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[0:00] Jess: Hello Patrons who are now in self-quarantine. Apologies. Self-quarantine. We're now under forced quarantine under order or mandate of the Chinese government. And by that we mean Donald Trump. Donald Trump would never put us under quarantine because that would be him taking any action whatsoever, so that's not going to happen. Yeah, shit sucks right now, but we're gonna try to make you laugh on... We're watching High School Quarantine 3, Senior Year. High School Quarantine 3. Can I give you a little bit of fun fact about this movie? Because the rumor mill was circulating about this film while I was in High School Musical the stage show. Okay, is it that Zac Efron is actually 40 years old in this production?

No, this was not originally just supposed to be another High School Musical film. It came out on Halloween, Halloween of 2007 I want to say? That feels about right. 2008. 2008, wow. Let's put that into context. The first High School Musical came out in January 2006. High School Musical 2 came out in like July 2009.

[1:13] Andrew: Are you trying to say that this was pumped out garbage? Is that what you're trying to say?

[1:17] Jess: Yeah, but it was like, it's like when you try to masturbate after it's been a while and you just get three pumps in and it's okay, that's over. Yeah, I mean, High School Musical 3, it should have been College Musical. I feel like that would have been a funnier thing. It didn't go well, because remember, um, Saved by the Bell, The College Years?

[1:34] Andrew: That's true. Nobody likes college.

[1:40] Jess: But no, this film almost had an interesting premise. It almost did. It was gonna be Halloween version? It's gonna be entitled Haunted High School Musical, and they would be trapped in the high school, um, and there'd be ghosts and they'd be singing. But then they're like, well, they're not putting on a performance, so how are we supposed to do that? I'm like, who gives a shit? We put on a performance twice already. We learned that singing with friends and not trying is better than doing anything with effort. We learned all the important lessons.

[2:09] Andrew: We've learned all the important lessons.

[2:14] Jess: It's like a jungle up here. We've learned the behind the scenes of these movies. Not giving a shit equals quality product. I mean, here we are at High School Musical 3. All right, Andrew, do you want to do the countdown?

[2:23] Andrew: Yeah, sure, I don't care. Whatever.

[2:31] Jess: Oh no, Andrew's got the corona.

[2:35] Andrew: I've got corona. I've got a...

[2:40] Jess: All right. COVID-19. Whoa, whoa, whoa, COVID-19. All right, three, two, one, High School Musical time. Oh, and this one is the only one released in theater, so we actually get the Disney startup.

[2:52] Andrew: Oh man, can you imagine being proud of this?

[2:56] Jess: That was the first words my mom said to me when she saw me. Can you imagine being proud of this?

[3:09] Andrew: Oh, Disneyland. That's closed. You can't go there right now.

[3:13] Jess: Okay, how are you supposed to get into that castle? The entrance is a river.

[3:19] Andrew: Oh shit.

[3:22] Jess: Oh shit, Andrew.

[3:27] Andrew: Oh my god, what is happening?

[3:30] Jess: It's a three, and it's senior year. They made it for the theater, so they had to be like, you know, something interesting. CGI.

[3:38] Andrew: Oh god.

[3:40] Jess: Oh my, oh my god, it's movie quality. He just nutted into a basketball. His head's in the game, look it. His heart's in the song.

[3:46] Andrew: Wow, he's really far behind.

[3:53] Jess: I don't think it's possible to catch up in that amount of time.

[3:59] Andrew: No, you fucked it all. He just passed into the other team. I just saw that happen.

[4:04] Jess: Troy has not got his head in the game. He's got his heart in the song.

[4:10] Andrew: Man, all the fan favorites are back. Abusive Dad. Where's Baking Man? I hope he's here.

[4:16] Jess: What the f- How did you fuck that up? Is this a dream, Andrew? Do you think this is a dream?

[4:26] Andrew: Man, can you imagine being a high school basketball team and losing a game? Ridiculous.

[4:31] Jess: No, we can't imagine all your basketball games being canceled because we can't have big sporting events anymore. Can you imagine your entire high school being closed down for several months? That's the real high school musical. Their school musical's canceled because of the COVID-19 disease.

[4:54] Andrew: Oh, they didn't even lose, they're at halftime.

[5:06] Jess: Who cares?

[5:12] Andrew: Oh, they brought him back! Is he gonna fucking cry, dude?

[5:17] Jess: Does he have a fucking conference tattooed on the back of his head like a swastika?

[5:25] Andrew: They just take basketball so seriously at this school, it's ridiculous.

[5:30] Jess: I mean, it's important, Andrew. Why are they wearing suits? Does the coach wear a suit on basketball teams?

[5:37] Andrew: Yes, yes, that does happen.

[5:40] Jess: In high schools?

[5:42] Andrew: Yes. At my high school, we had a really, actually, he would later on become a very famous basketball coach because of how well he did at our school, and he wore a suit to every basketball game.

[5:52] Jess: Man, my high schools were just garbage, apparently, because we didn't have any good sports.

[5:58] Andrew: Well, they fucked all the bands and, like, um, theater departments out, which is all I gave a shit about.

[6:05] Jess: Well, yeah, of course, I mean, those stuff, that stuff doesn't make you money.

[6:11] Andrew: Yeah, I guess. They have, uh, they have two balls in the court. This feels illegal.

[6:20] Jess: Oh, they let, they let hip cop girl finally get to be head cheerleader? Good for her!

[6:26] Andrew: That is not the Wildcats chant! Um, we set this up in movie one, and you're fucking it all up.

[6:32] Jess: Why is the Wildcats in E? Did I miss something?

[6:36] Andrew: East High.

[6:38] Jess: Oh, is this literally East High versus West High?

[6:42] Andrew: Yeah, this is West Side Story, Andrew. Fucking West Side Story.

[6:46] Jess: Are you excited for Stiehlberg's new one? I saw pictures from it today.

[6:50] Andrew: Are you excited for Stiehlberg's new one? I saw pictures from it today, and it looks pretty good, not gonna lie.

[6:56] Jess: It probably will be good. Thing is, I never liked the original West Side Story. It's just the musical I don't particularly like.

[7:00] Andrew: Yeah.

[7:01] Jess: Yep, that's the only thing I know from West Side Story.

[7:05] Andrew: That's the only thing you need to know about West Side Story.

[7:08] Jess: Yeah, it's a, it's a teaching tool for music teachers that are too lazy to explain what the difference between 6-8 and 3-4 is. They'd use the same thing with the temple in, um, Jesus Christ Superstar. I forget what time signature that's written in, but it's used as-

[7:29] Andrew: I think it's 7-8.

[7:31] Jess: Yeah, because it's one of the very few songs used, written in 7-8.

[7:35] Andrew: Yeah, but you could use that one, uh, that one Pink Floyd song as well, I think it's Money.

[7:40] Jess: Well, that might be 7-4, though. Is that Jeffrey Wright, or am I racist?

[7:44] Andrew: You're racist.

[7:47] Jess: Oh my god, he fell down while playing a sport? He got concussed!

[7:52] Andrew: Man, they really wanted to make this movie quality.

[7:59] Jess: Oh god! His heart is, his head is not in the game, but his heart is in the song.

[8:07] Andrew: Just know that I believe.

[8:10] Jess: Make me strong! I hope they break up.

[8:13] Andrew: I hope so, too. She, like, cheated on him with, like, the director of Snow White in the Huntsman, or something.

[8:21] Jess: Are they trying to imply that the other team is just cheating?

[8:28] Andrew: Nobody can beat the Wildcats without cheating. That's how good they are. Remember when they cheated to try to make the game end, and then they just auditioned for the movie?

[8:37] Jess: Remember when that was a thing that happened?

[8:41] Andrew: Yeah, remember when the Wildcats completely cheated last season? Get me the ball.

[8:50] Jess: Oh, we got a new kid! We got a new boy!

[8:54] Andrew: Rocket Man, you're it!

[8:56] Jess: I hate this guy.

[8:58] Andrew: Calm down!

[9:02] Jess: Okay. What's with little Zac Efron? Is he, like, a main character now? He's handing down the balls to him.

[9:06] Andrew: He's his dad's new son.

[9:14] Jess: They both need a haircut.

[9:21] Andrew: Shoot it! Just get me the ball!

[9:27] Jess: He scored the winning shot, Andrew.

[9:29] Andrew: Why did Zac Efron not just shoot?

[9:35] Jess: Because he wanted to lay down the majesty, and his head wasn't in the game, his heart was in the song, Andrew!

[9:38] Andrew: Oh, that kid was in the mascot suit? You know, that actually makes sense.

[9:45] Jess: What happened to, uh, what's her name?

[9:49] Andrew: Which one? Hip-Hop Girl?

[9:51] Jess: She's the head cheerleader.

[9:53] Andrew: No, uh, Raging Bitch.

[9:55] Jess: Raging Bitch. Hillary Clinton?

[9:59] Andrew: No, not her.

[10:02] Jess: What's her name? I forget her name.

[10:05] Andrew: Mackenzie.

[10:07] Jess: No.

[10:08] Andrew: Taylor.

[10:10] Jess: No.

[10:12] Andrew: Taylor Mackenzie.

[10:14] Jess: It's the, the girl's, the guy's sister.

[10:17] Andrew: Sharpay.

[10:19] Jess: Sharpay! The guy's sister!

[10:21] Andrew: You could have said the bad girl, you know, a lot of things, but the guy's sister.

[10:27] Jess: I did say that. I said, uh, Raging Bitch, which is her character, I'm pretty sure.

[10:31] Andrew: Oh.

[10:37] Jess: Congratulations! I'm still only smiling ever!

[10:40] Andrew: That's her character trait!

[10:42] Jess: My character trait is I can't do anything but smile!

[10:47] Andrew: Is this Randy Quaid?

[10:48] Jess: Oh my god, that's not Randy Quaid.

[10:52] Andrew: It looks enough like him.

[10:54] Jess: No, I mean, that's not Randy Quaid. That's his character, that's his name.

[10:59] Andrew: Ha, I'm not Randy Quaid!

[11:06] Jess: Go have some fun!

[11:07] Andrew: Hey, is this just his house?

[11:09] Jess: Yo, well, yeah, this is, this is actually his house.

[11:13] Andrew: I never had this many friends in my life, Andrew.

[11:16] Jess: Yeah, I had sex in your bed, bro!

[11:18] Andrew: I was masturbating! I wanted to observe the energy of Troy Bolton!

[11:22] Jess: Smelled your underwear!

[11:23] Andrew: Check out this picture, bro!

[11:25] Jess: Dude, is that your dick?

[11:28] Andrew: No, it's our dick now!

[11:31] Jess: What?

[11:32] Andrew: Where is Sharpay?

[11:34] Jess: She's not invited to parties after they found out she was having sex with her brother.

[11:47] Andrew: It's like a jungle up here!

[11:50] Jess: Secret hiding place, everyone can see you!

[11:52] Andrew: You're in a treehouse right above everybody!

[11:58] Jess: I love that they go in and zoom in on this treehouse, and it's like the party music isn't loud enough to make a sound up here.

[12:04] Andrew: What?!

[12:11] Jess: My daddy's a smelly piece of crap.

[12:14] Andrew: Remember when I had like all those like scholarship opportunities and the last one y'all were fucking bitching at me?

[12:19] Jess: This, this is why I did it!

[12:22] Andrew: Fuckers!

[12:29] Jess: I think you need a haircut, Troy.

[12:37] Andrew: Stanford?

[12:39] Jess: Didn't they have that prison experiment?

[12:42] Andrew: Yeah, they did.

[12:43] Jess: She wants to get involved.

[12:44] Andrew: Yeah, she wants to try to convince the slaves-

[12:48] Jess: Like, what was the point of that?

[12:49] Andrew: Like, the prisoners and the guards and all that?

[12:52] Jess: That whole prison experiment thing was not even an experiment, it was more just like-

[12:57] Andrew: Torture!

[12:59] Jess: Like, because the guys that were running it were encouraging all this bad stuff that was happening.

[13:05] Andrew: Like, which is kind of against the rules if you're running a true experiment.

[13:09] Jess: It's against the rules if you're torturing, you gotta let them know!

[13:13] Andrew: Yeah.

[13:20] Jess: I like the CGI like stars in the background that are more in focus than the leaves.

[13:24] Andrew: That, that's not distracting at all.

[13:27] Jess: It is weird, yeah.

[13:32] Andrew: Whatever happened to the guy that did Troy's voice in the first movie?

[13:37] Jess: He went on to have a very successful career.

[13:39] Andrew: Then died of autoerotic asphyxiation in an old alley.

[13:47] Jess: You know, if that actually happened you're gonna be kind of upset about saying that.

[13:51] Andrew: No, I'd laugh.

[13:57] Jess: It's so weird how the stars are in focus but the trees aren't.

[14:02] Andrew: You can very easily see the green screen.

[14:06] Jess: It's not even done well around the treehouse.

[14:09] Andrew: I wonder if this was shot on actual film or if this was digitally shot.

[14:13] Jess: This is definitely digital.

[14:14] Andrew: I don't know, because 2008, that's still late in the game.

[14:20] Jess: Because the first digital film was 2002 with Attack of the Clones.

[14:25] Andrew: And this was the year after Zodiac, like digital wasn't a thing quite yet.

[14:31] Jess: Maybe not then.

[14:34] Andrew: Man, that would be really tragic if this was, this had film wasted on it.

[14:39] Jess: I'm looking it up, Andrew.

