This transcript was automatically generated and might contain errors.

[0:00] The Ensemblist: The latest radio play from the Broadway Podcast Network is TWITS, a steampunk distraction.

[0:05] The Ensemblist: Starring Lilius White, Michael Urie, Christian Borle, Dakin Matthews, Mary Testa, Ann Harada, James Monroe Iglehart, and so many more of your favorite Broadway actors. Visit bpn.fm slash twits or find it everywhere you listen to podcasts. And now for your listening pleasure, here's the trailer.

[0:30] ♪ Musical number: "TWITS In Love" — performed by the cast ♪

[0:42] Narrator: In a world of mass species extinction, climate change, and yawning economic inequality, a world nothing like our own, one man will not rest in his quest for the perfect martini.

[0:52] Character: Alcohol is like the cousin who owes you money. It promises everything and delivers nothing.

[1:00] Character: I've come to say goodbye, Cyril. I'm leaving for Antarctica on the next dirigible.

[1:06] Character: What on earth are you going to do in Antarctica?

[1:08] Character: I'll find something. They must need someone to sweep the ice or shoo the penguins away.

[1:15] Character: Cyril, darling boy, death before dishonor.

[1:20] Character: Death before dishonor!

[1:25] Character: You must reproduce. You are the last of the Chippington Smithes. We cannot be allowed to become extinct. It may take years for you to impregnate a wife. The Chippington Smithes are noted for the immobility of their sperm. It is generally accepted that in matters of romance, people want most acutely what they cannot have. The usual ploy is to invent an alternative love interest. This brings the desired object's jealousy into play. Combining this with an icy reserve to administer the spool could bring the desired result.

[2:06] Character: You must remember that I am a man!

[2:13] Character: A hat perched just above the organs of sight is a statement. It tells the approaching stranger everything he needs to know at a glance. Are you timid? Bold? Sexually confused? It's all there in your hat.

[2:33] Character: Rogers, what's the bill of fare today?

[2:36] Character: Impossible mutton, sir.

[2:38] Character: Oh, is it?

[2:39] Character: Glass.

[2:40] Character: Any chance of a Welsh rarebit?

[2:42] Character: We have a Guatemalan rarebit, sir, but I really can't recommend it.

[2:47] Character: If your objection to impossible mutton is based on the rumor that it contains human flesh, I assure you that it was denied most vigorously by the manufacturer.

[2:58] Character: In business news, the price of human organ futures rose 5% this morning, with kidneys up 6% and livers up 3%. Hospitals are swamped as speculators rush to sell in a bull market.

[3:11] Character: Sandwiches are the opiate of the people!

[3:13] Character: Even ham?

[3:14] Character: We must return to a time when life took work, when men glistened with the sweat of honest labor, their gleaming muscles flexing under thin, homespun smocks, their women working beside them with heaving breasts, falling into bed at the end of the day to mate like animals. Not the kind of delicate, polite lovemaking you find nowadays, but a rough, passionate, desperate sex!

[3:39] Character: Alice is right! I will join you! I will fight beside you! Take me with you to this new tomorrow!

[3:48] Narrator: In this world, the great minds that should have discovered electricity decided to chuck it all because their true passion was stand-up comedy. It is a world of steam-powered servants and factory-made food in which the privileged few, like Cyril Chippington Smythe, have nothing to live for but pleasure, and fashion, and love.

[4:19] Narrator: Join us for Twits in Love, a steampunk distraction by Tom Allen Robbins.

[4:26] Narrator: A woman of breeding is never a surprise. It shows a lack of foresight.