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[0:01] James Monroe Iglehart: Good evening. I'm hashtag friend of the show and incredibly famous and attractive Broadway superstar James Monroe Iglehart. You're about to hear something you've never heard before on Broadwaysted. Unless you already have and this is a repeat listen, in which case, I'm a super fan of the show. From the mind of the writer Kevin Jaeger and pun consultant Brian Plufsky comes Broadwaysted Away, a radio play in three parts. You're listening to Part 1 and the episode you're about to hear features the vocal talents of hashtag friends of the show, Hannah Ellis, Jeremy Jordan, Mike Faist, Brendan Stimson and Aaron J. Albano. Really? Really? Oh, Aaron J. Albano. There's drama, mystery, action and suspense. So buckle up and get ready for Part 1 of a three part ride. Oh, and I come back at the very end of the episode. So you're welcome. But until then, enjoy Part 1 of Broadwaysted Away. Broadwaysted Away.

[1:09] Bryan Plufsky: Hello and welcome to the official Broadwaysted Podcast. It was a terrible night, the kind of night you wish you were anywhere else, no matter where you are. I was at my desk watching the rain wage war against the shuddering glass of the tiny window in my office. This night is a wash. Hell, everything's washed away in the rain. Well, not everything. I didn't have to turn around when I heard the door open. I heard the click of those high, high heels. And I thought on a night like this, a woman like that would have nowhere to go but here. I'd be the only one still open at any rate. The only private eye not afraid of the coming storm. But it's here now and I've already had too much of my life washed away. What's a little more rain? You've got to help me. You're my only hope. I have nowhere else to go.

[2:16] Alice: Save it, honey. I've heard this song and dance before. I've heard this unexpected song.

[2:22] Bryan Plufsky: So it is you. I spun around to face her. Whoever this Broad was had the nerve to pretend that she knew me. But as I turned around, I saw her standing there. That face. Brian from Broadwasted. No one said that name to me in a long time.

[2:39] Alice: What? Brian?

[2:41] Bryan Plufsky: No, Brian. Brian's still my name. I didn't change it. I meant... Broadwasted?

[2:44] Bryan Plufsky: I reached for the bottle of tequila and poured myself a healthy glass. This dame was giving me the urge for some courage. This was the strongest stuff I had. What can I do for you, toots?

[3:02] Alice: I'm actually here because of Broadwasted.

[3:04] Bryan Plufsky: Listen, lady!

[3:05] Alice: It's Alice, friend of the show. Hannah Alice.

[3:09] Bryan Plufsky: Well, you've got to go, sweetheart. And when you get to Asheville, write me, if you will.

[3:15] Alice: I know there's no reason you should believe me.

[3:17] Bryan Plufsky: No, because you make your living by pretending.

[3:20] Alice: But I have some information about the disappearance of your Broadwasted co-hosts Kevin and Kimberly.

[3:25] Bryan Plufsky: Don't say their names. I can't. It's been too long. That was a lifetime ago.

[3:30] Alice: Brian...

[3:31] Bryan Plufsky: I'm a private eye now. Sure, a pretty broken down one after all this time, but still...

[3:35] Alice: Brian...

[3:36] Bryan Plufsky: I'm the only hope you've got. So after all this time...

[3:39] Alice: It's been a week.

[3:40] Bryan Plufsky: What?

[3:41] Alice: Kevin and Kimberly disappeared a week ago. Two days after they disappeared, you rented this office and started sitting in here all day, narrating your life.

[3:49] Bryan Plufsky: How do you know about all this? You got my place bugged?

[3:51] Alice: No, you released a new episode of Broadwasted. That was just you narrating your inner monologue and then playing a game of Lights of Broadway show card solitaire. Silently to yourself. For twenty minutes. While crying.

[4:05] Bryan Plufsky: So you listened. Awesome!

[4:07] Alice: Brian, there's only one person who can snap you out of this delusion and solve this puzzle that is your mind. And that's the unofficial babysitter and game master of Broadwasted. And I know where she is. But you have to hurry and come with me.

[4:21] Bryan Plufsky: Kimberly? But how? How do you know where she is?

[4:23] Alice: Because she's the game master, Brian. Of course she's left clues.

[4:38] Bryan Plufsky: I don't know if it was the thought of seeing my Broadwasted buddies again, the thrill of a clue, or the smell of Hannah's intoxicating perfume. But as I walked out the door behind her, my head was swimming. I didn't come to my senses until we were in the cab, racing downtown.

[5:04] Alice: Take Broadway. We'll get there faster.

[5:06] Bryan Plufsky: So what's this clue?

[5:07] Alice: So Kevin and Kimberly disappeared last week after going to Midtown to meet a secret someone who had claimed to have two free tickets for the matinee of Dear Evan Hansen. Later that evening, a Broadwasted tote bag was found outside the Music Box Theater with a spray-painted message on the front, They won't be found.