[14:43] Andrew: I think about that a lot.

[14:44] Jess: Look, the set spins!

[14:46] Andrew: Look it!

[14:47] Jess: Is the set spinning or is the camera spinning?

[14:49] Andrew: I don't know.

[14:51] Jess: I'm hoping the set is spinning.

[14:53] Andrew: I think the set is spinning.

[14:58] Jess: Well, considering they were able to...

[14:59] Andrew: What? Open the top?

[15:06] Jess: I actually do think the set is spinning.

[15:09] Andrew: There's some very thick lines around the...

[15:11] Jess: And it looks like blue screen, not green screen.

[15:17] Andrew: It's not done very well.

[15:19] Jess: Oh, shit! Andrew, we're watching another extended edition!

[15:23] Andrew: Of course we are!

[15:24] Jess: Goddammit, Disney!

[15:28] Andrew: Does this one actually follow music theater format?

[15:31] Jess: No, because literally this makes no sense.

[15:35] Andrew: Because we have...

[15:37] Jess: How do music theater...

[15:38] Andrew: How does music theater hand us sequels?

[15:39] Jess: Because you do another I Want song for the same characters?

[15:45] Andrew: It depends.

[15:46] Jess: Usually it's about Into the Woods, how the thing you wanted you turned out not liking.

[15:51] Andrew: I consider Act 2 of Into the Woods being the only really good musical theater sequel.

[15:57] Jess: I mean, how many musicals get sequels, really?

[16:01] Andrew: High School Musical is one.

[16:03] Jess: High School Musical is not a musical.

[16:08] Andrew: I defy you on that.

[16:10] Jess: Then there's Grease.

[16:12] Andrew: That's true, Grease got a sequel.

[16:14] Jess: None of the original characters really return, so it's basically the same arc as the first one.

[16:19] Andrew: And they have a new I Want song because it's a different character.

[16:23] Jess: Yes, exactly.

[16:25] Andrew: Phantom has basically the same want.

[16:28] Jess: Oh, yeah, Phantom of the Opera has that.

[16:32] Andrew: They just make everything creepier in that one.

[16:34] Jess: They're just like, I want you.

[16:37] Andrew: I want you so bad.

[16:45] Jess: Up here she is, boys! Here she is, world!

[16:48] Andrew: It's Sharpay!

[16:50] Jess: Fabulous.

[16:52] Andrew: She's got reserved parking and everything.

[16:56] Jess: They give her an entrance like we don't know what she looks like by the third film!

[17:01] Andrew: Fabulous!

[17:02] Jess: Or what if that's Ryan? Like, that's the twist. This has all been Ryan.

[17:07] Andrew: Oh, man, that would be hot.

[17:09] Jess: Wait, are they implying that people like her?

[17:11] Andrew: Well, they have all that building up to a reveal and they give us the most blandest reveal ever.

[17:17] Jess: Wow, she had plastic surgery since the last film.

[17:21] Andrew: Did she actually?

[17:22] Jess: Probably.

[17:28] Andrew: Is she still after Troy?

[17:31] Jess: I thought she was dating the guy right behind there.

[17:34] Andrew: I thought she was dating the guy right behind there.

[17:40] Jess: That was a hate crime!

[17:43] Andrew: That was a hate crime.

[17:45] Jess: I thought she was dating that guy.

[17:49] Andrew: We think that at the beginning of every one of these movies that they just try to set it back to the status quo.

[17:56] Jess: Yeah, you gotta stick to the status quo.

[17:58] Andrew: That's the one thing this film has taught me.

[18:03] Jess: How does she have a custom locker?

[18:16] Andrew: Alright, I hate this movie.

[18:17] Jess: What?!

[18:18] Andrew: I'm done.

[18:20] Jess: Andrew's ready to turn it off.

[18:24] Andrew: I'm ready to shut this off.

[18:25] Jess: Really?

[18:27] Andrew: I'll be honest, I hate Sharpay in every single one of these movies.

[18:31] Jess: It's weird.

[18:32] Andrew: I wish they could just have a movie that isn't like...

[18:35] Jess: A movie.

[18:36] Andrew: I wish they just didn't make movies.

[18:40] Jess: They shouldn't coronavirus this movie.

[18:42] Andrew: Could they create a plot that isn't driven by Sharpay being a drama whore?

[18:48] Jess: Is she even involved in the plot of this movie?

[18:50] Andrew: Because you've seen this movie, I haven't.

[18:52] Jess: I don't remember.

[18:53] Andrew: I know I've seen this movie, but it was so long ago and left so little of an impression, I literally can't remember anything.

[19:00] Jess: Is she as fabulous as she was in the other movies?

[19:08] Andrew: Lame.

[19:13] Jess: Popular.

[19:14] Andrew: He's gonna try to sell him weed.

[19:17] Jess: Want to make out?

[19:26] Andrew: That is kind of bullshit.

[19:30] Jess: My god, she's gained weight since the first film.

[19:35] Andrew: I don't know.

[19:36] Jess: I don't know.

[19:37] Andrew: I don't know.

[19:38] Jess: I don't know.

[19:39] Andrew: I don't know.

[19:40] Jess: I don't know.

[19:41] Andrew: I don't know.

[19:42] Jess: I don't know.

[19:43] Andrew: Meet you at free period.

[19:48] Jess: You didn't have a free period?

[19:50] Andrew: That's where you go?

[19:51] Jess: To the roof?

[19:52] Andrew: Because it's the jungle up there?

[19:54] Jess: No, guys don't get periods.

[19:56] Andrew: Especially not for free.

[19:58] Jess: I have to pay for all my periods.

[20:03] Andrew: Man, have you ever just wanted to like, go downstairs and put a muzzle on some dogs?

[20:08] Jess: Almost every day.

[20:10] Andrew: Don't worry.

[20:11] Jess: This is a Patreon content.

[20:14] Andrew: They get the dogs unfiltered.

[20:16] Jess: They don't get cut out by Jess and editing.

[20:18] Andrew: They don't get cut out.

[20:20] Jess: And that is the part where I say I want to go downstairs and kick them to death.

[20:24] Andrew: You guys are missing out on some great bloopers where Andrew violently describes all the ways he wants to murder his dad's dogs.

[20:35] Jess: I wish it was more acceptable to not like dogs.

[20:40] Andrew: Are you a cat man?

[20:43] Jess: I do like cats, but I would never have a cat because their litter boxes smell really badly.

[20:56] Andrew: Is that hair or a hat?

[20:58] Jess: Oh, she wrote all their names down to audition!

[21:06] Andrew: They're all gonna have to be in the musical, Andrew!

[21:12] Jess: Wow, there's no way you could ever tell somebody that you don't want to be in something.

[21:17] Andrew: Hey, she stopped wearing the stupid hats and found an even stupider hat.

[21:21] Jess: It doesn't even look like a hat.

[21:23] Andrew: It's like a...

[21:24] Jess: Babushka.

[21:26] Andrew: The babushka.

[21:28] Jess: I miss the grenadier hat.

[21:33] Andrew: Family science, what?

[21:35] Jess: Maybe you should just talk to the teacher.

[21:40] Andrew: And just say you can't do it.

[21:43] Jess: That was a great response, though.

[21:45] Andrew: Like, I thought you all would have wanted to do it.

[21:48] Jess: No, you're wrong!

[21:49] Andrew: Didn't they pass around a sign-up sheet and allow them all to sign up if they wanted to?

[21:53] Jess: Yeah, she wrote everyone's names on it.

[21:55] Andrew: Then she wrote everyone's name down?

[21:59] Jess: Why does she want to do it?

[22:03] Andrew: You know the world can see us!

[22:08] Jess: That's all he does.

[22:09] Andrew: There is definitely a song about to break out right here.

[22:13] Jess: Well, everyone's in the same room.

[22:14] Andrew: I hate you!

[22:22] Jess: Does Sharpay not want to be in it?

[22:25] Andrew: I thought she does like to be in the shows.

[22:29] Jess: He's the lead.

[22:31] Andrew: What?

[22:32] Jess: What?

[22:37] Andrew: No.

[22:42] Jess: No.

[22:43] Andrew: And all of you are in this together.

[22:47] Jess: Isn't it crazy that he only has one ball?

[22:50] Andrew: But he always has it. He always takes it everywhere.

[22:55] Jess: Did you know Adolf Hitler only had one ball?

[22:59] Andrew: Him and Chad have a lot in common. Basically, Chad is Adolf Hitler.

[23:04] Jess: This new musical is all about Adolf Hitler.

[23:10] Andrew: How does a one-ball orphan son of a German...

[23:22] Jess: Man, I wish I was watching the producers.

[23:24] Andrew: Have you ever seen the producers' musical?

[23:26] Jess: I've only seen the movie.

[23:28] Andrew: The movie musical?

[23:29] Jess: Yes. Not the movie movie, the movie musical.

[23:33] Andrew: How did you like it?

[23:34] Jess: It was good.

[23:35] Andrew: I love that musical.

[23:37] Jess: I think it works better on stage, because in a movie, all the jokes kind of don't land right.

[23:42] Andrew: I thought they landed fine.

[23:44] Jess: It needs a studio audience.

[23:46] Andrew: It's kind of the same problem we had with No One Calls Ahead, where it's like, they tell this joke, and they wait for laughter, and there's no laughter, and it's really awkward.

[23:55] Jess: I don't really get that, I guess. I don't know.

[23:58] Andrew: I think my only problem with it was Deer and Headlights Man doesn't have great delivery.

[24:04] Jess: Matthew Broderick?

[24:05] Andrew: Yeah.

[24:07] Jess: Nathan Lane is perfect in that movie, though.

[24:14] Andrew: Oh, he's wanted by Juilliard and fucking whatever other college?

[24:20] Jess: Great.

[24:21] Andrew: Has this man ever taken a music theory class in his life?

[24:24] Jess: Why is that moon still there from the Twinkle Town musical, Andrew?

[24:29] Andrew: I don't know.

[24:34] Jess: Juilliard wants him for what reason?

[24:38] Andrew: To act.

[24:41] Jess: Hoops all the way, yeah! Basketball!

[24:45] Andrew: Then how come he's not going to be the lead?

[24:55] Jess: Yeah, good one.

[24:56] Andrew: I'm named Martha Cox because I love cocks! Hello, everybody!

[25:05] Jess: We're not sticking to the status quo, guys!

[25:08] Andrew: Why didn't they take the door?

[25:11] Jess: Why did they do that?

[25:14] Andrew: Because they needed a reason for the main characters to be out front.

[25:19] Jess: I don't know what I want to be.

[25:22] Andrew: I could be a basketball star or an actor or something.

[25:28] Jess: Y'all are missing out on the dance moves Andrew was giving me during that.

[25:36] Andrew: I want to be a ballerina!

[25:39] Jess: I want to be a basketball-playing actor in space!

[25:43] Andrew: I want to be a basketball-playing actor in space!

[25:50] Jess: I want a rocket ship, too!

[25:55] Andrew: I want to be popular!

[25:59] Jess: Can she sing it?

[26:06] Andrew: That was a good cut.

[26:09] Jess: Do you think Charpay, when she graduated, became anything?

[26:12] Andrew: No.

[26:14] Jess: What do you think happened?

[26:16] Andrew: She coasted on her trust fund for the rest of her life.

[26:22] Jess: What happened to Ryan, then?

[26:26] Andrew: He became a fashion designer.

[26:28] Jess: No, he's Dear Evan Hansen now.

[26:31] Andrew: Is he really?

[26:32] Jess: No, but doesn't he seem like the type that would be?

[26:35] Andrew: I don't know, I think he would hate that show.

[26:37] Jess: No, I think he'd love that show, because it speaks to him.

[26:40] Andrew: Why did he tuck in his sweater vest?

[26:43] Jess: Because he's not playing by your rules of the system, man.

[26:51] Andrew: Oh, God!

[26:55] Jess: Man, that was not a good transition.

[26:57] Andrew: You know how Howard Ashman, like, we brought this up with our roast,

[27:01] Jess: How do you kind of vamp in, you need the music to go underscoring in, so you kind of lead into the song naturally?

[27:07] Andrew: No, what you actually should do is just immediately they start singing, just out of nowhere.

[27:11] Jess: Yeah, yeah, you know, you gotta start singing out of nowhere, like, like that.

[27:15] Andrew: And I won't hold back!

[27:21] Jess: He tried to sing, but he couldn't do it.

[27:24] Andrew: Couldn't think of a song.

[27:25] Jess: I don't know.

[27:27] Andrew: He tried to sing, but he couldn't do it.

[27:30] Jess: Couldn't think of a song.

[27:33] Andrew: So, Coronavirus, man, what's your thoughts?

[27:38] Jess: You know, not the best virus, but not the worst either.

[27:42] Andrew: Give it a 6 out of 10, would have again.

[27:44] Jess: I could make a much better virus in my sleep.

[27:47] Andrew: I would have the best virus, the most lethal virus, very contagious.

[27:51] Jess: It's crazy how contagious my virus would be.

[27:55] Andrew: It's called, My Penis Has Hepatitis, and I've given it to everyone.

[28:00] Jess: I've given it to everyone I've ever slept with.

[28:04] Andrew: Including my daughter.

[28:07] Jess: Yikes, don't bring his daughter in.

[28:11] Andrew: She's a horrible person, too.

[28:12] Jess: I won't bring Baron into anything, because he didn't do nothing wrong, and he's an actual innocent.

[28:15] Andrew: He's a little baby. He's a little babby boy.

