This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] Jonathan Cooke: Stage Frights 3D is a Gather by the Ghostlight production intended for adult audiences.

[0:13] Jonathan Cooke: Recorded in front of a live audience at Le Chat Noir Theatre in Augusta, Georgia.

[0:20] Jonathan Cooke: None of the performers in this show have been seen since that night.

[0:25] Jonathan Cooke: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[0:30] Jonathan Cooke: Enjoy the show.

[0:47] Jonathan Cooke: Ah, hey.

[0:50] Jonathan Cooke: Here it is.

[0:52] Jonathan Cooke: Radio's here, ready for broadcast.

[0:54] Jonathan Cooke: It's dark in here, go turn on the lights.

[0:56] Jonathan Cooke: I got this.

[0:57] Jonathan Cooke: Illuminato fuckto!

[1:01] Jonathan Cooke: Oh, everyone's here.

[1:03] Audience: Hi.

[1:04] Audience: Hi.

[1:05] Jonathan Cooke: Oh, and there's Dixie at the back, running lights.

[1:07] Jonathan Cooke: Hi, Dixie.

[1:08] Jonathan Cooke: All right, okay, so all of the guests have arrived.

[1:10] Jonathan Cooke: All right, welcome to our third annual Stage Frights.

[1:14] Jonathan Cooke: Aptly named Stage Frights 3D.

[1:18] Audience: Ooh, ooh, ooh.

[1:21] Jonathan Cooke: Right, okay.

[1:22] Jonathan Cooke: I am Jonathan Cooke.

[1:24] Devon the Devourer: And I am Devon the Devourer.

[1:26] Jonathan Cooke: We are the hosts of the infamous Gather by the Ghostlight podcast, and tonight we are doing a live recording right here at Le Chat Noir studio in Augusta, Georgia.

[1:36] Jonathan Cooke: A live recording of spooky stories.

[1:42] Devon the Devourer: That's right.

[1:43] Jonathan Cooke: If you were with us last year, you might remember that the voice actors who performed the stories in last year's Stage Frights, they were all animated corpses that we rented from the rent-a-stiff just a few blocks away.

[1:54] Devon the Devourer: This year is no different. Our actors this year, once again, are the living dead, awakened from their afterlife to entertain all of you.

[2:02] Jonathan Cooke: Except this year we rented them from Lise the deceased.

[2:05] Devon the Devourer: But they are still just tickled to death to give you another year of Frights.

[2:10] Jonathan Cooke: Now the stories you're going to hear tonight contain the supernatural, interdimensional beings.

[2:16] Devon the Devourer: Demons and even zombies.

[2:18] Jonathan Cooke: We don't use the Z word, remember?

[2:20] Devon the Devourer: Right, sorry.

[2:24] Jonathan Cooke: Wait a minute, speaking of demons, look at that, your horns came in.

[2:29] Devon the Devourer: Devon the Devourer is now demonic.

[2:32] Jonathan Cooke: Devon the Devourer.

[2:34] Devon the Devourer: 3D baby.

[2:37] Jonathan Cooke: All right, good for you, Triple D.

[2:41] Jonathan Cooke: Now, as we said earlier, the show is being recorded live tonight. We're going to be capturing the actors, we're going to be capturing the audience.

[2:48] Jonathan Cooke: Your gasps, your scares, your screams, your laughter. Things may go right, things may go wrong.

[2:54] Devon the Devourer: But, either way, we're going to have a lot of fun, am I right?

[2:57] Audience: Right.

[2:59] Jonathan Cooke: Now, before we bring out the actors to perform the first story, we would like to introduce you to our frightful foley artists.

[3:06] Jonathan Cooke: Everyone give it up for TJ the Terra McShera.

[3:10] Audience: Woo-hoo!

[3:16] Jonathan Cooke: Now, does everybody know what a foley artist does?

[3:19] Devon the Devourer: It's okay if you don't. I don't.

[3:22] Jonathan Cooke: So, as our actors are performing at the microphones, TJ the Terra McShera, he will be performing all the spooky sound effects.

[3:29] Jonathan Cooke: So, if someone in a story breaks a bone, you might hear something like this.

[3:35] Jonathan Cooke: Or, if they get slapped in the face, you might hear this.

[3:38] Devon the Devourer: Okay.

[3:39] Jonathan Cooke: And, if they get stabbed repeatedly, you might hear this.

[3:45] Devon the Devourer: If someone gets kicked in the balls, you might hear this.

[3:48] Jonathan Cooke: Whoa, whoa.

[3:53] Jonathan Cooke: I think you guys get the idea, right? We don't need to.

[3:57] Devon the Devourer: All right. Well, let us begin.

[3:59] Jonathan Cooke: This radio you see here before us is supernaturally tuned to dimensions from the beyond.

[4:06] Jonathan Cooke: As we turn the dial, we will be taken on a journey.

[4:09] Jonathan Cooke: Every frequency will take us to a new dimension.

[4:13] Jonathan Cooke: And, we will be seeking out events that trigger the apocalypse in each dimension.

[4:18] Jonathan Cooke: And here, once again, to help us introduce all the stories with special arrangement from Lise the Deceased, the undead singing trio, the Grizzly Sisters!

[4:35] Jonathan Cooke: So, here, once again, to help us introduce the stories, the undead singing trio, the Grizzly Sisters!

[4:46] Devon the Devourer: Okay. Where are they? Did you get their instruction manual?

[4:50] Tabitha: You! Me!

[4:54] Jonathan Cooke: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who the hell are you?

[4:56] Tabitha: This is my sister, Tabitha.

[4:58] Tabitha: Yes, it is I, your sister.

[5:02] Jonathan Cooke: Oh, your horns finally came in!

[5:04] Tabitha: I know! Do you like them?

[5:06] Jonathan Cooke: They suck.

[5:08] Tabitha: I hate you!

[5:10] Jonathan Cooke: I wonder if I could call it Triple D.

[5:13] Tabitha: Uh, Tabitha, was it?

[5:14] Tabitha: Do not call me Tabitha.

[5:16] Tabitha: I have a new name now, and unlike your piddly little show, I'm famous now.

[5:21] Tabitha: I even have a cult following.

[5:23] Tabitha: I am now known only as...

[5:26] Tabitha: The Dark Mother.

[5:29] Jonathan Cooke: The Dark Mother?

[5:31] Jonathan Cooke: Ha! You ain't even got no kids, bitch!

[5:35] Tabitha: I am so the Mother of Darkness!

[5:38] Tabitha: And I'm also here to let you know that Lise the Deceased is under new ownership.

[5:42] Jonathan Cooke: What?!

[5:43] Tabitha: Yeah, they hired me to be their seamstress.

[5:45] Tabitha: And I'm supposed to give you the new contract for all of the actors, including the Grizzly Sisters.

[5:50] Jonathan Cooke: But we already paid their rental fee!

[5:52] Tabitha: Well, they're all under my control.

[5:55] Tabitha: And they will not be performing tonight until you sign the new contract.

[5:58] Jonathan Cooke: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We can't sign this.

[6:01] Jonathan Cooke: It says that after the show you get to take control of us, and you're gonna bring our corpses to Lise the Deceased?

[6:08] Tabitha: Well, yes.

[6:09] Tabitha: But I'm not even dead!

[6:10] Tabitha: Oh, that can be arranged.

[6:12] Jonathan Cooke: No, no, no! We are not signing this.

[6:14] Tabitha: Oh, if you want the show to begin, you absolutely will.

[6:17] Tabitha: Give me a pen!

[6:18] Devon the Devourer: No, don't give in to her!

[6:20] Jonathan Cooke: No, no, no. That has to be signed in blood.

[6:26] Tabitha: Oh, that's it.

[6:28] Jonathan Cooke: No! No!

[6:30] Devon the Devourer: No!

[6:36] Jonathan Cooke: Right there.

[6:40] Jonathan Cooke: There!

[6:41] Tabitha: Thank you!

[6:42] Tabitha: Oh, girls!

[6:44] Tabitha: Oh, girls!

[6:53] Grizzly Sisters: When you gotta have a body or a cadaver, call us, we're Lise the Deceased!

[7:02] Jonathan Cooke: You two are gonna be singing that before the end of the night.

[7:05] Tabitha: Toodle-oo, bitches!

[7:08] Devon the Devourer: Why did you do that? Now we have to be property of Lise the Deceased!

[7:11] Jonathan Cooke: Because people are here and we have to start the show.

[7:13] Jonathan Cooke: Now go get ready to crank the dial.

[7:15] Jonathan Cooke: Welcome back, ladies. As you may have heard, there's a lot on the line, so let's make this the best goddamn show ever!

[7:20] Devon the Devourer: The best goddamn show ever!

[7:25] Jonathan Cooke: Okay, okay. Tuning into the first dimension now.

[7:31] Devon the Devourer: Okay.

[7:32] Jonathan Cooke: In true radio theater fashion, this first tale takes place in a radio station.

[7:38] Jonathan Cooke: This is Dana Vellum, the host of a low-budget call-in radio show that airs from midnight to 3 a.m.

[7:45] Jonathan Cooke: It's the kind of place that gets calls from insomniacs and lonely people about dead dogs, bad dreams, marriages falling apart, that kind of thing.

[7:55] Jonathan Cooke: And tonight, the callers have an ominous message for her.

[7:58] Jonathan Cooke: Now, gather round the ghost light. Sit back and enjoy. This is The Nightline.

[8:04] Grizzly Sisters: Tick-tock, better start the clock as the nightlight reigns you in. It's midnight, not a soul in sight, only callers dialing in.

[8:14] Grizzly Sisters: Oh man, the show's begun. We're gonna trick your tree tonight. Sit back and just relax. Enjoy another year of stage fright.

[8:26] Audience: Yeah!

[8:37] Dana Vellum: You're listening to The Nightline, coming at you from the loneliest hour, the in-between hour, the hour where nothing good happens but nothing's stopped you yet either. I'm Dana. Lines are open.

[8:51] Dana Vellum: Line 2, go ahead. You're on.

[8:54] Walt: Uh, hello? Hello, is this... Am I on?

[8:58] Dana Vellum: You're on, Walt. That's the name on my screen, right? Walt?

[9:02] Walt: That's right, that's... yeah.

[9:05] Dana Vellum: What's keeping you up tonight, Walt?

[9:07] Walt: You know, I'm not entirely sure how to ask this. I dialed the same number a long time ago. Same show, same time, near enough.

[9:16] Dana Vellum: We've been on the air a few years, sure. You a longtime listener?

[9:20] Walt: No, no, I mean I called this day, tonight's day, October 9th.

[9:26] Dana Vellum: Tonight is October 9th, yeah.

[9:30] Walt: It was October 9th when I called before, too. 1994.

[9:36] Dana Vellum: Well, Walt, either you've got the best radio memory I've ever heard of, or you're about to tell me the station's haunted.

[9:44] Walt: I don't know what it is. I just know I dialed the number I dialed back then on a whim tonight because I couldn't sleep, same as back then, and it rang through, and it's you.

[9:57] Dana Vellum: I wasn't even hosting in 94, Walt. I was in middle school.

[10:01] Walt: I know. That's the part I can't explain.

[10:05] Dana Vellum: Well, whatever's going on with the phone lines tonight, I appreciate the call. Let's hope you get some sleep.

[10:12] Dana Vellum: Line 3, you're on the air.

[10:14] Caller: Is it October 9th?

[10:16] Dana Vellum: It is.

[10:18] Dana Vellum: Why is everybody asking me that tonight?

[10:20] Caller: Because I called this number in the state before. I need to know if Walt has called you yet.

[10:25] Dana Vellum: Walt, the man who just called you, you know him?

[10:28] Caller: I don't know him. I just know he calls first.

[10:32] Caller: He always calls first.

[10:34] Dana Vellum: What do you mean, always?

[10:36] Caller: Whatever you do, don't let it get to 3. Whatever you do tonight, do not let the show get to 3.

[10:41] Dana Vellum: Hey, strange night on the phone lines, folks. Some kind of prank, a very committed prank, I'll give you that. Let's switch it up.

[10:50] Dana Vellum: Reggie, can you pull something off the music log? Give me 60 seconds.

[10:55] Dana Vellum: Reggie?

[10:57] Reggie: Yeah, sorry. Board's doing something weird tonight.

[11:01] Reggie: Music log's not pulling. Just keep talking. I'll get it sorted.

[11:09] Dana Vellum: Everything's doing something weird tonight.

[11:12] Dana Vellum: Line 4, you're on the nightline.

[11:15] Caller: You have to stop the show right now. Just say goodnight and stop.

[11:19] Dana Vellum: Sir, I just got on the air with you. I'm not going to...

[11:22] Caller: Walt called you, didn't he? And then a woman? That's the order. I'm third. I'm always third.

[11:30] Dana Vellum: What happens after third?

[11:32] Caller: I don't know what happens after third. I just know to tell you to stop the show before 3.

[11:38] Dana Vellum: It's just barely 1 in the morning. That's not a lot of time.

[11:41] Caller: Listen, the show airing right now, it's not just airing tonight. It's airing every night this has ever happened.

[11:49] Caller: We're not calling the show. We're calling into it from wherever we are.

[11:55] Dana Vellum: And the only thing that's ever different, the only thing, is whether the host stops before 3.

[12:01] Dana Vellum: And if I don't stop?

[12:03] Caller: Then you're the one who calls it next time.

[12:10] Dana Vellum: Reggie?

[12:12] Dana Vellum: Reggie, I need you to come in here.

[12:14] Reggie: A little busy.

[12:15] Dana Vellum: Reggie, I'm serious. There's something wrong with the lines.

[12:20] Reggie: The lines have always been a little wrong, Dana.

[12:25] Dana Vellum: What did you just say?

[12:27] Reggie: I said hang tight. I almost got the music sorted.

[12:33] Dana Vellum: You're listening to the Nightline. We're having a technical night, folks, so just bear with us.

[12:39] Dana Vellum: Let's take one more call.

[12:41] Dana Vellum: Line 6.

[12:42] Caller: You didn't stop.

[12:44] Dana Vellum: I'm here doing my job. Same time, every single night. I am not going to let a few prank calls.

[12:51] Caller: I told you not to let it get to 3.

[12:53] Dana Vellum: It's not 3. It's not 3 yet.

[12:56] Caller: Oh, my God.

[12:58] Dana Vellum: Hey, Reggie?

[12:59] Reggie: Yeah, what's up?

[13:00] Dana Vellum: Can we cut to commercial, please?

[13:02] Reggie: I think I can manage that. Hang on.

[13:05] Reggie: And out.

[13:08] Dana Vellum: Thank you.

[13:09] Dana Vellum: Are you hearing this?

[13:11] Reggie: Hearing what?

[13:12] Dana Vellum: The callers.

[13:13] Reggie: Oh, yeah, some of it. I'm still trying to fix the board.

[13:17] Dana Vellum: I mean, what's the deal? This guy waltzed calling from 1994, and then those other callers talking about how I shouldn't...

[13:24] Reggie: Hey, hey, it's after midnight. This is when people come out of the woodwork.

[13:29] Dana Vellum: Yeah, but these calls are a little eerie.

[13:32] Reggie: Remember, you signed up for this show.

[13:35] Dana Vellum: I didn't have any other option. Got to start somewhere, right?

[13:38] Reggie: I guess.

[13:40] Dana Vellum: I've gotten some odd calls before, but these are, I don't know.

[13:44] Reggie: You're not getting spooked in there, are you, Dana?

[13:47] Dana Vellum: No, but...

[13:48] Reggie: That's my girl.

[13:49] Dana Vellum: What?

[13:50] Reggie: And we're back in 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1.

[13:53] Dana Vellum: You're on.

[13:54] Dana Vellum: You know what? Let's try something different. Let's talk about something normal.

[13:59] Dana Vellum: Anybody out there, tell me about your dog.