[5:27] Bryan Plufsky: I know this already. I looked at the evidence for forever. But only the evidence that was still there. I got to the scene before anyone and swiped this before it fell into the wrong hands.

[5:36] Alice: She dropped the piece of paper into my lap. I went to look at it, but she grabbed my arm, looking me dead in the eye. She meant business, and boy was she succeeding at it without really trying. With that, there was a Lights of Broadway show card. But before I could grab it or even see who it was, two big thugs barreled in, grabbed the card, and ran off. I was lucky to get out of there alive.

[5:58] Alice: Driver, please stop here in the corner.

[6:02] Bryan Plufsky: Where are you going?

[6:03] Alice: This is my stop. I've already said too much anyway.

[6:06] Bryan Plufsky: How do I know that I can trust you?

[6:08] Alice: How do I know you aren't leading me into a trap?

[6:10] Bryan Plufsky: You can't. After all, I play pretend for a living.

[6:14] Alice: Then again, there's some things you can't just pretend.

[6:19] Bryan Plufsky: Finally, I was able to look down at what she'd left in my lap. The clue. It was a slip of paper from one of Kimberly's games. Plot points. The song written was, quote, National Anthem, unquote.

[6:34] Bryan Plufsky: Where to, mister?

[6:38] Alice: Down to the village, please. I need to see an old friend.

[6:53] Bryan Plufsky: I saddled up to the vacant bar. Empty chairs and empty tables all around, and smiled. The bartender was looking the other way, probably at his fancy new iPhone. See, booze is where the money is, always will be. And bartenders dealing booze and secrets makes them very powerful, and great people to have under your thumb.

[7:15] Jack Kelly: Hey, so what can I get for you, Brian?

[7:19] Bryan Plufsky: I thought you said you weren't coming back here unless...

[7:22] Jack Kelly: Unless I needed some information.

[7:24] Bryan Plufsky: And guess what? It's time to be Wikipedia again for me, Jack Kelly.

[7:29] Jack Kelly: Don't forget about what I did for your dear Shelby.

[7:32] Bryan Plufsky: Shelby's dead! Kimberly's not, so why don't you get talking?

[7:36] Jack Kelly: All right, all right, all right. Just sit down, please. Don't make a scene. What are you drinking?

[7:41] Bryan Plufsky: What are you drinking? Sorry, reflex.

[7:44] Jack Kelly: Tequila.

[7:57] Jack Kelly: Double on the rocks with extra limes.

[8:09] Bryan Plufsky: Thanks.

[8:10] Jack Kelly: You're welcome. So you heard about Kevin and Kimberly's disappearance?

[8:13] Jack Kelly: Oh, yeah, them. I might have heard about some people seeing an opportunity and seizing the day on that one.

[8:20] Bryan Plufsky: All they found was a broad-waisted tote bag, right?

[8:23] Jack Kelly: That's all the police found. This is what I came across. Lady Liberty's theme song and the Lights of Broadway show card.

[8:30] Bryan Plufsky: What? I didn't say anything about a show card.

[8:33] Jack Kelly: Neither did I.

[8:36] Bryan Plufsky: Don't you lie to me, Jack Kelly. I know you're the king of New York underground. And if anything happens in this town, you either did it or know about it. But this kidnapping of Kevin and Kimberly, it's just not your style.

[8:49] Jack Kelly: But he's close. They're definitely the work of the game master, Kimberly.

[8:54] Bryan Plufsky: See? You do remember.

[8:55] Jack Kelly: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She married hashtag enemy of the show Jay Schmidt. Has anyone thought of going directly to him? Because he's actually quote-unquote enemy of the show.

[9:06] Bryan Plufsky: Like that would make sense if you...

[9:08] Jack Kelly: No, that's impossible. He couldn't be involved.

[9:10] Bryan Plufsky: Why not?

[9:11] Jack Kelly: Because we needed him to play assorted characters.

[9:15] Bryan Plufsky: Now, unless you want Brooklyn here, Jack Kelly, you tell me what I need to know.

[9:20] Jack Kelly: Okay. But without the Lights of Broadway show card, I can't really help you. Now, excuse me. I got a customer.

[9:28] Bryan Plufsky: Or is it...

[9:30] Jack Kelly: The DeLancey Brothers?

[9:34] Jack Kelly: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I think we've had enough with questions.

[9:40] Bryan: No more questions. Time to just watch what happens.

[9:45] Jack: The two thugs Hannah was talking about, Jack. They've got the Lights of Broadway show card, and we need it. So for the sake of this current situation, we're carrying the same banner, Plavsky. And the world will know!