[28:21] Jess: What was the horrible tweet that got a girl fired from SNL?

[28:25] Andrew: Oh, I remember it.

[28:27] Jess: Baron Trump looks like the first homeschool shooter.

[28:30] Andrew: Oh, that's not cool.

[28:32] Jess: I thought it was funny, because I'm a terrible person.

[28:36] Andrew: I mean, he was like 13 at the time, right?

[28:38] Jess: Oh, he was younger.

[28:40] Andrew: Like, dude, come on.

[28:45] Jess: Look, the line I draw is, if they're actually involved in policy decisions,

[28:49] Andrew: fuck them, get them out of here.

[28:54] Jess: Well, I mean, they have a lot more sets in this, at least.

[28:57] Andrew: Wow, yeah.

[29:00] Jess: Hey, then bring it back to the Hawaiian theme.

[29:03] Andrew: Can we just actually have them in love now?

[29:06] Jess: In Hawaii?

[29:07] Andrew: No, I'm like Sharpay in the guy that cooked the cookies at the end of the first one.

[29:12] Jess: I thought you were talking about her brother.

[29:14] Andrew: That's the romance I actually want.

[29:16] Jess: Like, I don't care about these fucking other people.

[29:19] Andrew: And I hate that she's always after Troy.

[29:22] Jess: It makes me concerned that they just didn't want to show an interracial romance.

[29:28] Andrew: Like, they only partially did?

[29:31] Jess: Yeah, like, they showed it just a bit, but it's like, oh, they aren't endgame, she has to want the whitey.

[29:42] Jess: Yeah, cause like at the end of both movies, that's who she was with, right?

[29:46] Andrew: Yeah.

[29:48] Jess: Oh, why the fuck you gotta make the Mexican woman the maid? Who are you, Arnold Schwarzenegger?

[30:04] Jess: I hate this so much more than the other two, Andrew.

[30:08] Andrew: Yeah.

[30:10] Jess: Honestly, though, I think this might be my favorite number, like, set-wise. I like that she's seeing all of her high school people as, like, servants.

[30:20] Andrew: Servant class?

[30:22] Jess: Specifically the minorities, though. It's weird.

[30:24] Andrew: It's kind of fucked up.

[30:30] Jess: I like his outfit.

[30:33] Andrew: Didn't he become, like, changed at the end of the second one, and he was, like, not like his sister?

[30:40] Jess: Yeah. Not like an asshole.

[30:42] Andrew: I guess they don't have any ideas, so they gotta just revert that.

[30:45] Jess: Andrew, we have to stick to the status quo by the end of every movie.

[30:51] Jess: This is actually the best number so far, though.

[30:54] Andrew: But what is it doing for characters and story?

[30:58] Jess: Nothing at all.

[30:59] Andrew: I don't like that.

[31:00] Jess: This is literally just another song about how Sharpay and Ryan are very full of themselves.

[31:12] Andrew: Can we talk about, like, realism and all that, and, like, how things are framed? The set here is cool, and I like the dancing and stuff, but...

[31:23] Jess: But even in the original two films, there was no, like, really deep fantasy sequence. It was all pretty much like, this is happening in this world, but in this world, you sing and dance.

[31:33] Andrew: Where here, you have these very elaborate dance scenes, and...

[31:37] Jess: Yeah, I think that that's actually better than what they did in the first two, though.

[31:41] Andrew: Because the first two were so lame.

[31:45] Jess: I found it charming in its lameness.

[31:48] Andrew: Where this one thinks it's fucking cool is kind of where I'm sitting.

[31:51] Jess: Well, this one, I think they wanted to up everything to make it seem like it was worthy of theaters.

[31:56] Andrew: This thing has no charm whatsoever to me.

[31:59] Jess: Neither did the first two, though.

[32:01] Andrew: First two had charm to it. They were good movies.

[32:03] Jess: I didn't see it at all. The first two were so boring.

[32:06] Andrew: Okay, the first one had charm to it.

[32:08] Jess: No.

[32:09] Andrew: The second one was charmless.

[32:11] Jess: I disagree with even that. The first one might have been the worst.

[32:15] Andrew: The second one is still really bad.

[32:18] Jess: No, I don't know.

[32:21] Andrew: I think I just hate all of them, though. They're all bad. Like, really bad, and it's hard to even describe.

[32:27] Jess: Look at that cell phone. My God.

[32:29] Andrew: It's hard to even begin describing how bad these are.

[32:32] Jess: What? What? What?

[32:36] Andrew: That's a place you can be?

[32:38] Jess: That looks like a false front.

[32:41] Andrew: I would assume that the actual roof of that high school is down in the whole story.

[32:45] Jess: It's like a jungle up here.

[32:48] Andrew: Say it. Say the line.

[32:56] Jess: I don't think she still thinks it's a jungle up there, Andrew.

[33:03] Andrew: What is he wearing?

[33:06] Jess: Did you take a girl to your prom?

[33:09] Andrew: Only junior.

[33:11] Jess: Why not senior?

[33:13] Andrew: Didn't have a senior prom.

[33:15] Jess: Why? Coronavirus?

[33:17] Andrew: Yeah.

[33:18] Jess: Really?

[33:19] Andrew: No, I moved during my senior year, and there wasn't a senior prom at my new school.

[33:28] Jess: The last waltz.

[33:34] Andrew: Waltz is the easiest fucking dance. You literally just go, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. It's like, whatever.

[33:43] Jess: Yeah. 3-4 time. Just count to 3.

[33:45] Andrew: If you can count to 3, you can waltz, you fucking idiot.

[33:48] Jess: Remember, if you want to remember 3-4 time, it's just da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's the 3-4 part. Remember?

[33:55] Andrew: 1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4-1-1.

[33:58] Jess: No!

[33:59] Andrew: 1-2-3-4-5-6, okay? 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2-3.

[34:06] Jess: Is it 6-8?

[34:08] Andrew: Yes, it is 6-8.

[34:10] Jess: Keep time with me. 1-2, 1-2, 1-2-3. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Come on. Everyone knows this.

[34:19] Andrew: Did you just see Vanessa Hudgens' feet? This has, like, foot fetishes written all over it.

[34:25] Jess: I hope so.

[34:26] Andrew: Not as much as the second one, though. The second one, everyone was barefoot, and they were shoving their feet in the camera. It was weird.

[34:31] Jess: I think the more major production things get, the more people with foot fetishes appear.

[34:35] Andrew: Dan Schneider.

[34:39] Jess: Blockbuster movies.

[34:41] Andrew: Everybody has a foot fetish.

[34:47] Jess: That's why I only shop at a Hollywood video.

[34:51] Andrew: What's with, like, her half-heels?

[34:53] Jess: Are they half-heels?

[34:55] Andrew: Seems wicked. I don't know.

[34:59] Jess: They're very short heels.

[35:01] Andrew: Oh, God, we almost saw upper crack.

[35:03] Jess: Oh.

[35:07] Andrew: I remember, okay. Do you remember before The Rock was Dwayne the Rock Johnson?

[35:13] Jess: And he was just in shitty action films?

[35:17] Andrew: What do you mean? He was always Dwayne the Rock Johnson. The Rock part came from his WWE career.

[35:22] Jess: When he was just The Rock.

[35:24] Andrew: Like, the movie just called him The Rock.

[35:26] Jess: Yeah.

[35:28] Andrew: So he was in the sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth, called Journey to the Mysterious Island or some shit.

[35:34] Jess: Yeah.

[35:36] Andrew: And I had to take some kids to see it, and Vanessa Hudgens was the main girl in that movie.

[35:40] Jess: Did she smile in that one?

[35:42] Andrew: Yeah, a lot. But there's a real gratuitous scene where she has to climb out of a hole, and the camera's, like, right up her asshole. It's fucking disgusting.

[35:48] Jess: It is real nasty. Again, I think the major Hollywood pictures just have no shame.

[35:58] Andrew: Didn't you hear about Corey Feldman? He, like, put a list out of all the rapists, and Charlie Sheen was one of them.

[36:04] Jess: Oh, come on. We could have guessed that.

[36:09] Andrew: He gave, like, a thousand people AIDS.

[36:13] Jess: He's got tiger blood.

[36:15] Andrew: Meaning that it's diseased.

[36:22] Jess: Can I just say, none of these song numbers have had any plot relevance so far, except for maybe the first one?

[36:27] Andrew: What was the first one called?

[36:32] Jess: The first one was just about them trying to win the game.

[36:34] Andrew: Yeah.

[36:36] Jess: Although, so far, them winning the game has had no relevance to the plot, so maybe not.

[36:40] Andrew: Yeah, it has. He's getting offers from Juilliard because he played well in a basketball game.

[36:44] Jess: Am I supposed to believe it's actually raining?

[36:49] Andrew: Who gets this wet from rain that quickly?

[36:52] Jess: I do.

[36:54] Andrew: It looks like they jumped into a swimming pool.

[36:57] Jess: Have I already told you the fun fact about film and rain?

[37:02] Andrew: That it's usually milk?

[37:04] Jess: Do you know why, though?

[37:06] Andrew: Because it shows up better on film.

[37:08] Jess: Yep. If you record a 24 frames a second actual rain, it does not show up. You cannot see it.

[37:18] Andrew: Man, I wish it rained milk.

[37:21] Jess: I don't. I'm lactose intolerant.

[37:26] Andrew: We had to earn them, he says? Actually, you were just given those lockers.

[37:34] Jess: I fucking hate these. No.

[37:36] Andrew: You're gonna haze them?

[37:40] Jess: I hate hazing. This isn't cool in college.

[37:42] Andrew: It's not cool anywhere.

[37:44] Jess: Uh, they're running through the school naked.

[37:50] Andrew: When did they become big, big bullies?

[37:52] Jess: When did they become big, big bullies? There's never been a big, big bully.

[37:58] Andrew: I mean, actually, though, this is not cool.

[38:00] Jess: Yeah, this is actually, like... I don't like these characters anymore.

[38:04] Andrew: What happened to my fun-loving nice fellas?

[38:10] Jess: They're running through barefoot and naked through a... Like, this is actually dangerous. This is bad.

[38:23] Andrew: Yoga Fosse thing is what I call Fosse Verdon.

[38:34] Jess: Why do they count to eight and dance?

[38:40] Andrew: Oh, you fucking assholes! Everyone here is the worst person I've ever met!

[38:44] Jess: Everyone take a picture of them while they're naked! Let's see if they're circumcised!

[38:52] Andrew: How is this funny?

[38:54] Jess: Are they gonna get in trouble for this? Are you serious?

[39:00] Andrew: Bold choice?

[39:02] Jess: Bold choice?! Do you ever think that maybe the people holding their clothes made them do this?

[39:10] Andrew: Ha ha ha ha ha! I hate this.

[39:18] Jess: Why are they getting detention?

[39:20] Andrew: Who?

[39:22] Jess: The kids.

[39:24] Andrew: Because...

[39:26] Jess: I don't know.

[39:28] Andrew: Because they're naked?

[39:30] Jess: I'm very confused. Schools make no sense.

[39:34] Andrew: This movie doesn't make any sense.

[39:44] Jess: And I'm gonna hit you.

[39:48] Andrew: My trickle's broken.

[39:50] Jess: Just buy a new car, dude. That car can't be worth more than 50 bucks. Look at your house! And look at your car!

[40:04] Andrew: I ain't no queer!

[40:08] Jess: Is it sad that that kind of is the whole plot of these movies?

[40:10] Andrew: Yes.

[40:12] Jess: Is just the, I ain't no queer. It's like, uh...

[40:16] Andrew: It's like him trying to overcome that.

[40:20] Jess: I want the hammock to fall and break their fucking neck.

[40:22] Andrew: The entire first movie is just him trying to, like, prove that he's still straight, even though he likes doing musicals.

[40:28] Jess: That's been my entire life, Andrew. High school musical is my life.

[40:34] Andrew: Like, I like musicals, but that doesn't mean I'm not straight. See, I play basketball, too.

[40:40] Jess: Immediately crashes into the ground, trying to dribble.

[40:44] Andrew: Immediately dribbles out of his mouth.

[40:52] Jess: Hungry for that dick!

[40:54] Andrew: Hungry for apples?

[40:58] Jess: No, go away.

[41:00] Andrew: Just talking, Mom.

[41:02] Jess: But we were about to have sex.

[41:04] Andrew: In the hammock.

[41:06] Jess: Don't look out the window.

[41:10] Andrew: Okay, he's covering his erection. Isn't that weird?

[41:18] Jess: Hey, Vanessa, would it be really weird if you, like, just dropped the Anne from your name and became Vanessa Hudgens?

[41:32] Andrew: Do these kids have, like, math classes or, you know, finals or anything?

[41:38] Jess: I don't know. This is the one realistic part where you get, like, senioritis. Like, I can feel the senioritis coming out of all these people.

[41:48] Andrew: Man, my senior year, I didn't get senioritis. I just had no classes.

[41:50] Jess: My senior year, I had literally three study halls. I didn't show up for school, like, maybe a hundred times my senior year.

[42:04] Andrew: Did you like the people at your new school?

[42:06] Jess: No.

[42:08] Andrew: Are you still friends with any of them?

[42:10] Jess: Uh, one.

[42:14] Andrew: I'm only friends with literally one person that I actually met at school. I'm friends with some people in this area that technically went to that school, but I did not meet them there.

[42:24] Jess: Am I a better, longer friend than any of your school friends?