[14:02] Dana Vellum: Tell me about a good casserole recipe.

[14:05] Caller: Anything.

[14:06] Dana Vellum: Mine too?

[14:08] Dana Vellum: Dana.

[14:09] Walt: Walt, what a surprise. You're back.

[14:11] Walt: I need to tell you something, and I need you to actually hear it, not just let it go on the air the way you do.

[14:19] Dana Vellum: Okay, I'm listening.

[14:21] Walt: In 1994, I called a show just like this one. Late at night, talked to a host, nice woman, funny. Around 3 a.m., she stopped taking calls, just signed off early. No real reason, just said goodnight and shut it down.

[14:36] Walt: And?

[14:37] Walt: And I never heard from her again.

[14:38] Unknown speaker: That show again. Not the frequency, not the host, nothing. It just stopped existing on the dial like it had never been there.

[14:47] Unknown speaker: So the show got cancelled?

[14:49] Unknown speaker: That's not what I mean.

[14:51] Unknown speaker: What do you mean?

[14:53] Unknown speaker: I think she got out.

[14:56] Unknown speaker: Got out?

[14:58] Unknown speaker: I think she's the only one who ever has. Every other night this has happened. Every other host.

[15:04] Unknown speaker: Every version of this hour. Somebody let it go past three.

[15:09] Unknown speaker: And what happens to them?

[15:11] Unknown speaker: You already talked to one of them tonight, Dana. The woman on line three. She's not calling from 1994 or anywhere with the year attached to it anymore.

[15:20] Unknown speaker: She's calling from inside the part that comes after.

[15:26] Unknown speaker: Walt? Walt?

[15:30] Unknown speaker: Okay, not your run-of-the-mill calls tonight, folks.

[15:35] Unknown speaker: Line two? Walt?

[15:38] Unknown speaker: No. Don't trust anything he says. He's not on your side the way he sounds.

[15:42] Unknown speaker: What does that mean?

[15:44] Unknown speaker: It means ask him why he knows what happens after three.

[15:47] Unknown speaker: Wait, he's definitely in there.

[15:49] Unknown speaker: What is going on?

[15:55] Unknown speaker: I thought I left that open.

[15:58] Unknown speaker: Line four, you're on the nightline.

[16:00] Unknown speaker: Dana, listen. You have to stop the show.

[16:02] Unknown speaker: Stop the show? And why should I listen to you?

[16:04] Unknown speaker: Because I'm trying to help you.

[16:06] Unknown speaker: Look, you've all had your fun and games, but I am not going to stay-

[16:10] Unknown speaker: Did the door close yet?

[16:12] Unknown speaker: How could you possibly know about the door?

[16:14] Unknown speaker: You don't have much time.

[16:16] Unknown speaker: It's only- 152? What the hell?

[16:20] Unknown speaker: I told you, the only thing that's ever different is whether the host stops before three.

[16:26] Unknown speaker: Different how?

[16:29] Unknown speaker: Hello?

[16:31] Unknown speaker: Shit!

[16:33] Unknown speaker: Reggie? Hey, uh, can you come in here? I'm getting legit freaked out.

[16:37] Unknown speaker: I'll have that music ready in a minute, Dana. Just take another call.

[16:41] Unknown speaker: Okay.

[16:44] Unknown speaker: Line two.

[16:46] Unknown speaker: Dana, you're doing well. Better than most.

[16:50] Unknown speaker: Walt?

[16:52] Unknown speaker: Tell me how you know about things before they happen.

[16:56] Unknown speaker: Tell me what side of this you're actually on.

[16:59] Unknown speaker: I've made this call before, many times to many hosts.

[17:03] Unknown speaker: That's not what I asked.

[17:05] Unknown speaker: I know what you asked.

[17:06] Unknown speaker: Walt?

[17:08] Unknown speaker: The first time I called, 1994, I didn't get out.

[17:12] Unknown speaker: Not the way I've been telling you people do.

[17:14] Unknown speaker: I'm not calling from a year with a date on it anymore, Dana, and I haven't been in a very long time.

[17:20] Unknown speaker: Then everything you've told me is-

[17:23] Unknown speaker: Is what I've come to believe to be true from a very long time spent listening to this hour over and over from wherever I am.

[17:32] Unknown speaker: I'm not lying to you.

[17:34] Unknown speaker: I'm just not as separate from this as I let you think.

[17:38] Unknown speaker: So, now you're using me to get out yourself?

[17:42] Unknown speaker: What?

[17:43] Unknown speaker: I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on here, Walt.

[17:46] Unknown speaker: Part of me thinks this is some sort of elaborate prank, but my gut is telling me otherwise.

[17:52] Unknown speaker: Trust your gut.

[17:53] Unknown speaker: Then what helps, Walt?

[17:55] Unknown speaker: Just tell me what actually helps.

[17:57] Unknown speaker: Just stop talking before three.

[17:59] Unknown speaker: That part was always true.

[18:01] Unknown speaker: Whatever else I am, that part I'm sure of.

[18:05] Unknown speaker: Walt, if I stop the show right now, just say goodnight, hang up, and walk out.

[18:11] Unknown speaker: Does that work?

[18:13] Unknown speaker: Does that get me out?

[18:15] Unknown speaker: I don't know.

[18:16] Unknown speaker: I only know what didn't work for everybody else.

[18:19] Unknown speaker: Nobody's tested right now.

[18:21] Unknown speaker: Everybody just waits to see if it gets better.

[18:24] Unknown speaker: It does not get better.

[18:28] Unknown speaker: Okay.

[18:30] Unknown speaker: Okay, listeners.

[18:32] Unknown speaker: We're going to cut tonight a little short.

[18:34] Unknown speaker: Technical difficulties, weird night, all of it.

[18:38] Unknown speaker: This is Dana, signing off early from the Nightline.

[18:42] Unknown speaker: Get some sleep.

[18:44] Unknown speaker: All of you, I mean it.

[18:49] Unknown speaker: No.

[18:50] Unknown speaker: No, come on.

[18:52] Unknown speaker: You all right in there, Dana?

[18:53] Unknown speaker: Yeah, fine.

[18:55] Unknown speaker: Hello, Nightline?

[18:58] Unknown speaker: Dana?

[18:59] Unknown speaker: Walt!

[19:00] Unknown speaker: Dana, the switch isn't what stops it.

[19:02] Unknown speaker: It's the talking that stops it.

[19:04] Unknown speaker: You've got to stop talking.

[19:05] Unknown speaker: Music's ready whenever, Dana.

[19:06] Unknown speaker: Reggie, the off switch isn't working.

[19:08] Unknown speaker: Probably just needs a second.

[19:10] Unknown speaker: Board's been temperamental all night, like I said.

[19:13] Unknown speaker: Dana, stop talking and get out now!

[19:20] Unknown speaker: I'm not going to talk anymore tonight.

[19:28] Unknown speaker: Dana?

[19:30] Unknown speaker: Dana, what are you doing?

[19:32] Unknown speaker: Why'd the mic just cut?

[19:35] Unknown speaker: Dana?

[19:37] Unknown speaker: Are you kidding me right now?

[19:39] Unknown speaker: You're going to listen to a couple of crazy callers and just go dark?

[19:43] Unknown speaker: On my board?

[19:45] Unknown speaker: You're going to get fired.

[19:46] Unknown speaker: You understand that?

[19:47] Unknown speaker: You're going to get us both fired.

[19:49] Unknown speaker: Dana, get real.

[19:50] Unknown speaker: Nobody's coming through that phone to hurt you.

[19:53] Unknown speaker: You're spooked over nothing.

[19:55] Unknown speaker: It's midnight radio.

[19:57] Unknown speaker: This happens twice a year.

[20:05] Unknown speaker: This is not that serious.

[20:10] Unknown speaker: We cannot have dead air, Dana.

[20:12] Unknown speaker: Do you understand what dead air costs this station?

[20:15] Unknown speaker: Pick up the phone.

[20:17] Unknown speaker: Say something.

[20:19] Unknown speaker: Anything.

[20:23] Unknown speaker: You're going to answer that, Dana.

[20:26] Unknown speaker: Dana?

[20:28] Unknown speaker: Dana, answer the damn line!

[20:34] Unknown speaker: Hello?

[20:35] Unknown speaker: Dana, don't trust him.

[20:37] Unknown speaker: Whatever he says next, whatever he tells you, stay quiet.

[20:42] Unknown speaker: You were right to stop.

[20:43] Unknown speaker: Stay quiet.

[20:44] Unknown speaker: Dana, listen to me.

[20:46] Unknown speaker: I just got off the line with the station manager.

[20:48] Unknown speaker: He's furious.

[20:50] Unknown speaker: He said if you're not back on the air in the next two minutes, you're done.

[20:54] Unknown speaker: And not just tonight.

[20:56] Unknown speaker: Done.

[20:57] Unknown speaker: He used the word liability.

[21:00] Unknown speaker: He used your name and insurance in the same sentence.

[21:03] Unknown speaker: He called you at one in the morning.

[21:06] Unknown speaker: People don't sleep in this business.

[21:07] Unknown speaker: You know that, Dana.

[21:09] Unknown speaker: Look, think about this rationally.

[21:12] Unknown speaker: You're really willing to lose this job over a couple of prank calls and a bad feeling?

[21:17] Unknown speaker: He's lying to you.

[21:19] Unknown speaker: Nobody calls a board op at 1 a.m. over dead air.

[21:22] Unknown speaker: Dana, please.

[21:23] Unknown speaker: I let a night like this beat me 30 years ago.

[21:26] Unknown speaker: Don't let it beat you.

[21:27] Unknown speaker: Stay quiet.

[21:28] Unknown speaker: However bad it gets, stay quiet.

[21:33] Unknown speaker: Dana, get on the mic.

[21:37] Unknown speaker: I don't know who to believe.

[21:40] Unknown speaker: Then believe whoever isn't asking you to talk.

[21:47] Unknown speaker: Dana, I know you're still in there.

[21:51] Unknown speaker: Get up.

[21:53] Unknown speaker: You think hiding changes anything?

[21:56] Unknown speaker: Get up.

[22:00] Unknown speaker: Let go of me.

[22:02] Unknown speaker: You want to be difficult?

[22:03] Unknown speaker: Fine.

[22:04] Unknown speaker: We'll do it the hard way.

[22:06] Unknown speaker: Scream.

[22:07] Unknown speaker: Go on.

[22:08] Unknown speaker: Scream into that mic right now.

[22:10] Unknown speaker: Scream.

[22:12] Unknown speaker: Come on, just scream, Dana.

[22:13] Unknown speaker: It doesn't have to be words.

[22:15] Unknown speaker: It just has to be your voice.

[22:18] Unknown speaker: Scream.

[22:19] Unknown speaker: Bite him, Dana.

[22:20] Unknown speaker: Don't let him say a word.

[22:22] Unknown speaker: Just bite him.

[22:23] Unknown speaker: Shut up.

[22:24] Unknown speaker: Shut your mouth, you crazy old man.

[22:26] Unknown speaker: You hear me?

[22:27] Unknown speaker: You are never getting out.

[22:29] Unknown speaker: Never.

[22:30] Unknown speaker: Not you.

[22:31] Unknown speaker: Not her.

[22:32] Unknown speaker: Not any of you.

[22:43] Unknown speaker: Hey, Walt.

[22:44] Unknown speaker: Going to answer line two?

[22:50] Unknown speaker: You're listening to the night line.

[22:52] Unknown speaker: Coming at you from the loneliest hour.

[22:55] Unknown speaker: The in-between hour.

[22:57] Unknown speaker: The hour where nothing good happens and nothing's stopped you yet either.

[23:01] Unknown speaker: Line two.

[23:02] Unknown speaker: Go ahead.

[23:03] Unknown speaker: You're on.

[23:04] Unknown speaker: Walt?

[23:07] Unknown speaker: Dana.

[23:09] Unknown speaker: You bastard!

[23:19] Unknown speaker: Tick-tock, better start the clock as the night line tucks you in.

[23:35] Unknown speaker: Hot damn, it's 2 AM, another hour and it ends.

[23:39] Unknown speaker: Oh snap, it was all a trap, keep quiet to break the spell.

[23:44] Unknown speaker: Oh, shit, I guess that's it.

[23:46] Unknown speaker: And now you're stuck in eternal hell.

[23:58] Unknown speaker: A supernatural frequency tuned to a specific day and time.

[24:02] Unknown speaker: A purgatory for the soulless.

[24:05] Unknown speaker: Not exactly a world-ending story, though.

[24:08] Unknown speaker: Well, you were the one in charge of the dials.

[24:10] Unknown speaker: Well, you give it a try then.

[24:12] Unknown speaker: Alright.

[24:13] Unknown speaker: Alright, fine, I will.

[24:15] Unknown speaker: Okay, here we go.

[24:22] Unknown speaker: Oh yes, this is perfect.

[24:24] Unknown speaker: We've tuned into a scene about a serial killer possessed by demons.

[24:29] Unknown speaker: This is an eerie little tale called In... Titty.

[24:37] Unknown speaker: I'm sorry, say that one more time.

[24:40] Unknown speaker: This is an eerie little tale called In... Titty.

[24:44] Unknown speaker: Oh my god, why are you saying it like that?

[24:47] Unknown speaker: Entity, it's called Entity.

[24:49] Unknown speaker: You're about to meet reporter Dylan Brooks.

[24:52] Unknown speaker: He's been granted an interview with this man, Sam Corson.

[24:56] Unknown speaker: A child serial killer known as the Pied Piper.

[25:00] Unknown speaker: Corson claims it was the demons living within him that killed those children.

[25:05] Unknown speaker: And perhaps it will take an example of their power to prove his innocence.

[25:09] Unknown speaker: Now, gather round the ghost light, sit back and enjoy.

[25:12] Unknown speaker: This is In...

[25:13] Unknown speaker: Entity.

[25:16] Unknown speaker: Entity.

[25:17] Unknown speaker: Titty.

[25:18] Unknown speaker: Please don't say that word again.

[25:23] Unknown speaker: He's the Piper, the Pied Piper.

[25:26] Unknown speaker: A cold dark stare just like a viper.

[25:29] Unknown speaker: He took away the children without a flute.

[25:31] Unknown speaker: Instead he had some help from demonic brutes.

[25:34] Unknown speaker: Watch out!

[25:35] Unknown speaker: The Entity is here!

[25:52] Unknown speaker: Alright, thanks man.

[25:53] Unknown speaker: I'll give you a heads up.

[25:55] Unknown speaker: I'll give you a shot if I run into any problems, but I think it'll be okay.

[26:00] Unknown speaker: Sam Corson?

[26:01] Unknown speaker: Who wants to know?

[26:03] Unknown speaker: My name's Dylan Brooks.

[26:05] Unknown speaker: I'm a reporter for the Cincinnati Chronicle.

[26:07] Unknown speaker: Not sure if you're familiar with my work?

[26:09] Unknown speaker: I only read the funny pages.

[26:11] Unknown speaker: I don't blame you.

[26:12] Unknown speaker: The news is depressing.

[26:13] Unknown speaker: Yes, it's full of very bad things.

[26:16] Unknown speaker: A year ago today, you were one of those very bad things.

[26:20] Unknown speaker: Has it been a year already?

[26:22] Unknown speaker: Time flies fast when you never see the sun.

[26:26] Unknown speaker: Do you remember what you did?

[26:28] Unknown speaker: Or rather, what you were accused of doing?

[26:30] Unknown speaker: Remind me.

[26:32] Unknown speaker: They called you the Pied Piper.

[26:33] Unknown speaker: Did you know that?

[26:35] Unknown speaker: I heard someone somewhere mention it.

[26:38] Unknown speaker: Our editors felt Pied Piper would automatically bring images into people's minds.

[26:42] Unknown speaker: Like drowning rats?

[26:44] Unknown speaker: Or children who disappeared.

[26:46] Unknown speaker: What happened to them?