[9:59] Jack: Ugh! Bam! Pow! Shabam! Boom! Bam! Suck my crutch! Oh! Punch! Ouch! Bam! That's me! That's a good jab! That's a good jab! Ka! Ka! Oof! Block! Block! Block! Right in my eyelash! Ha! Suck em! Bam! I was... Did you get a gun for... Block! Block! Block! That's a water gun. Ow! Man, what you hitting me for? You gotta hit him! Karate chop! Oof! You've been taking classical for you! Thank you! Karate chop! Bam! Hit you with my non-existent gypsy robe! Seize my pain! Oof! You got me! I'm out. Nice work!

[10:36] Bryan: Where's Kevin and Kimberly?

[10:39] Jack: They won't be doing much talking anytime soon. But look what he had in his pocket.

[10:44] Jack: A Lights of Broadway show card. So tell me, what's the CW?

[10:49] Bryan: What?

[10:50] Jack: The 3-1-1.

[10:51] Bryan: A non-emergency phone line?

[10:52] Jack: Sorry, the 4-1-1. The show card, it's Betty Buckley.

[10:56] Bryan: Of course. Sorry about the mess, Jack. I'll take care of it.

[11:01] Jack: No worries, Plofsky, but now you owe me a favor.

[11:04] Bryan: I gotta go.

[11:05] Jack: Where?

[11:06] Bryan: Betty Buckley and the National Anthem meet is close.

[11:09] Jack: Then I need to head to the Neil Simon Theater to save Kimberly. If I have the jellicle balls.

[11:19] Bryan: After bidding adieu to the King of New York underground, I headed down to the bowels of the city to the subway. I mean, I have an unlimited metro card, so I really should use it more. Plus, it probably would be just as fast as a cab at this hour. If only it could be as fast as the clues that had added up in my head.

[11:37] Bryan: Betty Buckley, an actress known for many things, including originating the role of Grizabella in Cats. And when Will Rowland and Mike Faist came onto Broadway, Will gave an impassioned speech about cats that I underscored by humming the National Anthem. Kimberly had pointed me directly to cats.

[11:57] Bryan: And as I emerged from the subway, I knew what I had to do and what I was up against. This wasn't just any straight kitty. This was a cat with the power of swing. I remembered my imaginary training with an old, wise guru.

[12:15] Bryan: Those who have been a swing are especially cunning in combat because they can change roles at any time. You must approach the role shifter with strength and resilience and somehow throw them off their predetermined track. Thank you, old, wise guru.

[12:39] Bryan: With my imaginary training to guide me, I opened the theater doors and walked inside. Kimberly was here. I could feel it. But so were cats, and I'm allergic. So I popped a Claritin and slowly made my way into the darkness.

[12:54] Bryan: The lights were out in the house, and the stage lights were full blast. As I walked down the left aisle of the center orchestra, I could feel eyes watching me in the darkness. At that moment, I realized I didn't have my water bottle to spray away those fancy felines. There is no Jellicle Ball today. Today it's just Skimbleshanks!

[13:18] Aaron J. Albano: Oh, and the broad-waisted cat. We know you took over the role of Skimbleshanks after being an original company member of the revival as a swing. You're a friend of the show. Heck, you were a guest host of the show. What have you done with Kimberly and Kevin?

[13:35] Aaron J. Albano: I haven't done anything. Kimberly was delivered to the junkyard with a note asking to take very good care of her.

[13:41] Bryan: Who was the note from?

[13:43] Aaron J. Albano: From someone you don't say no to when they tell you to do something. Plus, I thought of the perfect place to keep the Game Master.

[13:49] Bryan: I looked around the set, frantically trying to think, where could she be? And now, before you have too much time to figure out where she is, I'm going to change into a different cat!

[13:59] Bryan: Oh no, he's swinging!

[14:01] Aaron J. Albano: But, um, it's a massive makeup overhaul, so, like, just take a seat for 20 minutes, okay? I usually have more time, but I can make do.

[14:09] Bryan: Sure, sure, sure. Like you say, the fight must go on. So just sit tight.

[14:14] Bryan: Once he left, I started searching the set. I thought about everything I know about cats, and pretty much just kept thinking about puns. And Aaron G. Albano. And Eloise Crop's infamous je ne ne dots. Aha! That's it!

[14:28] Bryan: I ran to the trunk of the car and opened it, and there she was.

[14:32] Kimberly: Bryan! Hurry, untie me before he comes back!

[14:36] Bryan: Where's Kevin?

[14:37] Kimberly: I don't know, but we don't have much time before we're in trouble, and we'll all say...

[14:41] Kimberly: Oh, well, I never! Was there ever a cat so clever as Aaron G. Albano?

[14:48] Bryan: Oh, no! The Conjuring Turn!