[42:26] Andrew: Absolutely.

[42:30] Jess: That's fucked up. I met you before I moved here.

[42:34] Andrew: That's really fucked up when I think about it. I didn't like anybody at my old school either, so, I mean, to be fair.

[42:44] Jess: Who was the girl you took to your prom?

[42:46] Andrew: Uh, it was just somebody I sat next to in one of my classes. That was literally it.

[42:52] Jess: Did she give you a nice fingering afterward?

[42:54] Andrew: Absolutely not.

[42:56] Jess: Put a finger in you?

[42:58] Andrew: Nope.

[43:00] Jess: I brought a strap on, but she said she didn't want to put it on. So, that's upsetting.

[43:08] Andrew: I'm really excited to do Brent's show next week.

[43:12] Jess: What does he even ask that's so embarrassing? I feel like I wouldn't even have the answers to a lot of the questions.

[43:20] Andrew: One of us could win money, is kind of the cool thing about his show, by the end of it.

[43:26] Jess: I guess.

[43:28] Andrew: How much money?

[43:30] Jess: Like $50.

[43:32] Andrew: Where's my money?

[43:34] Jess: You write Brent an angry letter, then.

[43:36] Andrew: Fuck. Where's my money, Denny?

[43:40] Jess: Can I say that out of all the people in the high school musical that I would see myself with, it would be the girl that plays piano.

[43:46] Andrew: She is my least favorite character in the whole thing.

[43:48] Jess: Why?

[43:56] Andrew: Um, she's this like mousy type, and it's just so fringe. That's my type, so.

[44:04] Jess: We're the two black kids of this school, of course we're gonna go together.

[44:10] Andrew: Hey, look at him.

[44:12] Jess: Hey, don't forget about the guy that makes the cookies.

[44:16] Andrew: What, what? He's also black. What the fuck is going on?

[44:24] Jess: Is this what they mean by the musical's about you? You just do a musical number about what's going on with your life?

[44:31] Andrew: I don't know anyone that likes dressing up. I think it's sick. I love wearing suits. Suits are fucking the best.

[44:46] Jess: Yeah, I agree. I wear a blazer every day. It's like actually the nicest. Because you have a bunch of pockets and shit. I hate not dressing up. I feel like it's lame. But like, if you go everywhere wearing a blazer though, you always look overdressed.

[45:02] Andrew: So I feel like I can't do it. I wear a blazer everywhere. I don't give a fuck. Set yourself up with a style and stick to it. I'm literally sitting at home all day long and I want to wear like something nice. Thanks, Coronavirus. Wait, did they just say Big Fun? BIG FUN!

[45:26] Jess: Is this the Big Fun? I forget what show that was from.

[45:33] Andrew: That was from Heathers. That's from Heathers, right. That song sucks. What should he do with his hair? That doesn't rhyme.

[45:47] Jess: Shaver and Waiter doesn't rhyme, is that what you said?

[45:52] Andrew: Yeah. I mean, it sort of does. Not a true rhyme though. I hate it. I hate untrue rhymes.

[46:05] Jess: Well, that's pretty boring of you.

[46:06] Andrew: I know why their father's staring you down.

[46:11] Jess: Why?

[46:12] Andrew: Because you're about to steal away their daughter's virginity.

[46:19] Jess: Mm-hmm. Not just her virginity, her asshole virginity. For some reason, fathers care a lot about that. I swear to God, if I ever have a daughter, I'm like, fuck who you want, wear a condom, don't take nudes of yourself. Those are my rules. Like, that's it. That's the one time we're having this conversation.

[46:38] Andrew: I don't even have those rules. My only rule is that if they have a kid because they didn't wear a condom, I'm not gonna help fund it.

[46:42] Jess: I don't even mind doing that. I get it.

[46:50] Andrew: Who's that girl?

[46:51] Jess: Ah!

[46:55] Andrew: Big fun. Why are they doing disco dancing?

[47:04] Jess: I don't like any of this. This is bad.

[47:12] Andrew: I don't either. This also doesn't have anything to do with-

[47:15] Jess: Plot.

[47:16] Andrew: There is no plot. These movies don't have plots, man.

[47:20] Jess: The first one had a plot. Second one did not.

[47:22] Andrew: The second one barely- The first one barely had a plot, the second one didn't, and this one definitely doesn't.

[47:27] Jess: Like, this is a negative plot. We are in the negative.

[47:31] Andrew: It's like, we have a song about a basketball thing. This prom thing just came out of nowhere.

[47:40] Jess: I hate it.

[47:41] Andrew: I want them to carry this.

[47:42] Jess: And also the dancing-

[47:43] Andrew: Remember that-

[47:44] Jess: They do, like, the same dancing every single song.

[47:46] Andrew: Yes. But do you remember our carry episode where you wanted Carrie White to show up into the high school musical and kill everyone?

[47:54] Jess: Yeah, this would be, like, the perfect time.

[47:57] Andrew: It's a brilliant idea.

[48:05] Jess: I mean, Sharpay would definitely dump pig blood all over Vanessa Hudgens.

[48:10] Andrew: In a second. Not even because she's dating Troy, just because she's racist.

[48:14] Jess: She's actually with him! Look it! Look it, my romance is coming true!

[48:19] Andrew: Sharpay and the cookie guy.

[48:22] Jess: Can we just call him Cookie from Netsy Classified? Sharpay and Cookie?

[48:27] Andrew: I thought Mose was hot when I was a kid.

[48:30] Jess: Moseby?

[48:31] Andrew: Not Mr. Moseby, Mose from Netsy Classified.

[48:34] Jess: Oh, okay.

[48:37] Andrew: So not Mr. Moseby.

[48:38] Jess: Mr. Moseby killed a man.

[48:40] Andrew: Mr. Moseby is hot, though.

[48:42] Jess: Mr. Moseby legit killed a man in real life.

[48:45] Andrew: It was probably self-defense.

[48:47] Jess: That makes him even hotter, because, you know, I love the bad boys.

[48:51] Andrew: I love a man that can protect me.

[48:56] Jess: Hey, Troy, good job, man!

[49:03] Andrew: Why did they introduce this, like, little Troy character?

[49:08] Jess: Why are you fucking with this kid?

[49:15] Andrew: That's what Donald Trump calls me! Kim Jong-il!

[49:31] Jess: We have replacement values for Zac Efron and Vanessa Theroux!

[49:36] Andrew: Were they setting this up as, like, if the fourth movie happens, this is it?

[49:40] Jess: Yeah.

[49:41] Andrew: Is that supposed to be...?

[49:50] Jess: Oh, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeee!

[49:51] Andrew: Why would you have an understudy for a high school performance?

[49:57] Jess: That's usual. That happens.

[49:59] Andrew: They only perform one time, usually.

[50:01] Jess: That's two weekends, usually.

[50:03] Andrew: They didn't have an understudy for NBC Red Live, and look what happened there.

[50:18] Jess: Guy fucking broke his leg.

[50:19] Andrew: Why does his headphones have a microphone on it?

[50:23] Jess: Because he's a gamer.

[50:25] Andrew: I'm a gamer. This is my gamer gear.

[50:29] Jess: It's about ethics and journalism.

[50:32] Andrew: Stop smiling!

[50:34] Jess: Can we just, for one second, anybody just have a negative emotion?

[50:39] Andrew: My god.

[50:40] Jess: She's got her titty necklace on.

[50:41] Andrew: I hate it so much.

[50:47] Jess: When I was in high school, seeing someone smile was like the rarest thing.

[50:54] Andrew: I was pretty smiley in high school, I will admit. I was pretty happy.

[50:57] Jess: Good for you. When I was in high school, everyone was either neutral or mad at all times.

[51:03] Andrew: And that included me.

[51:06] Jess: How is that different now?

[51:09] Andrew: It's not.

[51:11] Jess: Because that's what the real world is like.

[51:15] Andrew: I also stand by my statements that happy is not an emotion.

[51:19] Jess: I'm happy.

[51:20] Andrew: People don't feel happy. They feel joy, elation, and horny.

[51:25] Jess: And horny.

[51:26] Andrew: Those are the three things that can make you smile.

[51:29] Jess: Happy is a corporate byproduct.

[51:32] Andrew: Your mom's a corporate byproduct.

[51:34] Jess: Happy is something that doesn't exist that they want to spread in commercials.

[51:40] Andrew: Cause I'm happy now you know if you feel like a room without a roof.

[51:45] Jess: That song was literally written so it could be in car commercials.

[51:50] Andrew: I don't understand the lyrics either.

[51:52] Jess: Why would you want to be in a room without a roof?

[51:54] Andrew: Wouldn't that make you homeless?

[51:56] Jess: No, it wouldn't make you homeless.

[51:58] Andrew: It would just make it really shitty when it rains.

[52:04] Jess: Oh wow, she can play chords on a piano?

[52:06] Andrew: Hot damn!

[52:08] Jess: Oh, she wrote them down too.

[52:10] Andrew: Except for, you know the world can pee on us.

[52:17] Jess: Look how many freaking cellos and basses they have.

[52:20] Andrew: That's crazy.

[52:22] Jess: That's a lot of money.

[52:24] Andrew: How rich is this school?

[52:25] Jess: It's East High.

[52:26] Andrew: They're the best at everything.

[52:30] Jess: Just want to be with you.

[52:32] Andrew: He can actually play piano too so get off your fucking high horse Kelsey.

[52:40] Jess: Are they trying to set up this guy who is absolutely the gayest human being on the planet to be in a romantic relationship with her?

[52:47] Andrew: Look, this got a theatrical release which means it probably went to China.

[52:51] Jess: Haha, we don't take gays here in China so send that shit back.

[52:59] Andrew: It's really sad when eating fucking bat soup is more acceptable in China than gays.

[53:05] Jess: I mean, I'd eat bat soup.

[53:06] Andrew: I wouldn't.

[53:07] Jess: Why not?

[53:08] Andrew: Because that's how the coronavirus spread.

[53:11] Jess: I mean, would you eat dogs?

[53:12] Andrew: Because I would definitely try eating a dog.

[53:15] Jess: You hate dogs.

[53:17] Andrew: Exactly.

[53:18] Jess: I'd eat human before I'd eat dog.

[53:21] Andrew: Why?

[53:23] Jess: Humans probably, one, taste really bad.

[53:26] Andrew: Apparently it's like the sweetest tasting meat.

[53:30] Jess: Humans have a really crappy diet.

[53:33] Andrew: Oh yeah, and bats have so much better diets than humans.

[53:37] Jess: Yeah, they eat insects all day long.

[53:39] Andrew: They eat incest?

[53:40] Jess: I didn't know you could eat that.

[53:42] Andrew: Insects, dummy.

[53:45] Jess: I'd eat incest.

[53:46] Andrew: Every song sounds exactly the same.

[53:49] Jess: Everything just is the start of something new.

[53:52] Andrew: This is actually, basically is that song, yeah.

[53:56] Jess: Could be the start.

[53:58] Andrew: Look, can we not conduct a pop song, okay?

[54:01] Jess: Shut up.

[54:04] Andrew: Fuck, you're yelling at me like I did this, Andrew.

[54:12] Jess: The what?

[54:13] Andrew: This movie is just so boring. Like, at least the first two had some interesting shit go on, and we could laugh at the weird lines. Whereas this one's just bland and almost competent.

[54:27] Jess: He's gonna straddle that bitch!

[54:29] Andrew: I feel like this series kind of proves that musical porn would be a really good idea, though.

[54:34] Jess: Have you ever seen the Glee porno?

[54:37] Andrew: No.

[54:38] Jess: It's basically just porn.

[54:40] Andrew: No.

[54:41] Jess: It's basically that.

[54:43] Andrew: Because I feel like the whole success of these movies was just people wanted to fuck Zac Efron.

[54:47] Jess: Am I right or wrong there?

[54:49] Andrew: I want to fuck Zac Efron.

[54:53] Jess: I mean, I kind of feel like that's the only reason that this could ever be popular, though. But then again, you had good musicals that have Zac Efron, and you can get everything you need there.

[55:04] Andrew: Like Hairspray.

[55:10] Jess: This is really good.

[55:12] Andrew: Good.

[55:14] Jess: Look at Ryan, he's just staring.

[55:18] Andrew: My god.

[55:20] Jess: Bah!

[55:22] Andrew: This could be the fart of something new!

[55:33] Jess: So that's how they're gonna run the song?

[55:35] Andrew: He's actually gonna start in the audience?

[55:39] Jess: It's very confusing and I don't think it's well staged or planned out.

[55:44] Andrew: Well, I mean, their whole mindset is just, we should sing with our friends, right?

[55:52] Jess: What is?

[55:53] Andrew: Like, so Sharpay is usually the only character that has, like, any motivation or plan, and I actually don't understand what her plan or motivation is in this show.

[56:02] Jess: She wants to be the star of the show, Andrew.

[56:04] Andrew: I honestly, I don't understand why she can't be the star of the show.

[56:10] Jess: Like, as far as I'm aware-

[56:11] Andrew: She works the hardest, she puts the most effort in.

[56:14] Jess: She puts the most effort in, she's actually just as good as everybody else, which is not saying much, but-

[56:19] Andrew: It's not better.

[56:20] Jess: True.

[56:23] Andrew: Oh my god, I want this man to hold me in his arms. He looks like he'd be a great hugger.

[56:26] Jess: Oh, please tell me this guy sings.

[56:28] Andrew: Please tell me this guy sings and dances.