[26:47] Unknown speaker: Well, they're assumed murdered.

[26:49] Unknown speaker: Assumed?

[26:50] Unknown speaker: The bodies were never found.

[26:52] Unknown speaker: Then why is it assumed I did it?

[26:55] Unknown speaker: You were the assistant at the local library.

[26:58] Unknown speaker: In the two years you worked there, four children never made it home after school.

[27:02] Unknown speaker: All four of them were last seen at that library.

[27:04] Unknown speaker: Lots of kids went to the library after school.

[27:07] Unknown speaker: Mrs. Babbitt used to complain that the townspeople treated it like a daycare.

[27:11] Unknown speaker: Regardless, you had no alibi.

[27:13] Unknown speaker: It's not my fault that I work at the scene of a crime.

[27:16] Unknown speaker: Nor could you account for your whereabouts on the evenings of the disappearances.

[27:19] Unknown speaker: So I'm being punished because I like to go home after work and vegetate in front of the television.

[27:24] Unknown speaker: The town needed a scapegoat.

[27:26] Unknown speaker: And when the police searched your home and found all those books on the occult...

[27:29] Unknown speaker: Look, I like ghost stories.

[27:31] Unknown speaker: The town didn't quite see it that way.

[27:33] Unknown speaker: Plus, your behavior after you were taken in for questioning didn't help.

[27:38] Unknown speaker: I don't remember that.

[27:39] Unknown speaker: Well, there's a reason you're here in this mental institution.

[27:42] Unknown speaker: Well, it still doesn't make me a killer.

[27:45] Unknown speaker: You've been incarcerated for a year.

[27:48] Unknown speaker: In that time, no more children have vanished.

[27:51] Unknown speaker: Children vanish all the time.

[27:53] Unknown speaker: But no longer at that crime scene.

[27:55] Unknown speaker: That makes you guilty in the court of public opinion.

[27:58] Unknown speaker: And in Dylan Brooks's opinion?

[28:01] Unknown speaker: Yes.

[28:03] Unknown speaker: Yes, I think you killed those children, but for a reason nobody would ever guess.

[28:08] Unknown speaker: Oh, what reason is that?

[28:10] Unknown speaker: Honestly, no idea. I was hoping you'd tell me.

[28:12] Unknown speaker: Huh. Why tell you and not some other reporter?

[28:16] Unknown speaker: Because after a month, the other reporters didn't care about you anymore.

[28:20] Unknown speaker: And you still do. How sweet.

[28:23] Unknown speaker: As I said, it's been a year since your arrest.

[28:26] Unknown speaker: I think people might be interested in the Pied Piper one year later.

[28:30] Unknown speaker: People or you?

[28:32] Unknown speaker: Hopefully my editor.

[28:34] Unknown speaker: Honest. I like that.

[28:36] Unknown speaker: You want an exclusive?

[28:38] Unknown speaker: Yes.

[28:40] Unknown speaker: And you chose me because nobody else was interested?

[28:44] Unknown speaker: You could put it that way.

[28:45] Unknown speaker: I did.

[28:46] Unknown speaker: Or, maybe, one year later, you're ready to tell your story.

[28:51] Unknown speaker: Oh, you want a confession.

[28:53] Unknown speaker: Yes.

[28:55] Unknown speaker: Listen, what do you have to lose?

[28:57] Unknown speaker: You'll be in this place the rest of your life.

[28:59] Unknown speaker: They'll never let you stand trial.

[29:01] Unknown speaker: If you have an ounce of remorse, you'd allow me to bring some closure to the families of those lost children.

[29:07] Unknown speaker: And if I have no remorse?

[29:09] Unknown speaker: Then do it to brag. You got away with killing four kids.

[29:12] Unknown speaker: I did not kill any of them.

[29:15] Unknown speaker: Okay.

[29:17] Sam: Then, let's work a new angle.

[29:20] Sam: Let's get you exonerated!

[29:21] Sam: Make the world feel guilty for locking away an innocent man.

[29:24] Dylan: I never said I was innocent!

[29:29] Dylan: Were there... were there others involved?

[29:31] Sam: Oh, many others.

[29:33] Dylan: Ah, some kind of cult thing. People eat that shit up.

[29:36] Sam: Do you kiss your daughter with that mouth?

[29:40] Dylan: Sorry, I should watch my language.

[29:43] Sam: So, it was a cult thing.

[29:46] Dylan: Some would call it that.

[29:48] Dylan: Others would call it... other things.

[29:51] Sam: Speaking in riddles?

[29:53] Dylan: Hey, that's great. I love some Silence of the Lambs type quotes.

[29:56] Sam: You watch too many movies, Mr. Brooks.

[29:58] Sam: And honestly, this would make a great one.

[30:01] Dylan: Okay.

[30:02] Dylan: Who murdered those children?

[30:04] Sam: They did.

[30:05] Dylan: Your cult?

[30:06] Sam: In a sense.

[30:08] Dylan: And where might one find these they?

[30:11] Sam: Anywhere.

[30:13] Sam: Everywhere.

[30:15] Sam: Nowhere.

[30:17] Dylan: Another great quote.

[30:21] Dylan: What else can you tell me about the murderers?

[30:23] Sam: They're still here.

[30:24] Dylan: Still in the town?

[30:26] Sam: Oh no, they're here. Now.

[30:29] Dylan: In the hospital?

[30:30] Sam: At the moment.

[30:31] Dylan: Okay. Okay, I get it.

[30:33] Dylan: Are the murderers your other personalities?

[30:35] Sam: I was not diagnosed with multiple personality disorder.

[30:40] Dylan: Maybe they weren't looking for it.

[30:42] Dylan: Alright, keep going. I'm going to have the scoop of the decade.

[30:45] Sam: Oh, your wife will be so proud.

[30:48] Dylan: Trying to psych me out, huh?

[30:50] Sam: Alright, no need to do that. I just want to share your story.

[30:54] Sam: Make you famous. Or infamous.

[30:57] Dylan: Like, there's a difference these days.

[30:59] Sam: So.

[31:01] Sam: So do you know how many of these they there are?

[31:04] Sam: Hundreds.

[31:05] Dylan: Hundreds!

[31:06] Sam: You're going to put Sybil to shame.

[31:08] Dylan: Tell me, what is your most dominant personality?

[31:10] Sam: They are not personalities!

[31:15] Sam: They are entities.

[31:17] Sam: Demons.

[31:19] Dylan: Okay, alright.

[31:20] Dylan: Alright, this keeps getting better and better.

[31:22] Dylan: People love those The Devil Made Me Do It stories.

[31:24] Sam: I never sensed him among them.

[31:26] Dylan: But you are possessed?

[31:28] Sam: No.

[31:30] Sam: They speak to me. They guide me.

[31:33] Sam: I'm their eyes and ears.

[31:35] Sam: Their scout.

[31:37] Sam: At times they enter me.

[31:39] Dylan: They took your body by force?

[31:41] Sam: As they say, Dylan, you can't rape the willing.

[31:44] Dylan: That will greatly offend my women readers.

[31:46] Sam: I have to use it!

[31:50] Dylan: So.

[31:51] Dylan: So how did you murder those children?

[31:53] Dylan: Why weren't their bodies found?

[31:55] Sam: They needed sacrifices.

[31:57] Sam: I selected the children from the library.

[32:01] Sam: And then the entities would enter the children and take them away.

[32:05] Dylan: Are you saying the demons possessed the children and made them kill themselves?

[32:10] Dylan: Where did the bodies go?

[32:12] Sam: They never told me.

[32:13] Sam: I suspect they were devoured.

[32:15] Dylan: Cannibalism.

[32:17] Dylan: If a demon eats a human, is it still cannibalism?

[32:24] Sam: This story isn't going to fly.

[32:26] Sam: I need more.

[32:28] Dylan: Maybe you ate the children.

[32:30] Dylan: Melted down their bones or something.

[32:32] Sam: I told you, my suspicions don't be disgusting.

[32:35] Dylan: But nobody's going to believe it.

[32:37] Dylan: Especially if I don't.

[32:41] Sam: Would you like me to make you a believer?

[32:43] Dylan: Oh.

[32:44] Dylan: Yes, please.

[32:46] Sam: Excellent.

[32:49] Sam: My friends will pay a visit to your daughter.

[32:53] Dylan: Did I give some type of tell when you said daughter earlier?

[32:56] Sam: She's at home with your wife right now.

[32:59] Sam: Your daughter is...

[33:01] Sam: playing.

[33:02] Sam: It looks like your wife is...

[33:04] Sam: also a journalist?

[33:06] Dylan: Oh.

[33:07] Dylan: And you're jealous because she's got a book deal and you don't.

[33:10] Sam: Okay, okay. Right, right.

[33:11] Sam: You must have read something about that.

[33:12] Sam: It was...

[33:13] Sam: I'm sure it was in Publishers Weekly.

[33:15] Sam: Although I can't see that being very popular around a mental asylum.

[33:18] Sam: She's up in her office right now, writing away.

[33:21] Sam: Up on the...

[33:23] Sam: third floor.

[33:25] Dylan: Converted room, is it?

[33:26] Sam: You're just guessing.

[33:27] Dylan: Perhaps.

[33:29] Dylan: But I'm guessing correctly, aren't I?

[33:30] Sam: I'm not giving you anything else.

[33:31] Dylan: You don't have to.

[33:33] Sam: They are there.

[33:35] Sam: They see it all.

[33:37] Sam: Your daughter is...

[33:39] Sam: playing in her basement playroom.

[33:42] Sam: So...

[33:44] Sam: far away from your wife.

[33:47] Sam: But she is at home.

[33:49] Sam: I'm sure no harm will come to her.

[33:51] Dylan: Okay, alright.

[33:52] Dylan: I got all I need from the story.

[33:53] Dylan: Thanks, Sam.

[33:55] Sam: What if...

[33:56] Sam: one of them entered your daughter?

[33:58] Sam: What's her name?

[34:00] Dylan: Okay, Steve, and I'm done here.

[34:01] Sam: Daisy?

[34:02] Sam: Oh, Daisy, that's such a cute name.

[34:04] Sam: Oh, Daisy is so easy to enter.

[34:08] Dylan: Okay, okay, come on, Stevie, I'm done playing.

[34:10] Sam: She's so warm and trusting.

[34:13] Sam: Steve...

[34:15] Sam: on the other hand...

[34:17] Sam: is not so easy to enter.

[34:20] Sam: He has that security guard mentality.

[34:22] Sam: But he can be influenced.

[34:26] Sam: They made sure he had to use the bathroom right now.

[34:29] Sam: He couldn't hold it.

[34:31] Dylan: Okay, okay, nice try.

[34:32] Dylan: Still not buying it.

[34:34] Sam: Oh, Daisy's made her way to the kitchen.

[34:36] Sam: Still so far away from her mother.

[34:39] Dylan: Okay, Steve?

[34:41] Sam: Steve, get me out of here!

[34:43] Sam: Oh, that's a beautiful kitchen.

[34:45] Sam: What is that, recently remodeled?

[34:47] Sam: I mean, no place for a child of Daisy's age to play.

[34:50] Sam: Especially with all those sharp objects.

[34:52] Dylan: Alright, that's enough.

[34:55] Sam: You must have connections.

[34:57] Sam: Guests aren't allowed to bring cell phones in with them.

[35:01] Sam: Not that you'll get any signal through these thick walls.

[35:07] Sam: Oh, shame on you and your wife.

[35:10] Sam: Leaving a carving knife where a child can reach it?

[35:14] Sam: But I'm sure Daisy knows better than to play with it.

[35:19] Sam: The entities, on the other hand...

[35:25] Sam: Such tiny hands, holding such a large knife.

[35:34] Sam: Come on, Steve!

[35:37] Sam: How easy it would be to slash such tiny wrists.

[35:44] Dylan: Shut up.

[35:45] Sam: So tender.

[35:47] Dylan: Shut up!

[35:48] Sam: But so much blood.

[35:51] Dylan: Shut up, you sick son of a bitch!

[35:54] Sam: That's funny.

[35:56] Sam: I wouldn't know what artery to cut to do the most damage,

[36:00] Sam: but they did, and they went right for it.

[36:03] Dylan: You!

[36:09] Sam: So much blood for such a little girl.

[36:12] Dylan: Stop. Stop.

[36:13] Dylan: Anybody!

[36:15] Dylan: Anybody!

[36:17] Sam: It doesn't take her long to fall unconscious, you know.

[36:20] Sam: Even they can't control a body so close to death.

[36:25] Sam: They're watching from above.

[36:27] Dylan: No, no, no, you're just messing with my head!

[36:29] Dylan: Get out!

[36:30] Sam: They're giving your wife a suspicion that something's wrong.

[36:35] Sam: You see, they want the body to be found this time.

[36:39] Sam: For your sake.

[36:41] Dylan: Stop.

[36:42] Dylan: What a horrible sight for a mother to walk in on.

[36:48] Sam: How can her mind even process it?

[36:50] Sam: What do you do?

[36:51] Sam: One would think in a situation like that she would call 911,

[36:55] Sam: but in an irrational time she may call...

[36:58] Dylan: How can you possibly even know any of this?

[37:00] Sam: Somebody else.

[37:02] Sam: I'm amazed you got Signal.

[37:05] Sam: It's your wife, isn't it?

[37:08] Sam: Aren't you going to answer it?

[37:18] *applause*

[37:32] Sam: A reporter looking for a story.

[37:34] Sam: His only intent was to get a confession out of the piper,

[37:37] Sam: but he ended up paying the piper instead.

[37:40] Sam: I guess the old adage is true.

[37:42] Sam: Be careful what you wish for.

[37:46] Sam: All right, we're still looking for the right apocalyptic moment, so...

[37:52] Sam: It's not as easy as it looks, right?

[37:59] Sam: Okay, this is a good one.

[38:01] Sam: So, this story is a tale about a father and son

[38:05] Sam: who go out into the wilderness on a hunting trip

[38:08] Sam: when they encounter something unimaginable.

[38:12] Sam: Imagine the darkest evil right in front of you.

[38:16] Sam: A sinister shape glistening in the moonlight.

[38:19] Sam: The stench of rotten meat as its hot breath is upon you.

[38:22] Sam: Can you imagine it?

[38:24] Sam: Well, that's not what this is,

[38:26] Sam: because she just said what they encounter is unimaginable.

[38:31] Sam: Perhaps this unimagination abomination will end the world.

[38:36] Sam: This tale is called The Difference Between Hunting and Fishing.

[38:42] Sam: What is the difference between hunting and fishing?

[38:46] Sam: One leaves you tracking, and one might make you missing.

[38:49] Sam: But step in a clearing and a dead body waits.

[38:52] Sam: When the sky starts to fall, just don't take the bait.

[38:55] Sam: Ah!

[38:59] Sam: What is the difference between hunting and fishing?

[39:02] Sam: I guess we'll wait and see.

[39:12] Dad: A thing to remember right now is not to panic.

[39:16] Kyle: You're way too late on that score, Dad.

[39:19] Dad: Try your cell phone.

[39:21] Kyle: My what?

[39:23] Dad: Your phone, Kyle.

[39:25] Dad: The little piece of metal that's usually super-glued to your fingers.

[39:28] Dad: Try it.

[39:30] Kyle: You don't need to bite my head off. I was just checking.

[39:33] Dad: For two days, it's been absolute no-phone zone,

[39:36] Dad: so I just figured...

[39:38] Kyle: Kyle Edward.

[39:40] Dad: Okay. Jeez.

[39:44] Dad: Well?

[39:45] Kyle: It's powering up, Dad.

[39:47] Kyle: It's been off for two days in compliance with your...

[39:50] Kyle: Kyle!

[39:51] Kyle: There. It's on. Okay.

[39:59] Kyle: Not a thing. Sorry.

[40:02] Kyle: Oh, wait.

[40:04] Kyle: No.

[40:06] Kyle: No. Nothing.