[14:50] Kimberly: What?

[14:51] Bryan: The greatest magicians have something to learn from Mr. Mostofoli's Conjuring Turn!

[14:55] Bryan: Aaron began to leap around us, spinning and gracefully pinning us in a circle in the center of the stage. I realized there was no way out. We were trapped here forever, headed to that Heaviside Place.

[15:09] Kimberly: What do we do?

[15:10] Bryan: I don't know, Kimberly, do you have a plan?

[15:12] Kimberly: I'm the Game Master. I always have a plan.

[15:15] Bryan: And before I could stop her, Kimberly stepped into the path of Aaron's oncoming leap.

[15:20] Bryan: Aaron stared her down. He wasn't going to stop. And then she smiled, the only type of smile that somebody with a plan knows how to smile.

[15:30] Kimberly: Did you see the latest episode of The Bachelorette?

[15:33] Bryan: Oh, my God! Did you see it?

[15:35] Kimberly: I know! It's so crazy! Because you don't think Kenny's going to go home, but he actually goes home!

[15:41] Bryan: I mean, leave, man! He's so crazy! And, like, thank God he left. Also, what was that weird turtleneck he was wearing and just, like, lounging in the meadow?

[15:49] Kimberly: I'm so happy he's gone!

[15:50] Bryan: They sat down on the stage and talked about The Bachelorette for 42 minutes straight.

[15:56] Bryan: By then, the authorities had already arrived, but no one really did anything for a bit because we were all so impressed that two people could speak so emotionally about The Bachelorette.

[16:07] Bryan: Before the authorities took them away, I got one last chance to ask a non-Bachelorette-related question.

[16:14] Bryan: Albano, where's Kevin?

[16:17] Aaron J. Albano: What's the matter? Cat's got your tongue?

[16:20] Aaron J. Albano: Wherever he is, he's not laughing. I can assure you of that.

[16:24] Bryan: Give me a clue to where Kevin is.

[16:26] Aaron J. Albano: Come on. You're already caught. Give me a clue so you can stay part of the game.

[16:31] Aaron J. Albano: Cats are playful. You've got to have a clue, a hint, a rumor.

[16:35] Aaron J. Albano: Check the trunk. I left something in there that might be of interest to you.

[16:39] Aaron J. Albano: Cat's out of the bag now. Take him away.

[16:42] Bryan: Come on, Bryan. Let's go check the trunk.

[16:45] Kimberly: How'd you do that?

[16:46] Aaron J. Albano: I'm the Game Master. I get the answers. Now let's see what's inside this trunk.

[16:54] Bryan: Well, well, well. I should have known.

[16:57] Bryan: It's time to go see an old friend of the show.

[17:00] Bryan: I stepped forward to look in the trunk. Sitting in the trunk right next to each other were two objects.

[17:07] Bryan: I reached in and grabbed the one on the left. A black FSU hat.

[17:11] Bryan: If they took Kevin's hat from him, it was clear these people meant business.

[17:16] Kimberly: You're right. We should bring that. Kevin will want his hat if we find him.

[17:20] Bryan: When we find him. Come on. Let's get out of this junkyard and grab a drink.

[17:25] Kimberly: No, seriously, I've been in that trunk for like a week. I'm very thirsty.

[17:29] Bryan: As we walked away, a light from the junkyard set seemed to have been perfectly placed to spotlight the second object.

[17:36] Bryan: It was a brand-new, unopened copy of Carrie the Musical premiere cast recording.

[17:41] Bryan: I just posted a picture of that Carrie the Musical CD on Instagram, and I called it a soundtrack.

[17:47] Bryan: Now we just sit and wait. Seems everything's coming up...

[17:51] Kimberly: Roselle.

[18:01] Bryan: Tune in next week to hear the exciting continuation of our story as Bryan and Kimberly try to rescue Kevin from a fate worse than Carrie.

[18:10] Bryan: Told you I'd come back. What will happen in the next episode? Who will be on it? I don't know. They only gave me the script for this one, so seriously, I don't know. So until next time, zoot, doo, wah, boom!

[18:24] Bryan: Uh, bum. Bum, okay.

[18:35] Kevin: Hey guys, Kevin here. Wanted to thank you for listening to part one of Broad Wasted Away. We're so excited for the other parts, and to make sure that you can hear all those parts, go onto iTunes and subscribe to us at Broad Wasted.

[18:47] Kevin: Five stars, please. You can also follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Broad Wasted.

[18:54] Kevin: Lots of more fun stuff coming up, including those next two parts of Broad Wasted Away, so make sure to listen in and have a good time.

[19:01] Kevin: Thanks again, as we end every episode, Zoot, doo, wah, bum!

[19:07] Kevin: Broad Wasted!