[56:30] Jess: It's gonna be the start of something new, I'm good.

[56:36] Andrew: Oh, he sings that with the truck, that'd be so good.

[56:39] Jess: No, no, we rewind to the very first movie, and instead, like, we get an alternate universe version where the spotlight ends up on him and he ends up up there with Gabriela.

[56:50] Andrew: Living in my own world.

[56:53] Jess: I feel like that guy would call these two twinks, you know?

[56:56] Andrew: No, he wouldn't know what that word means.

[56:58] Jess: Oh, he would. That guy is a bear.

[57:04] Andrew: Andrew, are you a bear or am I a bear?

[57:07] Jess: I'm definitely not a bear, I'm not even tall enough to be a bear.

[57:10] Andrew: How tall do you have to be to be a bear?

[57:12] Jess: Taller than 5'4", I'll give you that.

[57:14] Andrew: You're only 5'4"?

[57:16] Jess: Yeah.

[57:16] Andrew: I have never seen you in person, so that is actually shocking to me.

[57:21] Jess: Yeah, good for you, man. For some reason, I thought you were taller than me.

[57:25] Andrew: What is wrong with you?

[57:27] Jess: It might be my inferiority complex to everyone I'm around.

[57:31] Andrew: I mean, you are inferior to me, that doesn't matter how tall I am.

[57:38] Jess: I mean, everyone who listens to this show can tell you that.

[57:44] Andrew: I mean, I think most people that listen to the show like you better.

[57:47] Jess: No, they don't. They're just like, we gotta put up with Andrew, because Jess won't do the show without him.

[57:52] Andrew: The show doesn't work without you. Everyone knows that.

[57:57] Jess: I feel like I'm the heel, you know? It's like WWE.

[58:01] Andrew: No, you're the foot.

[58:02] Jess: I'm the bad guy.

[58:02] Andrew: You're the toe.

[58:04] Jess: No, that's not a thing that exists.

[58:07] Andrew: You're the baby face, I'm the heel.

[58:11] Jess: I have the opinions that everyone hates, and they have to just accept it.

[58:15] Andrew: What is the motivation for this song that's going on right now?

[58:17] Jess: There isn't one!

[58:20] Andrew: They just made a bunch of fucking music videos.

[58:25] Jess: That actually kind of is what happened here.

[58:29] Andrew: I feel like Finn Lizzie did this song better.

[58:33] Jess: The boys are back in town!

[58:39] Andrew: I like that song better when it was used in the Toy Story 2 ads, and they changed it to the toys are back in town.

[58:44] Jess: Oh, that's funny.

[58:45] Andrew: That's hilarious.

[58:50] Jess: Did they just find machetes, or are those pipes?

[58:54] Andrew: Um, they've got a demon car there.

[59:00] Jess: Yeah.

[59:01] Andrew: Is this a Stephen King thing, or?

[59:05] Jess: I mean, that is how they tried to kill the It Monster, right?

[59:08] Andrew: Pipes?

[59:09] Jess: Yeah, it worked that.

[59:11] Andrew: I mean, it didn't work because James McAvoy had to go back into the woods.

[59:19] Jess: God. The boys are back, the boys are back, the boys are back.

[59:22] Andrew: The boys are back. The boys are back. The boys are back. The boys are back.

[59:31] Jess: Am I allowed to just say I hate this?

[59:33] Andrew: No, you're not allowed to do anything.

[59:38] Jess: We're not even halfway through yet.

[59:41] Andrew: The boys are back. The boys are back. The boys are back. The boys are back.

[59:57] Jess: Alright, I think this is the right time to take a pee break if I'm ever gonna take one.

[1:00:02] Andrew: Boys are back in town. Andrew, can we sing this when we finally do our concert series?

[1:00:08] Jess: I mean, I'm not gonna sing this. What the fuck? Okay, I'm done. I'm done. I'll be back.

[1:00:20] Andrew: What is the point here? Like, they added all these special effects and cool shit, but it's all in service of nothing.

[1:00:28] Jess: What the hell? Oh my god, why is this? Oh my god, this is awful.

[1:00:41] Andrew: Oh my god, guys. These are just the worst movies I've ever seen.

[1:01:12] Jess: Well, worst musical movies, I guess. I think I'm learning to appreciate the Cats movie more and more every day.

[1:01:23] Andrew: Is the song still going?

[1:01:25] Jess: No, it ended. Song ended, Jess.

[1:01:30] Andrew: I'm gonna whoop your butt. I'm gonna whoop your butt.

[1:01:32] Jess: I gotta say, Jess, you missed the worst part, I think.

[1:01:36] Andrew: Oh no. Right when you walked away, they did a thing where they switched the two characters with, like, little kid versions of them.

[1:01:44] Jess: I think I wanna fucking die. Holy shit.

[1:01:54] Andrew: Jess, will you stop being my mom for a second? Will you stop being my mommy? My mama mama mama?

[1:02:00] Jess: Will you stop being my mom for a second and be my friend?

[1:02:08] Andrew: What? Are they making out up there? I hope so.

[1:02:16] Jess: Stop.

[1:02:22] Andrew: Why U of A?

[1:02:24] Jess: I'm very confused. Never follow your boyfriend to college, guys. It's a bad idea.

[1:02:32] Andrew: Like, no matter how much you think you love them, no. Don't do it. It's a bad idea.

[1:02:40] Jess: I mean, yeah. Even in the timeline of these movies, they've only been going out for, like, a year.

[1:02:46] Andrew: Yeah, like, fuck. Dude, you probably haven't even, like, let him put a finger in your butt yet. Like, you don't know how weird shit gets.

[1:02:56] Jess: Yeah. You have to wait until you put your finger up your nose. That's as weird as it goes.

[1:03:06] Andrew: Do you think they've farted around each other yet?

[1:03:08] Jess: Look, have you ever tried to put your finger up a girl's nose? Boys' fingers are too thick, you can't fit it in there.

[1:03:14] Andrew: No.

[1:03:30] Jess: But no, seriously, guys. Go to where you want to go. Don't let any guy decide where you should be. Or girl. Really, don't follow your people.

[1:03:40] Andrew: And really, just don't go to college. Because it's just a huge waste of money and time.

[1:03:46] Jess: No, just stop caring. Stop caring.

[1:03:50] Andrew: Guys, what you need to remember is that the expectation for you to produce something and to contribute to society is a capitalist idea.

[1:04:00] Jess: And really, if we all want to make this a better socialist society, we should just not have jobs.

[1:04:06] Andrew: Yeah, like right now during the coronavirus where they've just forgiven and they're starting to pay you to just exist and stay home.

[1:04:12] Jess: Honestly, this is the best version of life we've got here.

[1:04:16] Andrew: Yeah. Did you see the thing that Norway said about the United States?

[1:04:22] Jess: What they said about the United States?

[1:04:24] Andrew: Norway, like, made a post saying, like, we highly advise everybody to come back, especially people that are living in underdeveloped countries with poor medical systems.

[1:04:36] Jess: For example, the United States.

[1:04:38] Andrew: They're not wrong, is the sad thing.

[1:04:42] Jess: Oh, man.

[1:04:48] Andrew: Zach and his dad are milk boys.

[1:04:50] Jess: All the guys are drinking milk, like a big glass of milk.

[1:04:54] Andrew: Make strong bones, Andrew.

[1:04:56] Jess: You know, I love milk, so I can't even argue.

[1:05:00] Andrew: Are you my milky boy?

[1:05:02] Jess: I'm my milky way.

[1:05:04] Andrew: I'm going to make my own milky way in this universe.

[1:05:06] Jess: I don't understand how people can drink milk.

[1:05:08] Andrew: Really? I love milk.

[1:05:10] Jess: It makes me feel nauseous.

[1:05:12] Andrew: Just think about it.

[1:05:14] Jess: Are you lactose intolerant?

[1:05:16] Andrew: I am.

[1:05:18] Jess: Okay, well, that's why.

[1:05:20] Andrew: I'm not.

[1:05:22] Jess: I just love milk.

[1:05:24] Andrew: My girlfriend loves milk, and every time I'm around her and I see her drink that shit, I'm like, ugh.

[1:05:26] Jess: See, look at the fucking stars again. It's pissing me off.

[1:05:30] Andrew: Look at this. The treehouse is obviously blue screen.

[1:05:34] Jess: This looks like the room.

[1:05:36] Andrew: Oh, God.

[1:05:38] Jess: Yes, we did. This is a thing that's happening.

[1:05:40] Andrew: Can they reach out and try to touch each other?

[1:05:42] Jess: Please.

[1:05:44] Andrew: It's just a greasy, just a greasy spoon without you.

[1:05:54] Jess: I mean, is that not what this is?

[1:05:56] Andrew: This literally is what this is.

[1:06:02] Jess: I hate that every song is just a pop song.

[1:06:04] Andrew: Remember when the first one we had some variety, though?

[1:06:08] Jess: Can we get, like, an actual show tune?

[1:06:14] Andrew: Do you think they were actually physically there together?

[1:06:18] Jess: No.

[1:06:20] Andrew: Were they broken up at this point?

[1:06:22] Jess: No, they're not.

[1:06:24] Andrew: No, in real life.

[1:06:26] Jess: Oh, I hope so.

[1:06:30] Andrew: You can see she's trying to not smile, but it's, like, almost creeping back in.

[1:06:36] Jess: Yeah.

[1:06:44] Andrew: Movies glorify high school so much.

[1:06:48] Jess: High school is so lame.

[1:06:50] Andrew: High school is so lame. Really, the best part is working until you die.

[1:06:54] Jess: That's the best part of life.

[1:06:56] Andrew: Actually, the best part of life is dying.

[1:07:02] Jess: Yes, I agree.

[1:07:06] Andrew: Knowing that it has an ending is really the most rewarding part of any of my life.

[1:07:10] Jess: It's so nice to have closure, you know?

[1:07:14] Andrew: It's like, sure, High School Musical 3 exists, and I'm watching it right now, but eventually, I won't remember this, you know?

[1:07:22] Jess: Eventually, I'm just a blip in this universe, and I will soon not exist.

[1:07:28] Andrew: My favorite thing to remember is that no matter how stressed you get about anything, eventually the Earth will be in a black hole, and it will not have mattered at all.

[1:07:36] Jess: Yes, nothing you do on this Earth matters. Just think about that. It makes me feel better. Literally a hundred years from now, no one will even know your name.

[1:07:46] Andrew: Jess looks so depressed right now.

[1:07:52] Jess: Jess is, like, actually, like, suicide watch.

[1:07:58] Andrew: The only good thing to come out of this world... High School Musical 3 has broken Jess.

[1:08:06] Jess: Look at them feet!

[1:08:08] Andrew: Look at them feet!

[1:08:10] Jess: Quit Tarantino!

[1:08:12] Andrew: Zoom in on them!

[1:08:14] Jess: Oh, put your feet in the air where everyone can see them. Oh, wiggle them toes.

[1:08:24] Andrew: I am starting to think that Kenny Ortega does have a foot fetish. It's weirding me out. Pizza time!

[1:08:32] Jess: What was the pizza order from the room that was, like, fucking insane?

[1:08:38] Andrew: I don't remember. It was, like, half anchovy and half pineapple or something ridiculous.

[1:08:42] Jess: Half anchovy, half pineapple. No, Lisa ordered it.

[1:08:46] Andrew: If it came out of his mouth, it would somehow be less weird.

[1:08:54] Jess: I'd like a glass of hot water, please.

[1:08:58] Andrew: What, do I speak Chinese?

[1:09:02] Jess: Oh, Tommy.

[1:09:04] Andrew: Tommy, Tommy.

[1:09:10] Jess: Don't you remember when you eat pizza on the floor wearing, like, a shitty old navy sweater with your girlfriend in a full-ass dress?

[1:09:18] Andrew: I don't do that. When I eat off the floor, it's always a cheeseburger. And I'm very drunk, and my daughter is filming me.

[1:09:28] Jess: What a mess.

[1:09:30] Andrew: What a mess.

[1:09:34] Jess: I try to remember how any song from Jekyll and Hyde goes, but I can't.

[1:09:40] Andrew: Ah, the feeling of being alive.

[1:09:42] Jess: What a feeling of being so alive.

[1:09:46] Andrew: The feeling of being Edward Hyde.

[1:09:52] Jess: Andrew, you don't remember the best song from Jekyll and Hyde? Murder, murder. It's a nightmare. Murder, murder, murder. Jekyll and Hyde.

[1:10:00] Andrew: Jekyll and Hyde is basically High School Musical, but it actually went to Broadway.

[1:10:06] Jess: High School Musical went to Broadway?

[1:10:08] Andrew: Oh, no! Really?

[1:10:10] Jess: Yeah. Why?

[1:10:12] Andrew: There's not even, like...

[1:10:14] Jess: I hate it. Is it at least different than the movie?

[1:10:16] Andrew: Yes.

[1:10:18] Jess: Okay, that's good.

[1:10:20] Andrew: It's still not good, good, but maybe they improved it from the movie, at least.

[1:10:26] Jess: It's basically the same. Like...

[1:10:30] Andrew: But there's enough added, and some of the songs are pretty neat. That's it.

[1:10:34] Jess: Look at that booty.

[1:10:36] Andrew: Mmm, I made your face.

[1:10:38] Jess: Ooh, me mamacita.

[1:10:42] Andrew: You racist.

[1:10:46] Jess: You still have to get that V card.