[40:09] Kyle: There's one time in my life I could have used a damn cell phone.

[40:13] Dad: Did you hear anything when we were coming up?

[40:16] Kyle: No. Why?

[40:18] Dad: Oh, you mean like a...

[40:21] Kyle: No. Okay.

[40:23] Kyle: I mean, I heard...

[40:25] Kyle: I thought I heard...

[40:27] Kyle: water.

[40:29] Dad: Like a waterfall?

[40:31] Kyle: But there's not a waterfall around here, is there?

[40:34] Dad: Not close enough that you'd hear, no.

[40:37] Dad: But no shots?

[40:39] Kyle: No gunshots?

[40:40] Dad: No. And neither of us shot.

[40:44] Dad: I don't understand this.

[40:49] Dad: I think I need to turn him over.

[40:51] Kyle: Whoa! I strongly disagree!

[40:55] Dad: I think I do, Kyle.

[40:57] Dad: I think I need to check his...

[40:59] Dad: I don't know.

[41:02] Dad: We could just leave.

[41:05] Kyle: Seriously, Dad, there's nobody out here.

[41:08] Kyle: We could just leave.

[41:11] Dad: That doesn't seem...

[41:13] Kyle: What? Sporting?

[41:15] Dad: If someone comes up out of the trees right now

[41:17] Dad: and sees two dudes with a shotgun

[41:20] Dad: and one dude in the dirt,

[41:22] Dad: they're gonna think we did it.

[41:24] Kyle: I don't think he's been shot.

[41:26] Kyle: There's no blood on the grass.

[41:28] Kyle: And look at the way he's laying.

[41:30] Dad: Kyle, this guy is as dead as...

[41:33] Dad: dead.

[41:35] Kyle: Which is exactly why I think I need to turn him over.

[41:40] Dad: Hey, does your cell phone,

[41:42] Dad: does it still take pictures and video

[41:44] Dad: even when you can't make a call?

[41:46] Kyle: Yeah.

[41:49] Dad: I want you to take a video of this.

[41:51] Dad: Of me turning him over.

[41:53] Dad: Just so nobody thinks anything is weird.

[41:56] Kyle: This is all weird!

[41:59] Kyle: This is top-to-bottom weird.

[42:01] Kyle: And again, if someone rolls up out of the trees

[42:04] Kyle: looking for a duck or something

[42:07] Kyle: and sees me filming you with a dead body,

[42:10] Kyle: they are going to think we did it.

[42:12] Dad: Kyle, calm down.

[42:15] Dad: They are going to think we're just a couple of psychos

[42:17] Dad: who shoot people in the woods

[42:19] Dad: and upload it to the gram or something.

[42:21] Dad: Hey, fam, got another one.

[42:24] Dad: Like and subscribe.

[42:27] Kyle: Kyle,

[42:30] Kyle: get a hold of yourself

[42:32] Kyle: and listen to me.

[42:34] Dad: This man is dead

[42:36] Dad: and we found him.

[42:38] Dad: We're going to have to figure out what to do next.

[42:40] Dad: We need to document how he looks.

[42:43] Dad: What if we have to leave and go get help?

[42:46] Dad: Animals could get to him.

[42:48] Dad: The elements.

[42:50] Dad: So please help me.

[42:53] Kyle: One condition.

[42:55] Kyle: Next time, we go fishing like I wanted.

[42:58] Dad: Fine.

[43:00] Dad: Start filming.

[43:02] Kyle: I like fishing. It's relaxing.

[43:05] Kyle: Just because you think hunting is more honorable.

[43:07] Dad: It is more honorable.

[43:13] Dad: Start filming.

[43:17] Kyle: Hey, fam, got another one.

[43:20] Kyle: Like and sub...

[43:22] Kyle: scrub.

[43:28] Kyle: Just kidding.

[43:30] Kyle: Sorry.

[43:32] Kyle: How exactly is it more honorable?

[43:36] Dad: Now is not the time for that, Kyle.

[43:39] Dad: Start over.

[43:46] Dad: It's November 10th, 8 a.m.

[43:49] Dad: My name is Ben Carlisle

[43:51] Dad: and my son Kyle and I...

[43:52] Kyle: Cut!

[43:53] Kyle: No, no, no, no, no.

[43:55] Unknown speaker: Please don't say my name. I don't want to be in your faces of death video.

[44:01] Unknown speaker: Start over. I'm deleting that.

[44:04] Unknown speaker: Son.

[44:05] Unknown speaker: Someone is obviously holding.

[44:10] Unknown speaker: Fine, start over.

[44:18] Ben Carlyle: It's November 10th, 8 a.m. My name is Ben Carlyle. I've just come across what appears to be a young man about five foot six inches tall. He's laying in a grass clearing just west of Cravens Point. There do not appear to be any marks on this man's back, so I'm going to flip him over to see if there's any signs of death on his front. I am documenting this just in case.

[45:04] Unknown speaker: What is it? What?

[45:07] Ben Carlyle: He's cold. Like really, really cold. It's like he's been in a deep freeze or something. That's weird, Dad, like weirder than him being here.

[45:20] Unknown speaker: Don't touch him anymore. Let's just go.

[45:25] Ben Carlyle: Shit language.

[45:27] Unknown speaker: Don't language me, Dad. This is seriously crazy weird, and it is freaking me out. Oh my God, why am I still filming? This wouldn't have happened if we had just gone fishing.

[45:37] Unknown speaker: I don't care for fishing.

[45:41] Ben Carlyle: Why the hell not? It's peaceful. It's gentle. You put a thing on a hook, and you drop it in the water, and you chill. What is wrong with that? What do you find so glorious about going off into the woods with a gun? How is that better?

[46:05] Unknown speaker: It just is.

[46:07] Ben Carlyle: When you go into the woods, you become the woods. You wait for your shot, test your luck. If you're sitting in a boat, and you're just trying to attempt to fish over with a worm or a lure, it's like you're cheating. It's like you're tricking the fish. You would never try to hunt a deer with a sandwich.

[46:32] Unknown speaker: Listen, it's just how I was taught. You don't use bait.

[46:38] Ben Carlyle: Okay.

[46:41] Unknown speaker: Are you still gonna turn him over?

[46:43] Ben Carlyle: I don't.

[46:49] Unknown speaker: Yeah, I guess so. Can you just film this, please?

[47:06] Unknown speaker: Holy shit. Oh my God, I don't know what I'm looking at. I'm looking at his face. What's all that purple shit? There's no blood, no marks on his body. There's just that.

[47:26] Unknown speaker: Kyle, are you filming this?

[47:29] Unknown speaker: Kyle.

[47:30] Unknown speaker: Hang on. Sorry, wait. This is so weird. What is... I've got a signal all of a sudden, and I'm getting texts.

[47:42] Unknown speaker: Lots of texts.

[47:42] Ben Carlyle: Well, that's not important. Try to call for help.

[47:46] Unknown speaker: Dad, call for help. Kyle, Dad, call for help. We need to get someone out here weird.

[47:53] Unknown speaker: Kyle, who is texting you? I don't recognize the number. It just is the same word over and over.

[48:02] Ben Carlyle: What word?

[48:04] Unknown speaker: Bait.

[48:15] Unknown speaker: Oh.

[48:30] Unknown speaker: Aliens.

[48:33] Unknown speaker: Aliens would be such a cool way to go.

[48:33] Unknown speaker: Oh, aliens are so overdone. Can you put your arm up for me?

[48:37] Unknown speaker: Who asked you? Why are you still here?

[48:41] Unknown speaker: I just need the measurements for this one. We're making a new arm for him down at the shop, okay?

[48:45] Unknown speaker: I'm done with you. Be gone.

[48:48] Unknown speaker: Would you get out of here? Look, just keep your claws off our filthy—

[48:51] Unknown speaker: Yeah, just where the show's not over yet. Look, why waste time? Let's wrap it up. Let me murder you, and I can take your corpse back to lease the deceased. I can have you ready in the window in 10 minutes.

[49:04] Unknown speaker: Was not done.

[49:07] Unknown speaker: You really need to work on your temper.

[49:12] Unknown speaker: Well, before I go, it looks like you two need a little bit of help.

[49:16] Unknown speaker: We need no help from you.

[49:16] Unknown speaker: Sure you do. You're looking for events to launch the end of the world, right? I know just the thing.

[49:32] Unknown speaker: Overshadowed a zombie story would be post-apocalyptic. Most likely this next one is called "The Interview." You're welcome.

[49:42] Unknown speaker: It's a zombie boogie-woogie at the office. Grab a weapon so you have some solace. A stapler will do or your co-worker's shoe. Just make sure there's no bite marks on you. It's a zombie boogie-woogie at the office. These undead bitches have no coffins. Take it from us and don't make a fuss and don't get bit at the office.

[50:11] Unknown speaker: I...

[50:35] Frank: I'm Frank. Thank you so much for taking the time to see me today. Come on in. Do you need water or coffee or anything?

[50:41] Unknown speaker: No, no, your assistant offered, but oh, I've got a copy of my resume if you don't have one. Oh, I've got it right here.

[50:50] Frank: So you want to work for Clapman Speckman and Rain Associates?

[50:50] Unknown speaker: Yes, very much. I think I have a lot to offer the team.

[50:55] Frank: Well, you got some good skills here. Excel, QuickBooks, Pro Sage, and I've been with Intuit for seven years. I know the tax code inside and out.

[51:06] Unknown speaker: Till they change it, of course.

[51:06] Frank: Of course. And how are you with the undead?

[51:09] Unknown speaker: I know capoeira, muay thai, and I'm a grandmaster in hopkido. Weapons, I prefer throwing stars and swords, but I'm experienced with most pistols, rifles, and semi-automatic machine guns. I've got a yarn L850 slide-action double-barrel rifle. They'll take out a medium group of zombies and leave nothing but spinning entrails.

[51:35] Frank: Wonderful. Oh, I forgot. We use a six-column redline accrual basis accounting method.

[51:35] Unknown speaker: Not a problem. I've used that a bunch of times.

[51:47] Unknown speaker: Excuse me, Claire, is that?

[51:47] Frank: Yep. So I'll be attacked. They're in banking services.

[51:59] Unknown speaker: Damn it. I secure their area.

[52:01] Frank: Oh, well, this is a great chance for us to see what you can do.

[52:01] Unknown speaker: I can come back if now's not a good time.

[52:05] Frank: Oh nonsense. We'd love to see you in action.

[52:10] Unknown speaker: Well, I didn't bring any of my weapons.

[52:13] Frank: We like our accountants to be prepared, Mr. Wofford, because I don't need them. I wanted to show you how well I can improvise in a crisis.

[52:22] Unknown speaker: Excellent.

[52:24] Frank: They breached accounts receivables.

[52:28] Unknown speaker: Well, they'll be here any second.

[52:28] Frank: Oh really? This is a great opportunity.

[52:44] Unknown speaker: Awesome. So a zombie attack is imminent. All you have is what's on my desk. What do you do?

[52:44] Unknown speaker: Okay, let me see. Um, letter opener for stabbing, coffee mug for smashing, and do you have one of those staple remover thingies?

[52:52] Frank: No, I think so.

[53:02] Unknown speaker: There you go. Staple remover for close fighting.

[53:06] Frank: I guess I need a new assistant now, too.

[53:17] Unknown speaker: I might know somebody.

[53:17] Frank: Oh wonderful. Have them email me your resume.

[53:17] Unknown speaker: We'll do so, Frank. What do you think of your greatest strengths?

[53:28] Unknown speaker: I'm a team player. I always follow through on my tasks, and I've got a good right hook.

[53:36] Frank: And your biggest weakness?

[53:43] Unknown speaker: That question. I know everyone hates that question, but we have to ask. I never know what to say.

[53:50] Frank: Have a cup of coffee, fiend.

[53:57] Unknown speaker: I suppose my biggest weakness is a complete and utter lack of mercy for the undead.

[53:57] Frank: Oh good. Right, because it sounds like a weakness, but it's really a strength.

[54:06] Unknown speaker: Yes. Well done. And where do you see yourself in five years?

[54:18] Unknown speaker: Alive.

[54:24] Frank: So, do you have any questions for me?

[54:24] Unknown speaker: I have a couple, actually.

[54:38] Unknown speaker: A staple remover can be your best friend in a situation like this.

[54:41] Frank: Um, I was wondering about the benefits.

[54:43] Unknown speaker: Oh, we have a comprehensive benefits package: medical, dental, and there's a 401k.

[54:50] Frank: It's just me and my wife. We're hoping to start a family soon.

[54:50] Unknown speaker: Oh, we have an excellent family leave policy. I believe the father gets two weeks, and you get 20 funerals a year, which is just so helpful in this day and age.

[55:04] Frank: That's really very kind. Vacation time, you get one week, and then after two years, provided you survive, you get two weeks.

[55:12] Unknown speaker: That seems fair.

[55:13] Unknown speaker: They have us surrounded back-to-back.

[55:17] Unknown speaker: Time to white out those mistakes.

[55:25] Unknown speaker: You like paper cuts?

[55:27] Unknown speaker: Oh.

[55:46] Unknown speaker: Damn, I think I've been bit.

[55:46] Unknown speaker: Really? Either that or I got myself with a stapler. Is it serious?

[55:53] Unknown speaker: I don't think so. It's just a scratch. I'm just feeling a little lightheaded. I think I just need to sit down for a second.

[56:06] Unknown speaker: Miss Weber.

[56:10] Unknown speaker: Janice.

[56:13] Unknown speaker: Are you okay? Um, I think I should just... I just see myself out.

[56:22] Unknown speaker: Sorry.

[56:24] Unknown speaker: Wasn't myself for a second.

[56:24] Unknown speaker: I feel much better now.

[56:32] Unknown speaker: Can I get you a glass of water or something?

[56:32] Unknown speaker: No, no.

[56:39] Unknown speaker: Well, well, everything look in order. That's good.

[56:46] Unknown speaker: How you feel?

[56:49] Unknown speaker: Working with zombies.

[56:49] Unknown speaker: What? Working with zombies? Not prejudice?

[56:57] Unknown speaker: No, no, of course not. I've worked with all kinds of people.

[57:11] Unknown speaker: Equal.

[57:13] Unknown speaker: Equal.

[57:13] Unknown speaker: We hire everyone here regardless of race, creed, color, or deadness.

[57:21] Unknown speaker: That's great. We have a lot of zombies working here.

[57:29] Unknown speaker: Claire.

[57:29] Unknown speaker: Claire, how many zombies we have working here?

[57:35] Unknown speaker: We got five in legal, 12 in tax.

[57:47] Unknown speaker: 13.

[57:47] Unknown speaker: In the whole IT department. How they tell the difference?

[58:03] Unknown speaker: Okay.

[58:05] Unknown speaker: That gonna be a problem?

[58:05] Unknown speaker: No, no. I know lots of zombies. The guy I play racquetball with on Saturdays, he's always losing his arm.

[58:10] Unknown speaker: And you have no problem with this?

[58:10] Unknown speaker: No, I actually prefer to work with zombies.

[58:18] Unknown speaker: I mean you people—

[58:25] Unknown speaker: People.

[58:23] Unknown speaker: You people sound a little bit racist.

[58:25] Unknown speaker: I didn't mean it like that. I assure you. You think I...

[58:33] Unknown speaker: Zombies are all like, we shuffle around slowly, arms out like this.

[58:40] Unknown speaker: No, of course not. Except in the movies.

[58:44] Unknown speaker: This is not movies. This is real life.

[58:49] Unknown speaker: Well, real death.

[58:51] Unknown speaker: Anyway, I think I see enough.

[58:54] Unknown speaker: Thank you so much for taking the time to see me. I think I have a lot to bring to the table.

[59:01] Unknown speaker: The lunch table?

[59:08] Unknown speaker: Good one.

[59:10] Unknown speaker: Look, I like you.

[59:14] Unknown speaker: You have special something.

[59:17] Unknown speaker: Something we need.

[59:22] Unknown speaker: I'm going to go ahead and make offer.

[59:26] Unknown speaker: We like to move...

[59:30] Unknown speaker: Quickly!

[59:33] Unknown speaker: Here at Clapman something and something.

[59:39] Unknown speaker: Claire!

[59:42] Unknown speaker: Claire, we're going to bring Mr. Wofford here into company.

[59:47] Unknown speaker: That's good! Good!

[59:51] Unknown speaker: After all, we're looking for a man with brains.

[59:58] Unknown speaker: Brains!

[1:00:06] Unknown speaker: Of course I'm going to have to mention this offer to my wife.

[1:00:11] Unknown speaker: Don't be silly. Welcome to company.

[1:00:16] Unknown speaker: I can get back to you later today.

[1:00:21] Unknown speaker: Janice, you're 11.30.

[1:00:27] Unknown speaker: Here.

[1:00:29] Unknown speaker: Tell him I'm at lunch.

[1:00:34] Unknown speaker: You know, I don't see much difference in that story in everyday corporate workers.

[1:00:40] Unknown speaker: We may have gotten a little more than we bargained for.

[1:00:44] Unknown speaker: Apparently, mass death also means mass mess.

[1:00:48] Unknown speaker: All right, so we're going to take a little break to get back to work.

[1:00:52] Unknown speaker: We'll be back in a minute.

[1:00:54] Unknown speaker: We may have gotten a little more than we bargained for.

[1:00:57] Unknown speaker: Apparently, mass death also means mass mess.

[1:01:01] Unknown speaker: All right, so we're going to take a little break to get all of our corpses accounted for.

[1:01:05] Unknown speaker: Actors, I meant to say actors accounted for.

[1:01:08] Unknown speaker: And you guys, take a quick intermission.

[1:01:11] Unknown speaker: Go do some lobby stuff, all that.

[1:01:14] Unknown speaker: That's the end of Act One. The shows were a vibe.

[1:01:16] Unknown speaker: Now head to the lobby to pee in and vibe.

[1:01:24] Unknown speaker: All right.

[1:01:44] Unknown speaker: Welcome back, everyone.

[1:01:48] Unknown speaker: We hope you're ready for some more fright.

[1:01:51] Unknown speaker: So we have some good news and bad news.

[1:01:54] Unknown speaker: Good news is we got the stage cleaned up and we're ready for our next show.

[1:02:01] Unknown speaker: The bad news is that our lead actor for the next play, well, he's gone missing.

[1:02:06] Unknown speaker: He's gone feral, actually.

[1:02:08] Unknown speaker: It happens sometimes with these undead actors.

[1:02:11] Unknown speaker: Coincidentally, it also happens with living actors.

[1:02:15] Unknown speaker: So unfortunately, without our lead actor, we can't do this next story.

[1:02:19] Unknown speaker: Sorry, guys.

[1:02:23] Unknown speaker: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.

[1:02:24] Unknown speaker: Wait, wait. What was that?

[1:02:26] Unknown speaker: OK.

[1:02:29] Unknown speaker: All right. All right. Hold on.

[1:02:30] Unknown speaker: It turns out that our newest grizzly gal, Ava, here, would like to take on the lead role in this next play.

[1:02:39] Unknown speaker: All right. All right.

[1:02:42] Unknown speaker: All right. Here's the script.

[1:02:43] Unknown speaker: We don't have to skip it.

[1:02:45] Unknown speaker: Yeah. Get her in costume.

[1:02:46] Unknown speaker: Here's your script.

[1:02:47] Unknown speaker: OK.

[1:02:48] Unknown speaker: Here you go.

[1:02:49] Unknown speaker: All right.

[1:02:50] Unknown speaker: Let's tune in to the next story.

[1:02:53] Unknown speaker: OK.

[1:02:55] Unknown speaker: Looks like the dial's broke, thanks to your sister.

[1:02:57] Unknown speaker: Just bear with us as we make our way through another post-apocalyptic story.

[1:03:03] Unknown speaker: When it's the end of the world as we know it, what do you do next?

[1:03:08] Unknown speaker: This young woman is learning to live in a new chaotic world.

[1:03:12] Unknown speaker: From a survivor's shelter, she sends out a broadcast signal in hopes anyone is listening.

[1:03:18] Unknown speaker: This is Tia Twocky.

[1:03:22] Unknown speaker: Tia Twocky, it sounds a little shocking.

[1:03:25] Unknown speaker: The end of the world as we know it's kind of rocky.

[1:03:28] Unknown speaker: Just listen for the beacon, your favorite DJ speaking.

[1:03:31] Unknown speaker: So have yourself a Tia Twocky day.

[1:03:34] Unknown speaker: Good evening, Apache County.

[1:03:45] Unknown speaker: Wait. Testing.

[1:03:48] Unknown speaker: Hello. Hi.

[1:03:50] Unknown speaker: OK. Let me try that again.

[1:03:52] Unknown speaker: Good evening, Apache County.

[1:03:54] Unknown speaker: You are listening to The Beacon with DJ me.

[1:03:59] Unknown speaker: If anyone's listening, it's Thursday, I think.

[1:04:02] Unknown speaker: The date is...

[1:04:04] Unknown speaker: Well, I forgot how many days are in months now, so yeah, it's Thursday.

[1:04:09] Unknown speaker: The temperature is down to around 42, and the barometer thing is around 26,

[1:04:14] Unknown speaker: and I don't exactly know what that means, but there's going to be wind soon, I think.

[1:04:19] Unknown speaker: And the wind is going southwest, and I think we can all agree that that's a good thing.

[1:04:24] Unknown speaker: Hey, is there anyone out there who knows how long strawberry preserves can last?

[1:04:29] Unknown speaker: Well, this is my 31st day as the most prolific DJ in the Northeast Copper State,

[1:04:34] Unknown speaker: so today's special guest is me.

[1:04:38] Unknown speaker: OK, so my first question to me.

[1:04:41] Unknown speaker: What is something new you've learned recently?

[1:04:45] Unknown speaker: Oh, well, did you know if you cut a bra in half, it makes a pretty good respirator mask?

[1:04:50] Unknown speaker: Yeah, I work for a week. Who knew?

[1:04:56] Unknown speaker: Question two. Would you ever date someone with a face tattoo?

[1:05:00] Unknown speaker: And my answer is, I'm not really sure I can afford to be picky right now.

[1:05:06] Unknown speaker: And finally, the big one. Question three.

[1:05:09] Unknown speaker: If you were queen for a day, what would you do?

[1:05:12] Unknown speaker: Honestly, I think I'd be a pretty terrible queen.

[1:05:14] Unknown speaker: I'd probably just watch Roman Holiday and eat cupcakes all day.

[1:05:18] Unknown speaker: Yeah. OK, moving on.

[1:05:21] Unknown speaker: Oh, we're at my favorite part of the broadcast.

[1:05:23] Unknown speaker: We'll all be taking song requests for the next hour.

[1:05:25] Unknown speaker: I don't actually have any records, but I'm classically trained,

[1:05:28] Unknown speaker: if you count singing behind the wheel of a second-hand Buick on Highway 191.

[1:05:34] Unknown speaker: OK, here's a good one.

[1:05:38] Unknown speaker: To your truckie, it sounds a little shocky.

[1:05:41] Unknown speaker: The end of the world, as we know, it's kind of rocky.

[1:05:50] Unknown speaker: What about parrot preserves?

[1:05:52] Unknown speaker: Does anyone know how long they last?

[1:05:54] Unknown speaker: Or what about dried squirrel meat?

[1:05:57] Unknown speaker: Right. So, any requests? Anyone?

[1:06:02] Unknown speaker: Not all at once. Stop, stop.

[1:06:08] Unknown speaker: I haven't been this bored since the time Grandpa took me hunting for rabbits as a kid.

[1:06:12] Unknown speaker: Grandpa taught me there were two ways to hunt, stalking or trapping.

[1:06:15] Unknown speaker: You go to it or it comes to you.

[1:06:17] Unknown speaker: It's boring as hell.

[1:06:19] Unknown speaker: I hated hunting rabbits.

[1:06:20] Unknown speaker: You go out at dusk and bring a 20-gauge shotgun,

[1:06:22] Unknown speaker: bring bandages for when I was cut up by thorns in a thicket,

[1:06:25] Unknown speaker: and you kneel on the brush and then wait in the cold,

[1:06:27] Unknown speaker: and you wait and wait and wait.

[1:06:29] Unknown speaker: Or you find a watering hole, leave a piece of bait under a branch

[1:06:32] Unknown speaker: and a hidden slipknot, then you wait and wait and wait.

[1:06:35] Unknown speaker: And maybe, just maybe, I catch thumper and get a small stew.

[1:06:39] Unknown speaker: And I guess the stew is OK, but I really hate hunting.

[1:06:42] Unknown speaker: I despise it. I hate to see animals suffer.

[1:06:46] Unknown speaker: But it turned out there's a third way to catch rabbits.

[1:06:48] Unknown speaker: Some boys taught me back during summer vacation.

[1:06:50] Unknown speaker: You can blind them.

[1:06:51] Unknown speaker: You drive a pickup truck out to the brush land and wait till darkness,

[1:06:54] Unknown speaker: and then you hit the high beams.

[1:06:55] Unknown speaker: And the bunnies just stand up and freeze, staring right into the beams.

[1:06:58] Unknown speaker: You just can't figure out what they're looking at.

[1:07:01] Unknown speaker: And they're just paralyzed, and it turns out you can walk right up to them

[1:07:03] Unknown speaker: and hit them in the head with an axe handle.

[1:07:05] Unknown speaker: Yeah, we called it bunny bashing.

[1:07:09] Unknown speaker: Yeah, it sounds pretty barbaric,

[1:07:11] Unknown speaker: but, I mean, is it really worse than a rabbit strangled in a steel wire snare?

[1:07:15] Unknown speaker: But however you do it, hunting and trapping is just about bait in the end.

[1:07:21] Unknown speaker: So, I'm all alone.

[1:07:24] Unknown speaker: I haven't seen anyone since the big day.

[1:07:27] Unknown speaker: I don't think anyone's really listening to my radio show,

[1:07:30] Unknown speaker: so I can't really embarrass myself.

[1:07:32] Unknown speaker: So, yeah, I'm lonely.

[1:07:36] Unknown speaker: And I could really use help.

[1:07:38] Unknown speaker: I mean, I guess I've always been kind of a polyamor.

[1:07:41] Unknown speaker: Well, what I know, I'm barely out of high school.

[1:07:44] Unknown speaker: I'm not going to lie, it's pretty lonely.

[1:07:46] Unknown speaker: I know that's hardly the biggest issue in the world right now,

[1:07:49] Unknown speaker: but I can hear clicking noises.

[1:07:51] Unknown speaker: Is that someone keying in?

[1:07:53] Unknown speaker: Are you trying to talk to me?

[1:07:55] Unknown speaker: Hey, anyone who's listening, I don't know if anyone can hear me,

[1:07:58] Unknown speaker: but hey, I have toilet paper and some propane or food.

[1:08:03] Unknown speaker: I don't know, maybe I could be useful.

[1:08:05] Unknown speaker: Has anyone been east?

[1:08:07] Unknown speaker: Flagstaff, anyone know if he's still there?

[1:08:10] Unknown speaker: I'm not good with dead reckoning,

[1:08:11] Unknown speaker: but the first flash must have been Los Angeles, right?

[1:08:14] Unknown speaker: I could only see the glow over the mountains.

[1:08:17] Unknown speaker: But I did see the second one, just as I was getting to the shelter.

[1:08:20] Unknown speaker: It was west.

[1:08:21] Unknown speaker: It must have been Las Vegas, right?

[1:08:23] Unknown speaker: I mean, it's an awful thing to say,

[1:08:24] Unknown speaker: but if you didn't know what you were looking at,

[1:08:26] Unknown speaker: it would be so beautiful, right?

[1:08:28] Unknown speaker: I mean, who would have thought you'd ever see something so much brighter than the sun?

[1:08:32] Unknown speaker: I know there must have been more, right?

[1:08:34] Unknown speaker: Like, how many more do you think?

[1:08:35] Unknown speaker: I used to watch these movies.

[1:08:37] Unknown speaker: Is it true that the fire gets so hot that it turns your bones into gas?

[1:08:42] Unknown speaker: Anyway, I have food, and there's room for a few new friends here.

[1:08:46] Unknown speaker: It could be like a slumber party, and I could use the company.

[1:08:49] Unknown speaker: I mean, it's been a month, right?

[1:08:52] Unknown speaker: So that means most of the radiation has passed.

[1:08:54] Unknown speaker: I mean, thank God the wind's going southwest.

[1:09:00] Unknown speaker: So this looks like the end of tonight's broadcast.

[1:09:03] Unknown speaker: I just wanted to say it would be so nice just to hold someone's hand

[1:09:06] Unknown speaker: or just lean my head on someone's shoulder.

[1:09:09] Unknown speaker: I'm sure someone out there feels the same way, whether they can hear me or not.

[1:09:13] Unknown speaker: I just know someone's out there who feels the same.

[1:09:17] Unknown speaker: I just...

[1:09:18] Unknown speaker: Are you east or west of Window Rocks?

[1:09:21] Unknown speaker: Wait, wait, is someone there?

[1:09:23] Unknown speaker: Can you hear us?

[1:09:24] Unknown speaker: Yes, I can hear you.

[1:09:25] Unknown speaker: I can hear you.

[1:09:26] Unknown speaker: Do you hear me?

[1:09:28] Unknown speaker: Hold on.

[1:09:29] Unknown speaker: I need to get to higher ground.

[1:09:30] Unknown speaker: No, no, no.

[1:09:31] Unknown speaker: Don't stop talking.

[1:09:32] Unknown speaker: Don't.

[1:09:33] Unknown speaker: Hello?

[1:09:34] Unknown speaker: Hi.

[1:09:35] Unknown speaker: I can see a culvert.

[1:09:36] Unknown speaker: It's about two clicks from Window Rocks.

[1:09:39] Unknown speaker: Oh, yes.

[1:09:40] Unknown speaker: I have a map.

[1:09:41] Unknown speaker: I can find out what that is.

[1:09:42] Unknown speaker: Wait, what's a click?

[1:09:44] Unknown speaker: We heard your broadcast.

[1:09:46] Unknown speaker: How many of you are there?

[1:09:47] Unknown speaker: It's so good to hear a voice.

[1:09:49] Unknown speaker: It's so wonderful.

[1:09:50] Unknown speaker: How many of you are there?

[1:09:52] Unknown speaker: Oh, it's just me.

[1:09:54] Unknown speaker: Wait, wait, why do you need to know that?

[1:09:58] Unknown speaker: Hello?

[1:09:59] Unknown speaker: Are you still there?

[1:10:00] Unknown speaker: Well, where can we find you?

[1:10:02] Unknown speaker: Say again?

[1:10:04] Unknown speaker: We heard you say you had food.

[1:10:06] Unknown speaker: Food, water, a night of shelter.

[1:10:09] Unknown speaker: Tell us how to find you.

[1:10:11] Unknown speaker: Is that all you need?

[1:10:14] Unknown speaker: No, no, no, wait.

[1:10:15] Unknown speaker: I need to think about this.

[1:10:17] Unknown speaker: Tell us how to find you.

[1:10:18] Unknown speaker: Wait.

[1:10:19] Unknown speaker: Yes?

[1:10:20] Unknown speaker: I don't know anything about you.

[1:10:23] Unknown speaker: Look, we wouldn't have reached out if this wasn't an emergency.

[1:10:27] Unknown speaker: It's obvious you need help, too.

[1:10:29] Unknown speaker: Yeah, I really do want to help.

[1:10:33] Unknown speaker: I really don't know how much juice is left in these batteries.