[1:10:48] Andrew: What do you need to say goodbye for, anyway? Don't you guys have cell phones? Internet?

[1:10:52] Jess: Um, they don't have FaceTime yet, so you can't even send nudes via FaceTime anymore.

[1:10:58] Andrew: How far away are they going for school?

[1:11:00] Jess: Like, one's going to Stanford, which is in California, and the other one is going to Virginia, I think?

[1:11:04] Andrew: No, he's going to Juilliard.

[1:11:06] Jess: No, he was given an offer by Juilliard, which is still in New York, which is still on the opposite side of the world from fucking Stanford.

[1:11:18] Andrew: How come neither one of them's going to a party school?

[1:11:20] Jess: I don't think Troy is really a partier.

[1:11:22] Andrew: You kidding me? He hung out in a tree house at his own party. Remember that?

[1:11:28] Jess: My trick doesn't work!

[1:11:30] Andrew: Is this the only High School Musical film where we don't see how low he's gone and how sad he is by him not being able to shoot basketballs?

[1:11:40] Jess: No, that's going to happen. There's going to be a scene.

[1:11:48] Andrew: What is that?

[1:11:54] Jess: Oh, my God!

[1:12:02] Andrew: The thing with the extended version of this is I don't think I could even pick out what wasn't originally in, because nothing has any point.

[1:12:10] Jess: So, like, you could cut anything out of this movie, and it wouldn't matter.

[1:12:14] Andrew: Is he actually walking home?

[1:12:16] Jess: My God.

[1:12:18] Andrew: Jesus Christ.

[1:12:24] Jess: What? What? What?

[1:12:28] Andrew: He's masturbating to a sea lady.

[1:12:34] Jess: Have you seen The Lighthouse?

[1:12:38] Andrew: That movie's fucking great.

[1:12:40] Jess: Very confusing.

[1:12:42] Andrew: I didn't really...

[1:12:44] Jess: I love that movie.

[1:12:46] Andrew: What do you mean?

[1:12:48] Jess: What part of it was confusing?

[1:12:50] Andrew: Like, all of it?

[1:12:52] Jess: No! That film is straightforward and you understand all of it.

[1:12:56] Andrew: You know what movie is straightforward and you understand all of it? Parasite? Knives Out.

[1:13:02] Jess: Knives Out is really good, though.

[1:13:04] Andrew: Eh, I could have... That twist at the end ruined the whole thing for me.

[1:13:10] Jess: It's so lame!

[1:13:12] Andrew: It's so lame!

[1:13:14] Jess: What did you think of Parasite?

[1:13:16] Andrew: We had to reschedule due to coronavirus issues.

[1:13:20] Jess: Fucking great, Andrew.

[1:13:22] Andrew: I have it on Prime if you guys want that.

[1:13:26] Jess: I'm sure we can find it.

[1:13:28] Andrew: I just stole Knives Out. I didn't pay any money for it.

[1:13:32] Jess: I should just give you my Prime login so I can, like...

[1:13:36] Andrew: So what I have, you have.

[1:13:38] Jess: Walk away, walk away, way.

[1:13:42] Andrew: Are you guys going to Stanford already? Like, you haven't even graduated yet.

[1:13:48] Jess: Don't you have a play to rehearse?

[1:13:50] Andrew: Can we stop with the drama? You're literally going to school for like six months and then you're going to come home and see him again.

[1:13:56] Jess: High school kids are so dramatic.

[1:14:02] Andrew: Finally! Sharpie's doing the duet with Troy! At long last!

[1:14:12] Andrew: We're all in this together! It's not like she caused her to go to college!

[1:14:26] Jess: Is she already gone? Yeah, she left early.

[1:14:29] Andrew: What? Why? I don't understand. Who goes to college early like that?

[1:14:37] Jess: Um, there's some early admissions thing where they try to get you in early.

[1:14:43] Andrew: It's not ridiculous to think. Does he not have, like, a phone?

[1:14:47] Jess: Because, you know what normal people would be doing right now? Hey, babe, you up? Send me titties!

[1:14:54] Andrew: Here he is! Yeah! We actually shot it, though.

[1:15:01] Jess: Wow. I guess he's not feeling too down about this.

[1:15:04] Andrew: He's pretty happy. You mean knee-deep in penises, not geniuses.

[1:15:12] Jess: Because that's what's actually going on. You don't go to Stanford just to get, you know, an education.

[1:15:29] Andrew: Those STEM students know how to party. They do, though.

[1:15:32] Jess: Have you ever, like, actually hung out with STEM students? Like, engineers and shit?

[1:15:36] Andrew: Oh, yeah. Most of my friends are. They're intense.

[1:15:40] Jess: Oh, yeah. Most of them turn out to be rapists. It's fucked up.

[1:15:44] Andrew: I mean, I don't know about that.

[1:15:47] Jess: God.

[1:16:01] Andrew: Chad, I'm gonna disagree with you, Zac Efron, there.

[1:16:05] Jess: Chad's only character trait is being best friends with you.

[1:16:08] Andrew: That is the only, like... That is, like, you would literally sing a song about it.

[1:16:12] Jess: Yes. His only tie to reality is being Troy Bolton's friend.

[1:16:19] Andrew: Like, it's not, I think, therefore I am. It's, I am friends with Troy Bolton, therefore I am.

[1:16:24] Jess: Like, that's actually one of the plot points of the second movie.

[1:16:30] Andrew: Nervous fucking breakdown, because I don't have a relationship to myself.

[1:16:39] Jess: And be like Andrew. I know this isn't true.

[1:16:42] Andrew: Like, if just because you and I didn't do the podcast anymore, you didn't have any reason to exist.

[1:16:48] Jess: I mean, that actually would happen. If we ceased to do the podcast, I would actually phase out of reality.

[1:16:54] Andrew: Meaning you would just not have a presence on the internet and just go back to home.

[1:16:58] Jess: No, no. I mean, I literally would not exist anymore. I would retroactively no longer exist.

[1:17:03] Andrew: They'd snap you out like Thanos?

[1:17:06] Jess: I'm serious. If we stop doing the podcast at any point, you can go back and listen to old episodes. I will no longer be in them.

[1:17:12] Andrew: It's just me talking to myself. Laughing for no reason. Occasionally Brent shows up.

[1:17:23] Jess: God, you can just break into a school at night.

[1:17:27] Andrew: I'm just excited for when you finally quit the show so me and Brent can start, you know.

[1:17:33] Jess: No, I die. Remember, I have to die.

[1:17:36] Andrew: Oh, you have to die. I can't wait for you to die of coronavirus and then me and Brent start our show.

[1:17:42] Jess: I don't think Brent would do it, is the thing.

[1:17:45] Andrew: I don't think he would, and I also don't think we'd even get along past, like, two episodes.

[1:17:50] Jess: I couldn't hear most of the chess episode, but y'all seemed to do it fine.

[1:17:54] Andrew: The chess episode is a trial run of the Andrew and Brent musicals with cheese.

[1:18:04] Jess: Because I couldn't hear most of it and was like, oh no.

[1:18:09] Andrew: Are they retiring his jersey?

[1:18:12] Jess: Yeah, I guess so. The balls are falling! The CG balls!

[1:18:17] Andrew: Like, those are the worst CGI balls I've ever seen.

[1:18:21] Jess: Yeah, and I've watched a lot of weird porn.

[1:18:36] Andrew: The balls are in my hands, too.

[1:18:42] Jess: Hey! They're doing the Inception trick!

[1:18:52] Andrew: You know how they do that, right?

[1:18:55] Jess: Yeah, they spin the hallway, right?

[1:18:57] Andrew: It's fucked up. It's kinda cool, but...

[1:19:00] Jess: Yeah. There's about 40 other ways you could've done this better.

[1:19:07] Andrew: I mean, this particular effect? I don't think so.

[1:19:13] Jess: Isn't that how they did it in Nightmare on Elm Street, as well?

[1:19:16] Andrew: Yes, they did.

[1:19:19] Jess: Which was way before Inception, in this?

[1:19:22] Andrew: Yeah.

[1:19:42] Jess: Does Juilliard not have a basketball team?

[1:19:45] Andrew: No, they do not.

[1:19:47] Jess: That stinks.

[1:19:50] Andrew: It's more like the U of A did not have a drama program, which seems less likely to me.

[1:19:56] Jess: Yeah, honestly.

[1:20:00] Andrew: It's not like it's a basketball school.

[1:20:10] Jess: What, is this a Prince song? What is happening?

[1:20:13] Andrew: Why is he not singing? He's, like, talking.

[1:20:15] Jess: It's a rap. This is Hamilton.

[1:20:25] Andrew: This is not a good movie, guys. This isn't even, like, dumb fun.

[1:20:32] Jess: I think the only thing that's improved from this one, compared to the other ones, is just better production values.

[1:20:39] Andrew: Which means nothing. Nothing to me.

[1:20:46] Jess: It's like, you could have put that production value towards something that actually had a good story.

[1:20:53] Andrew: He did a scream. He broke into the school at night. He should probably be in jail.

[1:20:58] Jess: I think the worst thing about the High School Musical series is that it's, like, bad on purpose.

[1:21:07] Andrew: What the fuck is she doing here?

[1:21:11] Jess: That was great! Bravo!

[1:21:14] Andrew: Finally, some passion in the theater!

[1:21:31] Jess: Huh?

[1:21:33] Andrew: I don't know.

[1:21:36] Jess: I don't know. I guess I just was bored.

[1:21:41] Andrew: I don't know.

[1:21:44] Jess: Maybe dogs should die.

[1:21:48] Andrew: That's a good question.

[1:21:51] Jess: I mean, if they all go to heaven, why not just kill them?

[1:21:54] Andrew: That's a fair point.

[1:21:58] Jess: You can't do that! How do you know his fucking social security number and shit?

[1:22:08] Andrew: You have four children out of wedlock, each by different fathers.

[1:22:13] Jess: I like how he's pursuing two careers, both of which are, like...

[1:22:19] Andrew: Like, he's pursuing sports or drama. Those are his choices.

[1:22:25] Jess: The man's taking risks, okay? That's all I'm saying.

[1:22:30] Andrew: You're either gonna be Kobe or Patti LuPone, nothing in between.

[1:22:35] Jess: He also definitely is not cut out for drama.

[1:22:39] Andrew: No.

[1:22:41] Jess: Troy Bolton is not a good actor.

[1:22:43] Andrew: Wow, it's like a jungle out here!

[1:22:49] Jess: I really hope the moral of this one is to not follow your dreams, because you have to make sure you stay with your high school crush.

[1:22:55] Andrew: I feel like that's honestly a good thing.

[1:22:57] Jess: I feel like that's honestly a good thing.

[1:22:59] Andrew: I really hope the moral of this one is to not follow your dreams, because you have to make sure you stay with your high school crush.

[1:23:04] Jess: I feel like that's honestly a good thing.

[1:23:10] Andrew: That's actually been the first kind of funny joke in this show.

[1:23:21] Jess: Aw, they didn't have anybody stand in the window area, to do that stunt.

[1:23:25] Andrew: Is to have someone stand right where that square is.

[1:23:29] Jess: Who's that guy that did that? I can't remember his name.

[1:23:31] Andrew: Buster Keaton, you fucking freak.

[1:23:33] Jess: Buster Keaton! He's like the best.

[1:23:35] Andrew: Buster Keaton.

[1:23:38] Jess: And he wasn't even a pedophile like Charlie Chaplin.

[1:23:41] Andrew: There should be a Buster Keaton musical.

[1:23:43] Jess: No, but there is a Chaplin musical.

[1:23:46] Andrew: That's good.

[1:23:48] Jess: About the pedophile one.

[1:23:49] Andrew: Wow. So much jungle. So much out here.

[1:23:57] Jess: Wow.

[1:24:00] Andrew: Not as many scorpions around here, though.

[1:24:03] Jess: Driving in a circle.

[1:24:09] Andrew: I live here, so I'm going into your fridge.

[1:24:11] Jess: Tux. I wonder what's in there.

[1:24:15] Andrew: It's the most boring fucking tux I've ever seen. Fuck you.

[1:24:19] Jess: Where's the bowtie?

[1:24:24] Andrew: As far as I'm concerned, the only difference between a suit and a tux is a bowtie.

[1:24:27] Jess: I agree.

[1:24:32] Andrew: I would say a tux is honestly boring.

[1:24:33] Jess: Cancel the prom. I'm not gonna go see you ever again.

[1:24:36] Andrew: We're broken up. I break up with you, Peter.

[1:24:45] Jess: What is happening?

[1:24:47] Andrew: It's like kindergarten.

[1:24:49] Jess: It's like a jungle out here.

[1:24:51] Andrew: Oh, did you think Sprite sponsored this?

[1:25:05] Jess: Yeah, Sextra, that was the plan, right?

[1:25:07] Andrew: Yeah, yeah. Stick to the plan, you fucking cuck.

[1:25:15] Jess: I break up with you, Peter.

[1:25:23] Andrew: I hope she just hangs up.

[1:25:24] Jess: Oh, bitch!

[1:25:25] Andrew: That was awful. I love you, Wildcat.

[1:25:31] Jess: What was your school mascot, Andrew?

[1:25:33] Andrew: Horses.

[1:25:35] Jess: I love you, horse. Goodbye.

[1:25:38] Andrew: I love you, stallion.

[1:25:41] Jess: That was...

[1:25:43] Andrew: Stallion was my nickname in high school. I'm not sure if it was ironic, but...

[1:25:48] Jess: Wild Stallions!