[1:10:36] Unknown speaker: This line goes dead.

[1:10:38] Unknown speaker: Are you armed?

[1:10:42] Unknown speaker: I'm not going to answer that question.

[1:10:45] Unknown speaker: Because I'm not.

[1:10:47] Unknown speaker: Really?

[1:10:48] Unknown speaker: Yeah, I catch food with traps, but I'm living off reserves, mostly.

[1:10:53] Unknown speaker: You've survived this long with traps.

[1:10:56] Unknown speaker: But I don't know anything about you.

[1:10:58] Unknown speaker: I mean, you could be crazies or cannibals.

[1:11:01] Unknown speaker: I'm all alone.

[1:11:02] Unknown speaker: I've been alone for weeks.

[1:11:04] Unknown speaker: We've been listening to you for a while.

[1:11:06] Unknown speaker: Why didn't you reach out earlier?

[1:11:08] Unknown speaker: We know you need help, too.

[1:11:10] Unknown speaker: No, I don't.

[1:11:13] Unknown speaker: You don't know how to read a barometer.

[1:11:15] Unknown speaker: Yeah, no, but...

[1:11:19] Unknown speaker: Just tell us where you are.

[1:11:21] Unknown speaker: If I'm sharing my food, I've got to know at least how many of you there are.

[1:11:27] Unknown speaker: There's four of us.

[1:11:29] Unknown speaker: There's Joshua.

[1:11:30] Unknown speaker: He's only 22.

[1:11:33] Unknown speaker: Ben is 43.

[1:11:34] Unknown speaker: His wife, Jessie, is 29.

[1:11:37] Unknown speaker: My name's Elijah.

[1:11:38] Unknown speaker: I'm 28.

[1:11:39] Unknown speaker: We're good people.

[1:11:41] Unknown speaker: Say your names and ages again.

[1:11:43] Unknown speaker: Do it backwards.

[1:11:46] Unknown speaker: I'm Elijah.

[1:11:47] Unknown speaker: I'm 28.

[1:11:50] Unknown speaker: Jessie and Ben are a couple.

[1:11:51] Unknown speaker: They're 29 and 43.

[1:11:55] Unknown speaker: Joshua's just a baby.

[1:11:57] Unknown speaker: He's 22.

[1:12:01] Unknown speaker: Joshua lost his leg last week.

[1:12:06] Unknown speaker: Are you there?

[1:12:09] Unknown speaker: Please.

[1:12:11] Unknown speaker: Please trust us.

[1:12:12] Unknown speaker: We really are good people.

[1:12:14] Unknown speaker: Yeah, you said that twice.

[1:12:16] Unknown speaker: How do I know I can trust you?

[1:12:21] Unknown speaker: I don't know.

[1:12:22] Unknown speaker: Would you if you were me?

[1:12:25] Unknown speaker: No.

[1:12:27] Unknown speaker: Probably not.

[1:12:30] Unknown speaker: Okay.

[1:12:33] Unknown speaker: We're listening.

[1:12:34] Unknown speaker: You see that highway sign for Window Rock?

[1:12:37] Unknown speaker: Yeah, we passed it about an hour back.

[1:12:39] Unknown speaker: Walk south down 191.

[1:12:41] Unknown speaker: If you look to the east, there's a burnt forest from the fires last year.

[1:12:44] Unknown speaker: It runs northeast.

[1:12:45] Unknown speaker: Leave the road and walk through the ashes of the woodland for just under an hour

[1:12:48] Unknown speaker: till you come to a clearing in a shallow basin.

[1:12:51] Unknown speaker: I'll see you, but you won't see me until I come to you.

[1:12:57] Unknown speaker: That's really clever of you to shelter on the high ground.

[1:13:00] Unknown speaker: Is it?

[1:13:02] Unknown speaker: Well, we're on our way.

[1:13:03] Unknown speaker: I mean, wait.

[1:13:04] Unknown speaker: I mean, can I trust you?

[1:13:06] Unknown speaker: I mean, I'm just really scared.

[1:13:08] Unknown speaker: I need to know if I can trust you.

[1:13:10] Unknown speaker: Please, I have to go.

[1:13:11] Unknown speaker: I just want to help you, okay?

[1:13:13] Unknown speaker: Hello?

[1:13:14] Unknown speaker: We'll be coming tonight.

[1:13:23] Unknown speaker: And I shall prep the others.

[1:13:25] Unknown speaker: Three of them are coming off the road, and they're carrying the fourth.

[1:13:28] Unknown speaker: They're tired.

[1:13:29] Unknown speaker: Well, we can't see over the crest of that mesa, but if we flank them from the left—

[1:13:33] Unknown speaker: They're four clicks out. They think it's only two.

[1:13:35] Unknown speaker: You have time.

[1:13:37] Unknown speaker: Put the truck in neutral and coast downhill so you're in the brush above them.

[1:13:40] Unknown speaker: Hit them with the high beams when you're 50 yards out.

[1:13:42] Unknown speaker: And then what?

[1:13:43] Unknown speaker: Knives and tomahawks.

[1:13:44] Unknown speaker: Well, if there's four of them, I'm thinking rifles.

[1:13:47] Unknown speaker: No, there's a clan of seven to the east.

[1:13:49] Unknown speaker: They're blocked in by the river, but if they hear gunshots, they're not going to trust us when we reach out.

[1:13:53] Unknown speaker: And if they're armed?

[1:13:54] Unknown speaker: They're not.

[1:13:56] Unknown speaker: They just want us to think they are.

[1:14:01] Unknown speaker: What is it?

[1:14:02] Unknown speaker: Hey, hi, yeah, so, um, you mentioned, uh, pear preserves a little earlier in the broadcast.

[1:14:06] Unknown speaker: Uh, no one in the group has seen fruit in months, so it hits a bit of a sore spot whenever you bring it up.

[1:14:12] Unknown speaker: Maybe talk about something else going forward.

[1:14:14] Unknown speaker: Bring up anything else.

[1:14:15] Unknown speaker: World's your oyster.

[1:14:17] Unknown speaker: Point taken, disregard.

[1:14:19] Unknown speaker: Just keep doing what you're doing.

[1:14:23] Unknown speaker: Put a tarp in the flatbed before you go.

[1:14:25] Unknown speaker: You're the boss.

[1:14:27] Unknown speaker: Hey.

[1:14:29] Unknown speaker: Make it quick.

[1:14:31] Unknown speaker: I hate to see animals suffer.

[1:14:37] Unknown speaker: Hello, is anyone listening out there in Apache County?

[1:14:41] Unknown speaker: Well, if you are, you are listening to The Beacon, with DJ, well, me.

[1:14:46] Unknown speaker: I'm about to start my 32nd night on the air, and to celebrate, I'm having applesauce with cinnamon I scrounged up.

[1:14:52] Unknown speaker: I mean, when was the last time you had cinnamon?

[1:14:55] Unknown speaker: But you know, a snack is not the same if you don't have anyone to share it with.

[1:14:59] Unknown speaker: And I am all alone.

[1:15:01] Unknown speaker: I haven't seen anyone in weeks.

[1:15:03] Unknown speaker: Is anyone out there?

[1:15:04] Unknown speaker: Is anyone out there?

[1:15:18] Unknown speaker: Careful who you trust after the world ends.

[1:15:20] Unknown speaker: Sometimes the innocent voices you meet aren't so innocent after all.

[1:15:25] Unknown speaker: Ooh, she's so evil, I love her.

[1:15:28] Unknown speaker: Maybe she could be my new prodigy.

[1:15:30] Unknown speaker: Oh, maybe she could be my new co-host.

[1:15:32] Unknown speaker: Whoa, whoa, whoa, acting was not in Ava's contract.

[1:15:36] Unknown speaker: You only paid her singing fee.

[1:15:38] Unknown speaker: I'm adding her acting fee to your guys' final bill.

[1:15:40] Unknown speaker: You, get back over there with your sisters.

[1:15:42] Unknown speaker: Quit being so bossy, this is our show.

[1:15:45] Unknown speaker: Ooh, I want to turn the radio dial again.

[1:15:48] Unknown speaker: Absolutely not, last time you broke it.

[1:15:50] Unknown speaker: Come on, everybody loves a good zombie story.

[1:15:53] Unknown speaker: Let the dark mother find you the perfect dimension.

[1:15:57] Unknown speaker: No, no, no, no, no.

[1:16:00] Unknown speaker: I must go.

[1:16:08] Unknown speaker: That was weird, right?

[1:16:10] Unknown speaker: I'm telling you, she is so self-centered.

[1:16:13] Unknown speaker: She comes in here with her stupid face telling us what to do and touching our radio and leaving mid-sentence.

[1:16:20] Unknown speaker: That's okay, I'm glad she's gone because now we can get back on track.

[1:16:23] Unknown speaker: Ooh, ooh, ooh.

[1:16:26] Unknown speaker: Oh, okay, this is a good one.

[1:16:28] Unknown speaker: This is a set of parents who are trying to reconnect with their daughter at her new suburban house.

[1:16:35] Unknown speaker: As floors creak, wolves howl, and the walls begin to bleed.

[1:16:39] Unknown speaker: These parents start to get the heebie-jeebies that something's not quite right with their daughter's home.

[1:16:44] Unknown speaker: This is house warning party.

[1:16:48] Unknown speaker: Oh, I get the heebie-jeebies when I walk through the door.

[1:16:51] Unknown speaker: Oh, I get the heebie-jeebies when I walk through the door.

[1:16:57] Unknown speaker: The creepy-weebies dark stains on the floor, it's kind of shabby.

[1:16:59] Unknown speaker: But still kind of chic, and there's cracks on the walls where blood has leaked.

[1:17:06] Unknown speaker: Heebie-jeebies at the house warning party.

[1:17:23] Unknown speaker: Are you sure this is the right place, Artie?

[1:17:41] Unknown speaker: This is the address she gave us.

[1:17:43] Unknown speaker: Raven said this place was remote, but I had no idea.

[1:17:47] Unknown speaker: Why would your daughter move out here to the middle of nowhere?

[1:17:51] Unknown speaker: Raven and Josh are first-time homebuyers. It's probably all they could afford.

[1:17:55] Unknown speaker: Okay, well, then we should have given them more towards their down payment if all they could afford was this shack.

[1:18:00] Unknown speaker: It's not a shack.

[1:18:03] Unknown speaker: It just looks lived in.

[1:18:04] Unknown speaker: By who? The Adams family?

[1:18:08] Unknown speaker: And did you notice that giant beehive and the walnut tree in the front yard?

[1:18:12] Unknown speaker: No, I didn't. Did you remember the wine?

[1:18:15] Unknown speaker: I've got to warn them about that. These things can be dangerous.

[1:18:18] Unknown speaker: I'm sure they know about the hive.

[1:18:20] Unknown speaker: And I nearly killed myself tripping on that broom in the front walkway.

[1:18:25] Unknown speaker: And don't get me started on this uneven flagstone.

[1:18:28] Unknown speaker: Paul, please don't be judgmental tonight. I'm begging you.

[1:18:33] Unknown speaker: Who's judgmental?

[1:18:36] Unknown speaker: Raven and Josh will thank me for warning them about all these little disasters waiting to happen.

[1:18:41] Unknown speaker: No one wants to hear a list of defects when they've just made such a huge investment.

[1:18:47] Unknown speaker: We have to be supportive of my daughter's new home. No matter what.

[1:18:52] Unknown speaker: You know how important this is to me.

[1:18:56] Unknown speaker: I want things to go smoothly, okay? I'll love everything. I promise.

[1:19:03] Unknown speaker: Thank you, honey. Even if I hate it.

[1:19:07] Unknown speaker: I even love the disco porch light.

[1:19:17] Unknown speaker: I thought I heard voices.

[1:19:19] Unknown speaker: Hi, Paul. Hi, Dad.

[1:19:20] Unknown speaker: Raven, how's my new first-time homeowner?

[1:19:23] Unknown speaker: Well, I must tell you, it's amazing.

[1:19:26] Unknown speaker: I never dreamed that I could be happier.

[1:19:28] Unknown speaker: I didn't know I could be so in love with a house.

[1:19:33] Unknown speaker: I can't wait for the tour. Come on in.

[1:19:35] Unknown speaker: Your porch light flickers.

[1:19:37] Unknown speaker: Oh, yeah, it does that.

[1:19:39] Unknown speaker: Josh, my dad and Paul are here.

[1:19:42] Unknown speaker: Oh, Raven, honey, your new place is... Well, it's beautiful.

[1:19:47] Unknown speaker: Do you really like it?

[1:19:49] Unknown speaker: What's not to like, right, Paul?

[1:19:51] Unknown speaker: It's breathtaking.

[1:19:53] Unknown speaker: I can't breathe.

[1:19:58] Unknown speaker: Are you okay?

[1:19:59] Unknown speaker: I can crack a window if that would make things better.

[1:20:02] Unknown speaker: No, with my allergies, no, that'll only make it worse.

[1:20:05] Unknown speaker: He's fine. Aren't you, Paul?

[1:20:08] Unknown speaker: We should have got them an air purifier as a housewarming gift.

[1:20:11] Unknown speaker: Raven, I love what you've done to the place.

[1:20:15] Unknown speaker: What do you call this style of decor?

[1:20:17] Unknown speaker: Shabby chic.

[1:20:18] Unknown speaker: Isn't it adorable?

[1:20:21] Unknown speaker: Sounds like these new floors are original.

[1:20:24] Unknown speaker: Oh, aren't they fun?

[1:20:26] Unknown speaker: Yeah, it gives the house real character.

[1:20:31] Unknown speaker: We brought you a housewarming gift.

[1:20:34] Unknown speaker: Chardonnay.

[1:20:36] Unknown speaker: Thanks, Dad. I will go put this on ice.

[1:20:38] Unknown speaker: Speaking of ice, does anybody else find it just a little nippy in here?

[1:20:42] Unknown speaker: Oh, we like it cold, so we asked Josh to throw a log on the fire for you.

[1:20:48] Unknown speaker: Will you please be a good fairy stepfather and think of something positive to say to her?

[1:20:56] Unknown speaker: What am I supposed to say?

[1:20:59] Unknown speaker: Look at this with the stone walls and the thatched roof.

[1:21:02] Unknown speaker: Shabby chic? Looks more like rustic hobble.

[1:21:05] Unknown speaker: Keep your voice down.

[1:21:07] Unknown speaker: And what is up with that ginormous soot-filled fireplace?

[1:21:10] Unknown speaker: And why is there a giant pot sitting in it?

[1:21:13] Unknown speaker: Wait, is that a cauldron?

[1:21:15] Unknown speaker: It's not a cauldron.

[1:21:16] Unknown speaker: Then what would you call it?

[1:21:18] Unknown speaker: I don't know, but it's not a cauldron.

[1:21:20] Unknown speaker: Did you say something, Dad?

[1:21:22] Unknown speaker: Uh, I was just saying I called on your mother to let her know we were coming tonight, honey.

[1:21:29] Unknown speaker: That's nice. I'm glad you two are talking again.

[1:21:33] Unknown speaker: It's just a normal wood-burning fireplace like you'd find in any cottage.

[1:21:38] Unknown speaker: Are you kidding? Hansel and Gretel could have been cooked in that thing.

[1:21:45] Unknown speaker: What was that, Paul?

[1:21:47] Unknown speaker: I was saying that your fireplace looks like it's out of a fairy tale.

[1:21:53] Unknown speaker: Oh, doesn't it? We sit and stare at the fire for hours, don't we, babe?

[1:21:57] Unknown speaker: It puts me in a trance or something.

[1:22:01] Unknown speaker: It sure does.

[1:22:04] Unknown speaker: Josh.

[1:22:07] Unknown speaker: I can't get over your new house.

[1:22:10] Unknown speaker: It's... It's... It's entrancing.

[1:22:16] Unknown speaker: Thanks, guys. Raven and I are completely happy here.