[1:25:51] Andrew: Wild Stallions!

[1:25:57] Jess: Where's the Bill and Ted musical?

[1:25:59] Andrew: I know! There's like so many missed opportunities here.

[1:26:02] Jess: Instead of making a fucking Back to the Future musical.

[1:26:05] Andrew: The one that nobody wanted.

[1:26:07] Jess: They already made it. It's called Spongebob.

[1:26:14] Andrew: I'll give you all the handjobs you want.

[1:26:17] Jess: It'll be like Gabriella isn't even there. You don't need her.

[1:26:20] Andrew: Literally, my hands are more feminine than hers.

[1:26:23] Jess: What if we like kissed, you know, like a joke.

[1:26:26] Andrew: As just as a joke.

[1:26:27] Jess: Bro, like, what would you do if we kissed?

[1:26:31] Andrew: Bro.

[1:26:32] Jess: Just saying.

[1:26:33] Andrew: I mean, it's dumb.

[1:26:35] Jess: Just saying it's dumb, but like, what if, bro?

[1:26:39] Andrew: Unless...

[1:26:44] Jess: I'd kiss Zac Efron. Right on the lips.

[1:26:46] Andrew: Bro, what if we had sex?

[1:26:48] Jess: J.K.

[1:26:49] Andrew: Unless...

[1:26:53] Jess: Do you wanna?

[1:26:57] Andrew: There's nothing to talk about with this.

[1:26:59] Jess: This movie is the least effective out of all of them.

[1:27:03] Andrew: What is the plot? Like...

[1:27:05] Jess: She wants to go to a different school than him.

[1:27:07] Andrew: Oh my god. Kill me.

[1:27:10] Jess: I break up with you, Peter.

[1:27:11] Andrew: He drove that piece of shit all the way down to wherever the fuck.

[1:27:19] Jess: Oh my god. Is he wearing sneakers with a tux? I hate this.

[1:27:24] Andrew: Why doesn't he just sing Start of Something New again?

[1:27:30] Jess: It's like a jungle up there.

[1:27:31] Andrew: Stop saying Wildcat! My god.

[1:27:42] Jess: It's not even that far when you're on a green screen.

[1:27:48] Andrew: That is not a tux.

[1:27:50] Jess: If that is a tux, it is the worst tux I've ever seen.

[1:27:58] Andrew: That looks like a cheap suit.

[1:27:59] Jess: What if we find out here that Gabrielle was a ghost the whole time?

[1:28:07] Andrew: And then she died in a plane crash at the beginning of the senior year.

[1:28:11] Jess: And then we pan out and see it was 9-11.

[1:28:14] Andrew: Oh my god. What movie was that that they actually did that?

[1:28:17] Jess: Remember Me.

[1:28:18] Andrew: Remember Me?

[1:28:21] Jess: Remember me.

[1:28:23] Andrew: So I must say goodbye. Remember me.

[1:28:27] Jess: Man, that's such a better movie than this. Why are we watching that?

[1:28:36] Andrew: Her dress is on fire! Oh god!

[1:28:40] Jess: What is with the lights in here? Why is it like that?

[1:28:45] Andrew: So you know it's a fantasy.

[1:28:47] Jess: Why is he- What? Why are you dancing with-

[1:28:51] Andrew: Why do you have that on the back of your suit? I'm very confused with everything.

[1:28:54] Jess: Because he has to have everything be about basketball. That's his only character trait other than being friends with him.

[1:29:03] Andrew DeWolf: He literally, his thing is carrying a basketball around.

[1:29:11] Jess: Andrew, can I have this dance?

[1:29:15] Andrew DeWolf: No.

[1:29:16] Jess: You should have said, I, you're, the correct response was, unless.

[1:29:21] Andrew DeWolf: No, I love you, Wildcat.

[1:29:23] Jess: I love you, Wildcat.

[1:29:29] Andrew DeWolf: How long would it take him to drive all the way to California from Phoenix?

[1:29:33] Jess: Albuquerque.

[1:29:34] Andrew DeWolf: Albuquerque.

[1:29:37] Jess: I must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

[1:29:41] Andrew DeWolf: That's what he should have said when, when he saw.

[1:29:45] Jess: And then the roll of credits.

[1:29:47] Andrew DeWolf: He shows up to where she is and then he pops out of like a hole in the ground. He's like, I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

[1:29:54] Jess: And then Mike Pence.

[1:29:56] Andrew DeWolf: Oh.

[1:29:57] Jess: Then Mike Pence is there.

[1:30:00] Andrew DeWolf: Wait, where's Mike Pence?

[1:30:01] Jess: He just also is there.

[1:30:12] Andrew DeWolf: Uh, dude, I hate to say it, but friend has the word end in it.

[1:30:20] Jess: Meaning I can, I can put it in her rear end?

[1:30:22] Andrew DeWolf: What are you trying to say here?

[1:30:24] Jess: I, I don't actually know what I'm trying to say. I just saw that on Facebook and I thought it was intellectual.

[1:30:29] Andrew DeWolf: No, it's horse shit.

[1:30:31] Jess: You should feel bad.

[1:30:34] Andrew DeWolf: You're a bad person.

[1:30:35] Jess: Andrew DeWolf.

[1:30:39] Andrew DeWolf: I can't wait for Sharpay to be screwed out of another role.

[1:30:42] Jess: She rightfully earned.

[1:30:55] Andrew DeWolf: I'm a fuck you.

[1:30:58] Jess: Hey, babe.

[1:31:02] Andrew DeWolf: Is he actually wearing a fedora right now?

[1:31:10] Jess: Yeah, he's the coolest kid in school.

[1:31:11] Andrew DeWolf: He's also voted most likely to be a school shooter.

[1:31:15] Jess: My lady.

[1:31:18] Andrew DeWolf: If she doesn't give him any attention, he's going to shoot up the school.

[1:31:21] Jess: Is that a dude?

[1:31:22] Andrew DeWolf: Is that a vape?

[1:31:31] Jess: It's his penis.

[1:31:35] Andrew DeWolf: Troy just sent me a dick pic, bro.

[1:31:51] Jess: Did he not rehearse this?

[1:32:02] Andrew DeWolf: Oh my God, I hate this so much.

[1:32:07] Jess: This could be the start of something new.

[1:32:17] Andrew DeWolf: Just Juilliard.

[1:32:18] Jess: Okay, here's like an actual thing. Have you noticed that?

[1:32:24] Andrew DeWolf: Like none of the actual like score elements of the music in this uses any cues from the actual song.

[1:32:31] Jess: Yeah, that is weird.

[1:32:35] Andrew DeWolf: It feels like this has gotten a lot more professional since that first musical.

[1:32:41] Jess: This ain't no Twinkle Towns, folks.

[1:32:45] Andrew DeWolf: Plays the wrong note immediately.

[1:32:48] Jess: No, she has it on like the voice sound effects like...

[1:32:54] Andrew DeWolf: She's not mic'd.

[1:32:56] Jess: No one in the audience can hear her.

[1:33:01] Andrew DeWolf: She's also bad at singing.

[1:33:05] Jess: But he isn't.

[1:33:06] Andrew DeWolf: So he's saving this.

[1:33:08] Jess: What? Where else does the penis to get to fucking get involved in shit?

[1:33:16] Andrew DeWolf: Sorry, this is unrelated entirely, but someone just sent me a tweet from Mitt Romney. Every American adult should immediately receive $1,000.

[1:33:25] Jess: Mitt Yang Gang Romney. What the fuck?

[1:33:31] Andrew DeWolf: Why is Mitt Romney allowed to do shit still?

[1:33:35] Jess: I mean, I've got to say out of all the Republicans, Mitt Romney is like the one I hate the least.

[1:33:40] Andrew DeWolf: I mean, he was seconded only to John McCain, who's a corpse now.

[1:33:45] Jess: So Mitt Romney legitimately voted for the impeachment.

[1:33:51] Andrew DeWolf: He was the only Republican was said only Republican to do it.

[1:33:54] Jess: Maybe if we were sit. Maybe if more had done that, we wouldn't be sitting in the midst of the worst virus and fucking the world history since, like, the plague.

[1:34:03] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, I mean, Mike Pence would know how to do it. He'd just give us all electroshock therapy and then the...

[1:34:08] Jess: Then we wouldn't be gay anymore, but we'd still be dying.

[1:34:11] Andrew DeWolf: We'd still coronavirus.

[1:34:14] Jess: But at least we wouldn't be gay no more.

[1:34:16] Andrew DeWolf: So do you think the people from Juilliard are going to be like, man, who's the main character of this?

[1:34:25] Jess: That's the opening number, Andrew.

[1:34:46] Andrew DeWolf: I want to. How come Sharpay is not in this number?

[1:34:55] Jess: Because she took Gabriella's role.

[1:34:58] Andrew DeWolf: So Ryan took her role, maybe. Where did they get all these dancers?

[1:35:01] Jess: What if Ryan's the only one accepted to fucking Juilliard in the end?

[1:35:05] Andrew DeWolf: If so, all worth. I mean, if he actually choreographed these people, I mean, he did a pretty decent job for a high school.

[1:35:11] Jess: Yeah, I mean, if even the Juilliard person is like...

[1:35:16] Andrew DeWolf: He choreographed this.

[1:35:21] Jess: Yeah, my boy, we got to straighten out that hat, but we're good.

[1:35:29] Andrew DeWolf: I mean, I think Ryan is the only talented person at the whole school. Am I? Is that crazy to say?

[1:35:34] Jess: Nope, nope, nope. Um, yeah, I mean, Gabriella is talented in other ways, maybe.

[1:35:41] Andrew DeWolf: She's supposedly smart.

[1:35:43] Jess: Yeah, she's an intelligent. Hey, callback callbacks.

[1:35:50] Andrew DeWolf: If we're supposed to say that Ryan choreographed everything, though, is the only person actually putting in real work? Because I mean, the composer for these musicals is just writing pop songs over and over again.

[1:36:01] Jess: And like, I could do that in five minutes.

[1:36:05] Andrew DeWolf: We've done it before, like in an evening. It's been pretty fun.

[1:36:10] Jess: Guys, at one name, we're going to release our EP and you guys are going to be like, wow, these guys are fucking hack frauds.

[1:36:17] Andrew DeWolf: It's great. It's great. We've done some good work, too.

[1:36:24] Jess: You got to whack it off. You got to just get it off. You can't go out there with a loaded gun.

[1:36:29] Andrew DeWolf: I mean, I assume the fact that Troy had an understudy means that he was the main character or one of the main characters, right?

[1:36:36] Jess: They have an entire orchestra with, like, a string section.

[1:36:47] Andrew DeWolf: This is embarrassing. They'll never get to Juilliard this way.

[1:36:52] Jess: Did they not rehearse this? Because the boy needs to come on stage.

[1:36:56] Andrew DeWolf: And he's not because he's not Troy's understudy.

[1:37:01] Jess: And he's not because he's not Troy Bolton.

[1:37:17] Andrew DeWolf: He stole a hat from Ryan.

[1:37:19] Jess: He stole a tank top from Ryan.

[1:37:20] Andrew DeWolf: Is he just wearing Ryan's outfit?

[1:37:22] Jess: If she's not able to deal with something like this happening and not break character.

[1:37:30] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, coronavirus.

[1:37:39] Jess: Once again, a worthless, less talented man upstage is the one to put the work in.

[1:37:45] Andrew DeWolf: Yep. That's the moral.

[1:37:46] Jess: That's the moral.

[1:37:47] Andrew DeWolf: That's the moral.

[1:37:47] Jess: Once again, a worthless, less talented man upstage is the one to put the work in.

[1:37:52] Andrew DeWolf: Yep.

[1:37:53] Jess: That's the moral. We're here.

[1:37:58] Andrew DeWolf: Honestly, I feel really bad for her in this one, too. Like, what the fuck? She wasn't even plotting anything all that evil this time.

[1:38:06] Jess: She wasn't even plotting anything at all!

[1:38:14] Andrew DeWolf: You are the music in me.

[1:38:17] Jess: Wasn't plotting anything at all.

[1:38:32] Andrew DeWolf: Oh, shit!

[1:38:43] Jess: I mean, she has a point.

[1:38:48] Andrew DeWolf: Is it weird that Sharpay doesn't have a single friend in the world?

[1:38:51] Jess: It kind of is a sad life that she lives. She's not even, like, mean in this one.

[1:38:54] Andrew DeWolf: So it's like, it honestly is kind of sad. At least in, like, the second one, if she kind of orchestrated shit. She's, like, awful in that one.

[1:39:02] Jess: But, like, in this one, she's just, like...

[1:39:08] Andrew DeWolf: I don't know. Do you ever just want to come out and, like...

[1:39:12] Jess: I just hate he doesn't even dress up at all! Like, he's just wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

[1:39:18] Andrew DeWolf: They don't put any effort into anything.

[1:39:24] Jess: Andrew, you just want to go up there, have fun, and sing with your friends. That's all you need.

[1:39:27] Andrew DeWolf: No.

[1:39:29] Jess: You have to rehearse, and you have to put effort in, because music is a job. It's a muscle that you have to work out.

[1:39:35] Andrew DeWolf: It's like saying that you can just fucking lift 300 pounds out of nowhere.

[1:39:48] Jess: I hate that this movie, like, puts forward this idea that music is pure talent, and you're just born with a great voice, and then you just go out and you do it, and that's it. You're done. I hate it. I hate it so much.

[1:40:06] Andrew DeWolf: High school is terrible.

[1:40:09] Jess: And this just makes me feel like, yeah, I'm glad I'm not there anymore. I'm not going to high school anymore. I'm not going to college anymore.

[1:40:15] Andrew DeWolf: I'm not going to college anymore.

[1:40:16] Jess: I'm glad I'm not there anymore.

[1:40:21] Andrew DeWolf: It's almost over.

[1:40:22] Jess: No, we got three hours left, Andrew.

[1:40:24] Andrew DeWolf: Fucking 20 minutes left.

[1:40:25] Jess: Oh my god. What the fuck else can you do with this story?

[1:40:29] Andrew DeWolf: There is no story.

[1:40:34] Jess: Jesus Christ almighty.

[1:40:43] Andrew DeWolf: We're leaving.

[1:40:46] Jess: We are done.

[1:40:47] Andrew DeWolf: This is not even a show.

[1:40:49] Jess: There's literally no plot.

[1:40:51] Andrew DeWolf: Is it? There's no character motivations.

[1:40:53] Jess: We wanted to. There's no character motivations, and they're just kind of randomly dancing.

[1:40:59] Andrew DeWolf: But it's an original musical.

[1:41:06] Jess: We're all in this together.

[1:41:11] Andrew DeWolf: What made them decide to come back? What made Vanessa Hudgens decide to come back?

[1:41:16] Jess: He showed up and said he took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

[1:41:19] Andrew DeWolf: Yeah, but she said, I don't want any more goodbyes. Like, what made her agree to, like, the three?

[1:41:25] Jess: Literally, this is the start of a serial killer origin story.

[1:41:29] Andrew DeWolf: I mean, they have a new movie for that, don't they? It's called, like, Sharpay's Great Adventure.

[1:41:37] Jess: I'm very, what?

[1:41:37] Andrew DeWolf: Shooter!

[1:41:55] Jess: Andrew, it's big spawn!

[1:42:03] Andrew DeWolf: You can't sing.

[1:42:05] Jess: It's the accent.

[1:42:06] Andrew DeWolf: The accent is too thick.

[1:42:08] Jess: You know, British people don't sing with a British accent, right?

[1:42:11] Andrew DeWolf: I know, it's weird.

[1:42:14] Jess: But it's very obvious when you have a British person trying to sing and try to do American accent as well.

[1:42:20] Andrew DeWolf: That's weird.

[1:42:24] Jess: What is with productions in these shows just being so off the cuff and, like, anything goes and everyone's shocked when stuff happens? Do we rehearse these at all?

[1:42:34] Andrew DeWolf: No.

[1:42:48] Jess: Just leave them up there.

[1:42:54] Andrew DeWolf: That was garbage.

[1:42:55] Jess: I'm the real Annie.

[1:42:59] Andrew DeWolf: That's Annie too. She finds out she has a twin.

[1:43:03] Jess: An evil twin that wants to have her life.

[1:43:06] Andrew DeWolf: It's literally just Annie with a goatee.

[1:43:15] Jess: Oh, Christ.

[1:43:19] Andrew DeWolf: All right, I'm leaving.

[1:43:21] Jess: I'll see you later.

[1:43:24] Andrew DeWolf: Bye.

[1:43:24] Jess: I'm done.

[1:43:26] Andrew DeWolf: Andrew's literally, he's walking out.

[1:43:29] Jess: He's gone.

[1:43:30] Andrew DeWolf: He's dead.

[1:43:35] Jess: How's she got a fucking, like, Juilliard scholarship that you can do that?

[1:43:47] Andrew DeWolf: You know what? Fair. Get, like, that was how my high school was. You did it. You graduated.

[1:43:54] Andrew: No, that is not how that works. That does not, that is not how this fucking works. It better be Ryan. Fuck yes! My homie! The only true, true talented one. She stayed local? That's crazy. You can't do that full time. No, that's not how this works. Of course, you can't, no, why are you the one that makes these choices? Am I back? Andrew's back. I'm getting frustrated. They're announcing everyone's, where they're going to school. What? You can't do both! Stick to the status quo! He's done what? Where did he choose? He's going to USC. No, U of C. UCB. Can he just go wherever he wants? Is he accepted to like every school? Um, because he definitely has all A's, right? I mean, why not? But that's like seven hours away if you're in California, so.

That's actually true. Don't follow your girlfriend to fucking school, you dipshit! He's going to the University of California, Berkeley, so he can do basketball and drama, is that what he said? Yep. Where'd Chad go? He's hanging himself in the bathroom. He's like, you know, Troy, I mean nothing without him in my life! You know what? It's not that far from the truth! Alright, I hate this. Chris R., what are you doing? That was cringe. That was really sad. No, his nickname is Wildcat! He has a scholarship to U of A. Probably should go there. I feel like none of these were even the choices he, like, ditched his friends to make in High School Musical 2. Hey, we have an arc, Andrew! We have a fucking arc!

His dad cares about going on stage now. Kind of. You feel that, son? Son, you are not accepted at that school, I hope you know that. The exception letter was made in macaroni. It was a joke. There is not, no such thing as a degree in theater and basketball. Are they just singing this song over his speech? Is this meaning to imply he was the valedictorian? Yes. And not fucking Gabriella? Yeah, he had better grades. Nor shit. Maybe he's, like, the number two. What do you call the number two, other than poop? Um, salutatorian, salutatorian. Salutatorian? Yeah. Tore-roody-ma-tooty-shooty-rick-rick-rick-rick-bubble-duh-duh-bubble-tooty-fruity? Together! Together! Together! They broke up one week afterward.

They broke up one week later, and Troy realized that he doesn't really have any acting talent whatsoever. He just could dance, kind of. Get your head in the game! Are they gonna make an E? Are they gonna make an E, Andrew? Probably not. They're just dancing with their friends. Oh. They're not choreographed. Is that supposed to be a shape? What is that? That's a wild cat. Oh, there we go. I hate my life. Everything about my life is just bad, you know? What do you think, Jess?

[1:49:18] Jess: Um, I think that death is preferable to everything we've had in our life up to this point. I feel like this film series, this is my thesis, is this film series is the most nihilistic film series ever to be created. Elaborate. I want to hear more. They basically have boiled everything down to, you know, nothing matters except high school. They're basically saying that once you graduate high school, it's over. Your life is over. You have to make those choices that'll decide the rest of your life. And the fact that there isn't any plot to these just further reinstates that life has no meaning. And it's better if you're just dead, honestly. I don't even know if nihilistic is the right term. Like, it might be that they just actively hate effort. And I'm not even sure what you'd call that. Suicide-inducing.

[1:50:24] Andrew: There's no flute in the song. Honestly, I'm not even sure there's any of those instruments in the song besides drums. There's a guitar, isn't there? Nope. Honestly, this is like the only song I ever really remember from High School Musical. I have never heard this song before. School Musical. Something, something, I don't know. This might be the best song.

[1:50:44] Jess: Out of all three? Yeah.

[1:50:53] Andrew: I disagree. What do you think the best song is?

[1:50:56] Jess: I think the most iconic is All in This Together.

[1:51:00] Andrew: Iconic does not mean good, though. That song sucks my balls.

[1:51:04] Jess: Um, Moe Moe How about a Moe How?

[1:51:10] Andrew: Okay, you might have a point there.

[1:51:12] Jess: You know, the song that literally made us question whether we wanted to keep watching these.

[1:51:19] Andrew: And we made the wrong choice.

[1:51:23] Jess: Yep, we're stuck here. No going back now.

[1:51:28] Andrew: What are they doing?

[1:51:35] Jess: They're dancing because it's a High School Musical.

[1:51:37] Andrew: Looks like they're seizing up.

[1:51:51] Jess: High School Musical. I fucked my drum teacher today.

[1:51:56] Andrew: Got HPV from a one night stand. High School Musical.

[1:52:11] Jess: This felt somehow like the most shallow one of the three.

[1:52:18] Andrew: I feel like it is the most shallow. I think it might feel more shallow, though, because it's like they built a bigger shell over it. You know, it's like you have all this production value and all these music videos and stuff, but there's just there's nothing underneath it at all.

[1:52:35] Jess: Yeah, it's like one of those Easter rabbits that you used to get when you were a kid, where it's like, oh, it looks like a real thick thing. Then you bite into it and there's nothing in it. It's just air. Are they going to jump in the air, Andrew?

[1:52:46] Andrew: Yep.

[1:52:48] Jess: They did the thing.

[1:53:00] Andrew: Show flashbacks to the previous films, guys.

[1:53:08] Jess: And Michelle and Barry Cade and Ashley Olsen.

[1:53:11] Andrew: Jodie Sweetin and Bob Saget in.

[1:53:23] Jess: The Full House theme just starts playing full blast.

[1:53:26] Andrew: What ever happened to the Rectabody?

[1:53:36] Jess: Um, isn't that like that's something like there's a Green Day song that has like that riff in it.

[1:53:48] Andrew: So, Jess, what was your overall thoughts on High School Musical 3 and your cheese rating?

[1:53:54] Jess: It's like it got worse and worse as it went.

[1:54:00] Andrew: You mean just like life? Honestly, remember that button you said where if I got to heaven, I wouldn't have the balls to push it just to make everything stop existing? I have never wanted that button to exist more than watching these movies.

[1:54:16] Jess: Time to party. Well, I hope you're quarantined out, like listening to this with all your friends and now questioning why you even exist in this life. If you want someone to become like a hard nihilist, I feel like this is the way to do it. Like, I am now thoroughly convinced that nothing I do has any meaning and that trying to even pursue meaning is worthless. There's no point.

[1:54:44] Andrew: Uh, Bart Johnson.

[1:54:51] Jess: You know, he was actually my favorite character. He's the most consistent and the only one with an arc.

[1:54:56] Andrew: Yeah.

[1:55:00] Jess: Uh, alright, I'm done with this. Honestly, I don't want to talk through the credits. I want this just to be over, guys.

[1:55:08] Andrew: It ain't over. Call me this summer.

[1:55:10] Jess: Oh, God.

[1:55:15] Andrew: Oh, did Sharpie first bloopers, hold on, this might make me feel alive again.

[1:55:24] Jess: How is that funny?

[1:55:28] Andrew: Once a wildcat, always a wildcat, Troy.

[1:55:33] Jess: They didn't wear pants, Andrew.

[1:55:35] Andrew: Hilarious.

[1:55:38] Jess: Zac Efron looks like he got hurt. That's actually funny.

[1:55:44] Andrew: It's funny because he got hurt.

[1:56:05] Jess: You want to know the best deleted scenes from a movie ever?

[1:56:16] Andrew: Or the best blooper reel?

[1:56:18] Jess: What's that?

[1:56:18] Andrew: It's from Mike Myers, the cat in the hat, where you can see Alec Baldwin get legitimately angry at children for missing their marks.

[1:56:27] Jess: Are you serious?

[1:56:28] Andrew: Yes. He's like, if you step in my fucking frame again, I'm going to hit you.

[1:56:33] Jess: That is great. That is great.

[1:56:35] Andrew: And he's just swearing a lot, like, and they're bleeping it. And I'm like, why would you put that in there?

[1:56:40] Jess: Alright. You know what? I can totally understand that, though. If you're a professional and you have standards of some sort, and then children come in and just think that they can share it with you.

[1:56:47] Andrew: I'm like, no, not allowed.

[1:56:54] Jess: Kids need to be locked in my basement until they're 18. Remember when he called his daughter like a little pig, like, and shit, like, because he couldn't play words with friends on a plane?

[1:57:02] Andrew: Yeah, I remember that.

[1:57:07] Jess: Alec Baldwin is the king of East High School.

[1:57:14] Andrew: That wasn't even a blooper at the end there.

[1:57:15] Jess: Nope, that was just them saying goodbye to the school that they're going to burn down.

[1:57:20] Andrew: Alright.

[1:57:21] Jess: Alright, guys, hope you liked it.

[1:57:23] Andrew: I hope, hope, hope your life.

[1:57:25] Jess: I really hope that you guys didn't watch this along with us, because honestly, I feel bad.

[1:57:29] Andrew: The thing is, they do. We've gotten messages about it.

[1:57:34] Jess: Okay.

[1:57:38] Andrew: Alright, guys, we'll see you next time on our next commentary.

[1:57:41] Jess: Alright, so we love you, patrons.

[1:57:44] Andrew: Love you. We'll see you next time.

[1:57:47] Jess: Alright, bye.

[1:57:48] Andrew: I'm going to go off myself.

[1:57:50] Jess: Me too. Maybe we won't see you next time.

[1:57:52] Andrew: Coronavirus has given us cabin fever up the wazoo.

[1:57:58] Jess: And we just watched High School Musical, which, like, amplifies it by 80 times.

[1:58:02] Andrew: Yeah. Are you excited to watch the Descendants movies next, Andrew?

[1:58:06] Jess: Goddamn. I am so, I'm so excited for more soulless garbage produced by an international, multinational country.

[1:58:11] Andrew: It'll take a bit before we do that, but we will do that.

[1:58:16] Jess: It's not going to be what we do next. We need some better shit first.

[1:58:28] Andrew: Oh my god. I literally can't even express how much I hated these.

[1:58:33] Jess: It's like, I'm, like, struggling to find the words.

[1:58:37] Andrew: The words are bad.

[1:58:38] Jess: It's so soulless and so bad.

[1:58:41] Andrew: Alright, bye.

[1:58:42] Jess: Bye.