[1:22:19] Unknown speaker: So happy we didn't know we could be any happier?

[1:22:23] Unknown speaker: It's one of a kind, I will give you that.

[1:22:26] Unknown speaker: Well, funny. Our realtor said she didn't think this house would ever sell.

[1:22:30] Unknown speaker: They must have meant because it's a fixer-upper.

[1:22:32] Unknown speaker: We didn't care. I mean, this house cast a spell on us the moment we saw it.

[1:22:36] Unknown speaker: What kind of a spell, exactly? What plans do you have to fix it up?

[1:22:42] Unknown speaker: Oh, uh, this is it. I mean, it's all done. We love it exactly the way that it is.

[1:22:48] Unknown speaker: Well, hold on, babe. I still want to make a man cave in the basement.

[1:22:52] Unknown speaker: Okay, well, not until we get rid of the bloodstains, hon.

[1:22:56] Unknown speaker: There are bloodstains in your basement?

[1:22:59] Unknown speaker: I have tried everything, but they just keep coming back.

[1:23:04] Unknown speaker: Have you tried bleach? That's what this serial killer used in American Horror Story.

[1:23:09] Unknown speaker: You know, actually, I have tried bleach, but it's just, I can't seem to get rid of it.

[1:23:14] Unknown speaker: Well, it's just a little seepage from the wall. You know, I'd actually call it more of, like, an ooze.

[1:23:21] Unknown speaker: Honey, are you saying your wall bleeds?

[1:23:27] Unknown speaker: Yeah, it does that.

[1:23:30] Unknown speaker: Well, hey, have you guys ever considered moving out of the burbs? Don't get me wrong, the city's great, but we don't miss the noise, the police sirens, the helicopters.

[1:23:38] Unknown speaker: It is so peaceful and quiet.

[1:23:41] Unknown speaker: Oh-ho-ho!

[1:23:47] Unknown speaker: What was that?

[1:23:49] Unknown speaker: That was probably the neighbor's dog.

[1:23:50] Unknown speaker: Or a coyote. I'm always fine with dead animals in the backyard.

[1:23:51] Unknown speaker: Dead animals in the backyard. That sounds normal.

[1:23:59] Unknown speaker: It's probably just roadkill or something.

[1:24:01] Unknown speaker: What road goes through the backyard?

[1:24:06] Unknown speaker: I'm pretty sure it's a predator of some kind.

[1:24:13] Unknown speaker: Oh, I didn't know you were expecting company.

[1:24:16] Unknown speaker: We're not.

[1:24:17] Unknown speaker: Babe, will you get that?

[1:24:23] Unknown speaker: Huh, nobody's there.

[1:24:26] Unknown speaker: That's odd.

[1:24:28] Unknown speaker: Someone was knocking.

[1:24:30] Unknown speaker: I bet I know who it was. There is this poor, lost soul who just keeps coming around in the middle of the night looking for the former owner.

[1:24:36] Unknown speaker: I tell him that she's moved away, but he insists that she is still here.

[1:24:43] Unknown speaker: You should see this old geezer. He looks like someone from The Walking Dead.

[1:24:48] Unknown speaker: Where is she? She has something I need.

[1:24:54] Unknown speaker: I guess every neighbor had this local loony, right?

[1:24:57] Unknown speaker: No, a random stranger just comes a-knocking at all hours and then disappears the moment you answer the door.

[1:25:03] Unknown speaker: Oh, no, not always. Sometimes when he is there, he sort of thrusts his hands out just like he's begging for something.

[1:25:10] Unknown speaker: Apparently, the previous owner used to give him roots and herbs from her garden in the backyard.

[1:25:15] Unknown speaker: Poor guy probably couldn't find them with all the dead animals back there.

[1:25:21] Unknown speaker: I think that the old owner used to be, like, a hippie or something.

[1:25:25] Unknown speaker: A neighbor told us their kids had a nickname for her.

[1:25:28] Unknown speaker: What was it, babe?

[1:25:30] Unknown speaker: The Witch.

[1:25:33] Unknown speaker: Isn't that hysterical?

[1:25:36] Unknown speaker: The Witch! You hear that, Artie?

[1:25:39] Unknown speaker: Kids sure have some imagination, don't they, Paul?

[1:25:43] Unknown speaker: Well, actually, we're about to find out.

[1:25:46] Unknown speaker: What do you mean?

[1:25:48] Unknown speaker: Okay, um, I was going to wait to tell you this until after dinner, but I can't wait any longer.

[1:25:55] Unknown speaker: We're pregnant.

[1:25:57] Unknown speaker: Surprise! Can you believe it, Artie? I'm going to be a dad!

[1:26:01] Unknown speaker: Oh, my God, congratulations! I'm going to be a grandpappy!

[1:26:04] Unknown speaker: Okay, okay, watch the baby.

[1:26:07] Unknown speaker: You're having a baby.

[1:26:09] Unknown speaker: Here.

[1:26:14] Unknown speaker: Well, honestly, we've been trying to conceive since the wedding, but we just weren't having any luck.

[1:26:20] Unknown speaker: Until we found this place. We think it's a sign.

[1:26:24] Unknown speaker: Maybe even an omen.

[1:26:28] Unknown speaker: Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?

[1:26:30] Unknown speaker: No, we don't know, but we have picked out names.

[1:26:33] Unknown speaker: Hazel, if it's a girl.

[1:26:35] Unknown speaker: And Beasy, if it's a boy.

[1:26:39] Unknown speaker: Beasy?

[1:26:40] Unknown speaker: Short for Beelzebub.

[1:26:42] Unknown speaker: Of course it is!

[1:26:44] Unknown speaker: Of course it is! That's... kind of an... odd name, don't you think?

[1:26:50] Unknown speaker: That's why we love it. I mean, it's not boring, like John or Bob or Paul.

[1:26:57] Unknown speaker: Well, actually, we didn't pick out the name ourselves.

[1:27:01] Unknown speaker: Well, then, who did?

[1:27:03] Unknown speaker: The Ouija board in the closet. We asked you to give us baby names, and it immediately spelled out Beelzebub.

[1:27:12] Unknown speaker: I think I need a drink.

[1:27:16] Unknown speaker: I'm so sorry, we forgot the Bevy's. Babe, will you help me with them?

[1:27:23] Unknown speaker: Artie, we have got to get out of here, pronto.

[1:27:25] Unknown speaker: We can't leave now.

[1:27:27] Unknown speaker: Raven would never forgive me. She didn't speak to me for years after I left her mom to move in with you.

[1:27:36] Unknown speaker: Two words I never want to hear again.

[1:27:39] Unknown speaker: Again? Absent father.

[1:27:43] Unknown speaker: How about these two words? Rosemary's baby.

[1:27:47] Unknown speaker: You're overreacting.

[1:27:49] Artie: Overreacting? Artie, there have been wolves howling at the moon, there has been bloodstains in their basement, and there has been someone knocking on their door like an Avon lady from hell. And we've been here for 15 minutes!

[1:28:03] Paul: Look, I admit things are a little odd here. I'm not going to jeopardize my relationship with my daughter over a little superstition. The fact that she invited us here is a big deal. It means Raven wants us in her life. So please let's not ruin the evening.

[1:28:32] Artie: By all means, let's not ruin the evening, just because your daughter might be caring as fawn of Satan.

[1:28:41] Paul: We made zombies.

[1:28:43] Raven: What?

[1:28:45] Paul: Zombies. The drink. Don't worry, Dad, mine is a virgin.

[1:28:51] Artie: Paul, dude, you look like you've seen a ghost.

[1:28:54] Paul: Not yet, but the night is young.

[1:28:58] Artie: Paul, please.

[1:29:00] Raven: Artie, if you don't tell them, I will.

[1:29:03] Paul: Tell us what?

[1:29:06] Raven: Sweetie, your father and I... How do I put this... delicately...

[1:29:14] Artie: Flee this house and never return! Run! Now!

[1:29:18] Paul: Excuse me?

[1:29:19] Artie: Whoa, what did we miss?

[1:29:21] Raven: Miss what haven't you missed?

[1:29:23] Artie: Everything is right in front of you, but you just don't see it! Paul thinks there might be a little problem with your house.

[1:29:35] Raven: Well, I suppose every house needs a little work. Can you recommend a good contractor?

[1:29:39] Paul: No, but I know a great exorcist.

[1:29:41] Raven: What?

[1:29:44] Artie: What is he talking about?

[1:29:46] Paul: Honey, I wasn't going to say anything because I was afraid if I did, you wouldn't want me in your life anymore. This house is not kosher.

[1:30:03] Artie: Can't you see the bleeding walls? Dead animals in the backyard. Zombies showing up at the door in the middle of the night.

[1:30:15] Paul: Artie is right. Your new house is... it's...

[1:30:24] Artie: It's a witch's house.

[1:30:26] Raven: You are living in a witch's house?

[1:30:31] Paul: Yeah, we know.

[1:30:34] Raven: What?

[1:30:35] Paul: You do?

[1:30:38] Raven: We like it.

[1:30:40] Paul: It was a selling point.

[1:30:43] Artie: You can't possibly want to stay here. It could be dangerous. It could be cursed. It could be any number of... it could be the real housewives of Amityville.

[1:30:57] Raven: Do you think that I would stay here if it was dangerous? Our house is charming and it has history. And the cauldron in the fireplace is great for extra storage.

[1:31:09] Paul: Look, this is how I want to live, Dad.

[1:31:14] Artie: Honey, this isn't normal. This isn't you.

[1:31:24] Paul: What happened to my sweet little girl who wore pink dresses and played with Barbie dolls? What happened to my little fifth grader who played Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz?

[1:31:39] Raven: I just can't understand how that little girl would choose to live like this.

[1:31:47] Paul: Right.

[1:31:49] Raven: You put me in those pink dresses, Dad. I prefer black. And I hated playing Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. I wanted to be the wicked witch. And if you remember, I shaved all the hair off my Barbie dolls and I stuck pins in them.

[1:32:09] Paul: I thought you were just being creative.

[1:32:13] Raven: No, I was just being me. And you don't have to understand it, but you do have to accept it. Look, this house, it might not be right for you and Paul, but it is for me and Josh. This is where we want to raise our family. We're staying here.

[1:32:32] Paul: Not to mention, we got a sweet deal because of the whole witch thing. Look, we'd like our baby to enjoy visits from their two grandpappies. But it is your choice.

[1:32:49] Raven: We're staying.

[1:32:55] Paul: What do you say, grandpappy?

[1:32:58] Artie: Pass me a zombie. Make mine a double.

[1:33:02] Raven: Oh, that's the spirit! Hey, after dinner, you guys gotta check out the gate to hell on the service porch. It is so cool.

[1:33:10] All: Here's to family!

[1:33:12] All: To family!

[1:33:14] All: Whoa!

[1:33:16] All: Whoa!

[1:33:17] All: Ah!

[1:33:22] Paul: Your house just erupted in maniacal laughter.

[1:33:26] Raven: Yeah, it does that.

[1:33:42] Paul: Sometimes being a family means ignoring the fact you might die by haunted house. But I have to say, that house warning was so heartwarming.

[1:33:54] Artie: I can't get over how odd your sister acted earlier.

[1:33:57] Raven: What do you mean?

[1:33:59] Artie: I think she's up to something. Plotting? She wants me as a corpse, you know what that means.

[1:34:03] Raven: She's probably going to try to kill you?

[1:34:05] Artie: Yeah. I got an idea. We're going to use the radio to fine-tune ourselves to her location.

[1:34:13] Raven: Oh!

[1:34:14] Artie: See what she's up to.

[1:34:18] Raven: Oh, it's coming into focus. This story takes place in an ominous temple. The Dark Mother's followers have gathered 40 gallons of male virgin blood to please her and initiate the rise of the sinister cult.

[1:34:33] Artie: Ha! A cult. Classic. This one is called, That Time of the Month.

[1:34:41] All: Oh, it's that time of the month, doobie doobie do. It's that time of the month, doobie doobie do. The Dark Mother's coming, so stay on the drumming. And love that 40 gallons of blood.

[1:35:16] Matilda: Maria, please tell me you didn't just spill the blood.

[1:35:33] Maria: I didn't just spill the blood.

[1:35:36] Matilda: Wow. A spiller and a liar. I am so disappointed in you.

[1:35:43] Maria: Matilda, chill. I only spilled a little. She won't even notice.

[1:35:50] Matilda: She's the Dark Mother. A demon monstrous who has existed for eons. She's definitely going to notice. She's got two giant vases of blood. A few drops less won't kill her.

[1:36:02] Maria: She needs exactly 40 gallons to drink every full moon.

[1:36:08] Matilda: Well, the Dark Mother is kind. She loves us. We worship her. She'll forgive us.

[1:36:14] Maria: Us? No, there's no us. My vase has exactly 20 gallons. You're the one who spilled. You're the one who's getting thrown under the bus.

[1:36:22] Matilda: She's not going to mind, right? She can get more blood next time.

[1:36:26] Maria: You never met Millie, right? There was this one ritual where she procrastinated on the sacrifice. She didn't kill and bloodlet enough virgin men. And there were like 19 gallons of blood. And the Dark Mother ripped her heart straight out of her body.

[1:36:43] Matilda: But that was a gallon. This is like maybe a milliliter.

[1:36:48] Maria: Who can know the mind of the Dark Mother?

[1:36:50] Matilda: Please, Sister Matilda, you have to help me.

[1:36:54] Matilda: The Dark Mother helps those who help themselves.

[1:36:58] Maria: Wait. We can just put the blood back in.

[1:37:04] Matilda: Blood is much too viscous for that to work.

[1:37:07] Maria: Fine. Then give me your ceremonial dagger.

[1:37:11] Matilda: What, this?

[1:37:15] Maria: Yes, I'll add a few drops of my own blood, get it back up to 40 gallons exact.

[1:37:20] Matilda: But you're not a man.

[1:37:22] Maria: Or a virgin.

[1:37:24] Matilda: Can she really tell? Do they taste different?

[1:37:27] Maria: She says it's the mouthfeel that's different.

[1:37:32] Matilda: Well, I have to try something.

[1:37:36] Matilda: It's too late. Welcome, Dark Mother.

[1:37:46] Dark Mother: I feel like I have to say this every time. The whole lying on the ground prostrate thing is so extra. A little bow would be fine or even a head nod.

[1:37:59] Matilda: We just want to show our respect to you, our beloved goddess.

[1:38:02] Dark Mother: I think it would show more respect to follow my wishes.

[1:38:05] Matilda: She's ruder than I expected.

[1:38:08] Dark Mother: Of course, Dark Mother. Is there anything else that you would like the coven to adjust in our worship of your demoness?

[1:38:14] Matilda: Why, are you taking notes?

[1:38:16] Dark Mother: I can.

[1:38:17] Matilda: Oh, where do you keep that notebook? Our robes don't have pockets.

[1:38:21] Dark Mother: When you hit 10 years of service, you get promoted to a robe with pockets. Let me see. Notes for my followers. During my last worship ritual, I think it was Friday. Whoever was on drums was going way too hard.

[1:38:38] Matilda: That would be Martha. She's extremely heavy. In fact, next, the percussion altogether strings have always been more of my thing. And the viola is really getting lost with all that extra noise.

[1:38:50] Matilda: We will dispose of all drums and percussion instruments, your highest excellency.

[1:38:56] Dark Mother: Monica has the key to the instrument cabinet. That's another thing. Why on earth do all of your names have to start with an M?

[1:39:05] Matilda: To show our respect to you, Dark Mother.

[1:39:08] Dark Mother: You know, Dark Mother. Mother starts with an M. Well, it's a little cringe. Like a mother who names her twins Maya and Amaya.

[1:39:18] Matilda: Your name's Matilda, right?

[1:39:22] Matilda: Yes. I am so honored you would remember the name of your lowly servant.

[1:39:29] Dark Mother: God, you are such a kiss ass. And Matilda is truly the worst name I've ever heard.

[1:39:39] Matilda: I chose it to honor you, Mother.

[1:39:41] Dark Mother: Well, I have a reputation to maintain. I am the cool demoness. Matilda is the name of a servant for like a lame old maid sort of demoness. What's your real name?

[1:39:53] Matilda: Hannah.

[1:39:56] Dark Mother: Hannah. That's so much nicer. And you? Are you new or just forgettable?

[1:40:06] Matilda: Both.

[1:40:09] Dark Mother: And your name?

[1:40:10] Matilda: Maria.

[1:40:12] Dark Mother: What was your birth name?

[1:40:15] Matilda: Bertha?

[1:40:16] Dark Mother: Ooh. Okay, your name change was definitely needed. I absolutely cannot be worshipped by a Bertha.

[1:40:25] Matilda: Are there any other notes you'd like us to pass on, Dark Mother? We have no percussion, no names starting with an M.

[1:40:34] Dark Mother: Well, my last request is a little problematic.

[1:40:38] Matilda: You're a demoness.

[1:40:40] Dark Mother: Yeah, but it doesn't mean I want to be canceled. It's not June, though, so it's probably okay to bring up. Just say it.

[1:40:49] Dark Mother: I think y'all need to work on the Coven's diversity.

[1:40:51] Matilda: Excuse me?

[1:40:53] Dark Mother: We're extremely diverse. Racially, economically. We even have some disabled sisters now.

[1:40:59] Matilda: Yeah, but that's not the type of diversity I'm talking about. See, I was looking at the roster and like every single one of you is a lesbian.

[1:41:07] Matilda: Nuh-uh. Madeline's ace.

[1:41:12] Dark Mother: Is there something wrong with lesbians?

[1:41:14] Matilda: No! No, I love lesbians. It's just, I'm a sexy demon monstrous mother goddess of partying and the feminine divine. I am a mother for all women, not just the queers.

[1:41:29] Matilda: Are you allowed to say that word?

[1:41:31] Dark Mother: I'm pan, like all demons. Don't be ridiculous. And a pansexual demoness like myself deserves to have all aspects of her sexuality worshipped, not just the WLW kind. I just need some followers who like to suck a little dick.

[1:41:57] Matilda: Fine. Recruit some heterosexuals.

[1:42:07] Dark Mother: And really, it's not even me who has a problem with it. It's the other demons. You guys are calling me the dyke demoness and it is so embarrassing. As we all even joke that you guys should call each other the Scissor Sisters instead of just sisters.

[1:42:23] Matilda: Well, this is a little awkward. I knew I should have waited until the next millennium.

[1:42:29] Matilda: I guess I'll just drink up the blood and be on my way and leave you all to worship me or whatever.

[1:42:45] Maria: BURPPPPPP

[1:42:46] Matilda: Oh, that was great. I don't even think those virgins have done hand stuff.

[1:43:00] Maria: Round two. Please don't notice. Please don't notice.

[1:43:10] Matilda: There weren't 20 gallons in that vase.

[1:43:13] Maria: More like 19.98 gallons.

[1:43:17] Dark Mother: Dark Mother, we can explain.

[1:43:18] Matilda: You dare disobey my direct orders!

[1:43:21] Maria: I tripped. I spilled a little bit. I didn't think you'd notice.

[1:43:24] Dark Mother: I'm an otherworldly demon monstrous who drinks the blood of male virgins. Of course I would notice!

[1:43:30] Matilda: Please forgive her, Dark Mother. It was her first time and she tripped on her robe.

[1:43:34] Dark Mother: Forgiveness? Give me a break! Forgiveness is for that Jesus chump.

[1:43:38] Matilda: Wait, he's real?

[1:43:39] Dark Mother: Listen, the rules are very clear.

[1:43:43] Dark Mother: Every month, two sisters prepares 20 gallons each.

[1:43:49] Dark Mother: If you don't...

[1:43:50] Dark Mother: You get your heart ripped out.

[1:43:52] Matilda: Exactly.

[1:43:53] Matilda: It's really a shame I'm not wearing my heart ripping acrylics tonight.

[1:43:57] Maria: Oh God, please save me.

[1:43:59] Dark Mother: Honey, God stopped listening to you the moment you signed your name in my book.

[1:44:03] Maria: Take me instead!

[1:44:06] Matilda: I'm her elder.

[1:44:09] Matilda: I take responsibility. I should have been keeping an eye on her.

[1:44:13] Matilda: Or hemmed her robes.

[1:44:16] Maria: Don't kill Maria.

[1:44:18] Dark Mother: So rip out your heart instead.

[1:44:21] Matilda: Yeah.

[1:44:30] Matilda: It would be...

[1:44:33] Matilda: It would be an honor to die by your hand.

[1:44:36] Dark Mother: God, again with the ass kissing. You are just so pathetic.

[1:44:41] Matilda: So you're still going to kill me?

[1:44:44] Dark Mother: No.

[1:44:45] Dark Mother: I'm going to kill both of you.

[1:44:47] Dark Mother: Maria for not following instructions and Matilda for being a lame-ass bitch.

[1:44:54] Matilda: I can't believe I quit my job for this crap.

[1:44:58] Maria: I was disowned because of you.

[1:45:01] Matilda: I dropped out of med school because of you.

[1:45:05] Matilda: I have lived the last 12 years of my life in service of you.

[1:45:11] Matilda: And this is how you repay me?

[1:45:13] Dark Mother: Hey, hindsight's 20-20.

[1:45:16] Dark Mother: So should I rip out your heart simultaneously or like one after the other?

[1:45:24] Matilda: Silly Matilda, I don't need the ceremonial dagger.

[1:45:28] Dark Mother: My powers are more than enough to kill you both.

[1:45:30] Matilda: That's not what the dagger is for!

[1:45:36] Dark Mother: Oh, stop it!

[1:45:38] Dark Mother: This is for hating percussion!

[1:45:40] Dark Mother: This is for making fun of my name!

[1:45:43] Dark Mother: This is for giving a fuck about 2 million drops of blood!

[1:45:46] Dark Mother: And this is for being homophobic!

[1:45:49] Matilda: I can't be homophobic, I'm pansexual.

[1:45:53] Dark Mother: No!

[1:46:03] Matilda: You killed her!

[1:46:07] Dark Mother: Yeah, it was way easier than I expected.

[1:46:10] Dark Mother: I thought she'd have powers or some shit.

[1:46:13] Dark Mother: Maybe she really did need those last few drops.

[1:46:18] Matilda: Thank you for saving me, Matilda.

[1:46:21] Maria: Oh, she was gonna kill me too.

[1:46:24] Matilda: Still, you gave her everything.

[1:46:26] Matilda: Gave up your whole 20s to worship a cruel goddess who never loved you back.

[1:46:30] Matilda: And it wouldn't be the first time.

[1:46:34] Maria: What's happening?

[1:46:36] Matilda: Based on several horror movies I've seen, I think the temple is dying.

[1:46:41] Matilda: When you kill a goddess, usually the temple comes crumbling around.

[1:46:45] Matilda: There's rubble blocking the exit.

[1:46:48] Maria: Well, I guess I saved our lives for a few extra minutes.

[1:46:51] Matilda: I can call for help.

[1:46:56] Maria: Oh shit.

[1:46:57] Matilda: What?

[1:46:58] Maria: It's not the temple, it's the whole world.

[1:47:01] Matilda: Look.

[1:47:04] Matilda: Planes falling out of the sky, skyscrapers collapsing.

[1:47:08] Maria: You regret killing her?

[1:47:10] Matilda: Nah, fuck her.

[1:47:13] Matilda: So I guess now we just wait for the rubble to crush us to death.

[1:47:20] Maria: Have you ever wondered what it tastes like?

[1:47:24] Matilda: She drank all the blood, Matilda. There's none left.

[1:47:27] Maria: I don't want to drink the blood of men!

[1:47:43] Matilda: Ah.

[1:47:48] Matilda: Yeah, she's delicious.

[1:47:52] Matilda: She tastes like roses!

[1:47:54] Maria: What?

[1:48:10] Matilda: Oh wow.

[1:48:12] Matilda: Looks like all we needed to end the world was the death of your sister.

[1:48:16] Maria: Typical had to be the center of attention.

[1:48:19] Matilda: Looks like her followers ripped out her heart and ate it.

[1:48:23] Maria: Is she really dead?

[1:48:27] Matilda: Yep.

[1:48:34] Matilda: Even in death she's still a bitch!

[1:48:37] Maria: Well, goals and goallays.

[1:48:40] Matilda: It looks like we finally found the event that triggered the apocalypse.

[1:48:44] Matilda: The end of the world was revealed through the death of Tabitha, the Dark Mother.

[1:48:48] Maria: Who's the stupid bitch now?

[1:48:51] Matilda: Alright, I guess we can bid you farewell.

[1:48:54] Matilda: Thank you for coming to this year's stage fright.

[1:48:57] Maria: Yes, and we hope to scare your heads off again next year.

[1:49:00] Matilda: Alright ladies, take it away.

[1:49:02] Matilda: Hope you had a real good time.

[1:49:05] Matilda: Come back next year for more stage fright.

[1:49:07] Matilda: Meanwhile, find us all online, search, gather.

[1:49:11] Matilda: Meanwhile, find us all online, search, gather by the ghost light!

[1:49:22] Matilda: Well, well, well.

[1:49:25] Matilda: Looks like the show has come to an end.

[1:49:29] Mr. Ott: Mr. Ott? You're supposed to be dead!

[1:49:32] Matilda: We saw you devoured by some otherworldly demon at last year's stage fright.

[1:49:36] Mr. Ott: No, that wasn't me. That was my brother you saw eaten by that demon.

[1:49:41] Matilda: Plot twist.

[1:49:44] Maria: Dealing with Mr. Ott was bad enough, but now we have to deal with his evil twin brother?

[1:49:48] Mr. Ott: Who said I was evil?

[1:49:51] Matilda: So what do we call you then?

[1:49:53] Mr. Ott: You call me Mr. Ott. He was my brother. We had the same last name.

[1:49:59] Matilda: Yeah.

[1:50:00] Matilda: Idiots.

[1:50:03] Mr. Ott: So now that the show has come to an end, I believe the two of you must now come with me.

[1:50:10] Maria: Wait a minute. You're the new owner of Least the Deceased?

[1:50:13] Mr. Ott: Plot twist.

[1:50:14] Mr. Ott: Of corpse.

[1:50:15] Mr. Ott: And the contract that you signed says that you now belong to Least the Deceased.

[1:50:22] Mr. Ott: Looks like you're not quite dead yet.

[1:50:25] Matilda: No worries. We'll make you a corpse in no time.

[1:50:29] Maria: Jeez, I thought you said you weren't evil.

[1:50:31] Mr. Ott: This is business.

[1:50:33] Matilda: Oh, what if we made a trade?

[1:50:36] Mr. Ott: Trade? What kind of trade?

[1:50:39] Matilda: I mean, you could have two regular old corpses like us, or we could offer you the corpse of an all-powerful demoness.

[1:50:48] Mr. Ott: What?!

[1:50:50] Matilda: Uh-huh. Yeah. She's dead and everything.

[1:50:57] Mr. Ott: Wait a minute. I recognize her. That's my new seamstress, Gasp.

[1:51:04] Mr. Ott: You murdered my employee?

[1:51:06] Matilda: No, no, no. She's more than just your employee. She was the dark mother whose death ignited the apocalypse.

[1:51:12] Matilda: And also my sister. And as her next of kin, I can give her corpse to you, but only if you let us go.

[1:51:20] Mr. Ott: An all-powerful demoness would be a great addition to my inventory.

[1:51:26] Matilda: Yes, imagine all the customers wrapped around your building eagerly awaiting to rent the corpse of Tabitha the Dark Mother for their Halloween events.

[1:51:34] Maria: Or seances.

[1:51:36] Mr. Ott: Oh, at least the deceased will be the talk of the town.

[1:51:38] Mr. Ott: Oh, she'll be the afterlife of every party. All right. All right. How much?

[1:51:45] Matilda: Oh, even swap. Her for the both of us.

[1:51:49] Mr. Ott: Two for one does not sound like an even trade to me.

[1:51:53] Matilda: Well, she's an infamous all-powerful demoness.

[1:51:57] Mr. Ott: Infamous.

[1:51:58] Matilda: With a cult following.

[1:52:00] Mr. Ott: How about you sweeten the deal and throw in the corpses of a few of your audience members?

[1:52:07] Matilda: Oh, no, no. They're not quite dead yet. Well, maybe that guy.

[1:52:11] Mr. Ott: Oh, that's an easy fix.

[1:52:13] Matilda: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. In due time, Mr. Roth. In due time.

[1:52:16] Matilda: Yeah. If tonight has taught us anything, it is that the apocalypse is inevitable.

[1:52:21] Matilda: That's right. And one day you could have all the corpses you could ever want because we will all go together when we go.

[1:52:34] Matilda: When you attend a funeral, it's sad to think that sooner or later, those you love will do the same for you.

[1:52:43] Matilda: And though you may have thought it tragic, not to mention other adjectives, to think of all the weeping they will do.

[1:52:51] Matilda: But don't you worry. No more ashes, no more sackcloth or an armband made of black cloth will someday never more adorn the sleeve.

[1:53:01] Matilda: For if the bomb that drops on you gets your friends and neighbors, too, there'll be no one left behind us to grieve.

[1:53:12] Matilda: For we will all go together when we go.

[1:53:17] Matilda: What a comforting fact it is to know.

[1:53:21] Matilda: Universal bereavement.

[1:53:23] Matilda: And inspiring achievements.

[1:53:25] Matilda: Yes, we all will go together when we go.

[1:53:28] Matilda: That's right. And we'll all bake together when we bake.

[1:53:33] Matilda: There'll be no one present at the wake.

[1:53:37] Matilda: With complete participation and a grand incineration.

[1:53:41] Matilda: Nearly three million hunks of well-done steak.

[1:53:45] Matilda: We will all fry together when we fry.

[1:53:49] Matilda: We will be french fried potatoes by and by.

[1:53:53] Matilda: There'll be no more misery when the world is our rotisserie.

[1:53:57] Matilda: Yes, we all will fry together when we fry.

[1:54:01] Matilda: Games break.

[1:54:03] Maria: My turn?

[1:54:04] Matilda: Yeah!

[1:54:05] Maria: Oh, we all will char together when we char.

[1:54:05] Matilda: When we char.

[1:54:09] Maria: There'll be no more moaning at the bar.

[1:54:09] Matilda: At the bar.

[1:54:13] Maria: Just sing out a tedium when you see that icy beam.

[1:54:17] Matilda: And the party will become as you are.

[1:54:21] Maria: And we'll all burn together when we burn.

[1:54:21] Matilda: When we burn.

[1:54:25] Maria: There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn.

[1:54:29] Matilda: When it's time for the fallout and St. Peter calls us all out.

[1:54:33] Maria: Well, we'll just drop our agendas and adjourn.

[1:54:37] Matilda: Oh, yes, we all will go together when we go.

[1:54:41] Matilda: Every tiny tot and everyone you know.

[1:54:45] Matilda: When the air becomes uranius.

[1:54:48] Matilda: And we all go simultaneous.

[1:54:51] Matilda: Yes, we all will go together when we all will go together.

[1:54:55] Matilda: Yes, we all will go together when we go.

[1:55:03] Matilda: Yes, we all will go together when we go.

[1:55:33] Matilda: Thank you.

[1:56:03] Matilda: Thank you.

[1:56:34] Matilda: Ooh, ooh.

[1:56:52] Matilda: Hope you had a real good time.

[1:56:55] Matilda: Come back next year for more stage fright.

[1:56:58] Matilda: Meanwhile find us all online.

[1:57:00] Matilda: Search, gather, ride or go.

[1:57:02] Matilda: Slate!